I hate my body
I can run a marathon
I can lift weights
I can climb
I can hike
I am strong
I hate my body

I will never look like Her
She has no rolls
She fits into everything
She is confident
She is hot
She is perfection
I will never look like Her

Will I hate my body forever
The body that loves me
The body that sacrifices for me
Does it know I hate it
I’m sorry if it knows

I don’t know how to love myself
I never have
And I don’t feel like learning.

nestled in my heart
i haven’t seen her in a long time
years
hidden there
relaxed and cozy or chained up?
for over three years my feelings were dull
now they are back , she is back

she is convincing me he is gone
its one week i tell her
it’s normal. no big deal
to her though,
now that she is free
now that she can tell me how to feel
this week is a forever

i think i ache not because of one week apart from the person i love
but because she’s finally out
and is using this to feel

i am too happy for her
i shut her in for too long
so for this one week
she wants me to feel
that ill never be full
wishing for wholeness

She laughs at me

at first it’s a crawl
ever so slightly moving
a small but calculated movement
then a sudden Leap
as a cat Leaps on a bird
a poor, unsuspecting bird
looking for twigs
for her nest
is the Leap inevitable
sometimes i think so
but other times i still try to outsmart that **** cat

When I see you
My heart explodes
A shot of serotonin
Pure happiness

And just like that
One small hiccup
And a different type of bomb lights
Fighting begins

I am suddenly lesser than you
Small
Empty
Not Enough

It came quickly but now it’s over
We are cheerful, happy

But then it happens again
And again
And yet again

****.

A silver lining for your entire life
A cocoon sheltered from burdens
Routine, happiness, health
No worries at all - wealth

And what if they told you
This bubble will never pop
Unless broken by the entrapped

Do you live as is
Confined, but fine
Or choose a different path

Stay in forever
Work, play, marry love

Run away
Travel, impact, change  

Do I break out
Shout

Am I free?
Do I want to be?

I feel trapped right now

I fear uncertainty
But I fear certainty too
The unknown is a deep abyss
Each step leads to darkness
The known is a cyclical way to exist
Stuck, never achieving more or less

I fear being trapped
But I fear I already am