By Arcassin Burnham


Every aspect of what reality doesn't have to end up in flames,
Lying to ourselves about what we really want in life and what it could gain,
You might ace the test , you might new car, but what do you think is real,
Simulations been proven in time , over and over , as long we know we'll be fine,
Let go of the past mistakes,
Let go of earth as it breaks,
In the mind,
The shell will crumble from behind,
The skull where it is too divine,
Guess it's where I'm headed,
If it's a good direction,
Can't ruin my sessions,
If I sleep better maybe it'll blossom,
Talking about the pineal,
The flames still burn without any
Tutorial.

Mistakes are teachers
Life lessons learned
Unseen doors opened
From bridges burned

Allies turn enemies
Friends become foe
Death do us parts
Now have knives in tow

Brown eyes on faces 
Green with envy within
Bestowed the smallest of power
True colors now show


Virtue is earned
Loyalty shines bright
When you're the lowest
Stalwarts join the fight

Brutus now exposed
Healing has began
The ides failed in their treachery
Adversity defines the man

Now rise, rise up
From the ashes of hate
Your future has just started
With happiness it's never too late

It only takes 12 seconds to forget your place, to count how many men broke them selves off between your legs.
Now you are so distant and cold.

You may have only been 13 then, broken by this man and his friend.
It scarred your naive soul.

Close you eyes and count to 10 the nightmare creep back again,  this game of hide and seek.

In 2016 many people weep for those famous,we can no longer see. 1000 ways feeling can be

January: It had been three months since I saw you, spoke to you; but the pain was still there, still potent. I began numbing it with ***** and boys and anything I could to distract me from what had taken place. I didn't care about school or getting a job. I just simply wanted to forget.

February: You weren't the first thing on my mind anymore when I woke; though you always crossed it. Something always reminded me of you. A smell, a sound, a feeling. Your voice had faded and name no longer made me sick. But you were still there.

March: I slept with someone else. I finally found it in me to give myself to someone else. I just wanted there to be someone. I didn't want you to have that hold on me anymore. I went against everything I thought and believed and I slept with someone else. I wasn't in love. I wasn't even in like. It was a total stranger. Just someone who could make me feel something again.

April: I thought I was going to break when what was supposed to be our six month anniversary came about. But I didn't. I didn't even think about you. You had messaged me out of the blue, apologizing. Apologizing for everything you put me through, telling me how I didn't deserve it. It made me laugh. I knew you'd come crawling back, but I knew it wasn't genuine. You still only wanted one thing from me. I threw myself into my work.

May: I was so looking forward to graduating. To moving forward. To ridding myself of you. I met someone, someone I thought nothing of at the time. He was just another temporary boy. Little did I know I'd see him again.

June: I graduated. I was free. I felt free. So many people thought I wouldn't do it. You broke me. You broke me so badly. I was still trying to fix myself with ***** and gin. I worked, I drank, I repeated. I went out and tried new things, new people. You tried apologizing again, I laughed.

July: I met him again. He showed up and hung around. I was weary of him. I didn't trust him, because of you. I didn't want it to just repeat. I was so worried he was going to hurt me like you did. I told myself I wasn't going to date him. I wasn't going to fall for him. But the butterflies that filled me every time I saw him, thought different.

August: August was full of adventures, smiles, laughs, tears, love. I saw him everyday. I spent all of my time with him. He had my attention better than anyone else had. I was falling. Oh god was I falling.

September: The adventures continued. We went to the beach, the mountains, the lakes. Everything with him was passionate. Vivid. It's like he breathed life into my lungs. He made me feel alive. I was on top of the world with him. Loving him took courage and strength. He got it all.

October: I told him I was leaving. I was leaving what I called home. Oh I think I broke him. You should have heard the shift in his tone, how his eyes grew dimmer, the sliver of hope he had left faded away. I was leaving, but he never asked me to stay.

November: November saw a month of tears. I was gone. My love, my best friend, my soulmate was so incredibly far. Physically and emotionally. I have never felt so alone. I missed him. I wanted him. Sometimes I even think I needed him. He was everything to me. Oh how badly I wanted to come home to him. I promised him I would. He couldn't wait though, he couldn't wait for me to come back to him... so he distracted himself with her. That made me question everything.

December: Meeting him at the airport after six and a half weeks was riveting. I was a wreck. What if he didn't love me anymore? What if I couldn't look at him? What if his plans for me, us, had changed? What then? Oh, but being in his arms... I've never felt so calm. So at peace. He wiped my tears. Reassured me of my fears. I began to imagine life with him, in even greater detail than before. He paralyzes me in a way you never did. He sees the broken you left behind and holds the pieces together. He looks at the hurt you left in my eye and finds beauty in it. I swear he could see into my soul.

January: I left him again. I had to go back home. I left him. I don't feel right without him. He's my person. My best friend. My go to. Not having him here is like living without oxygen. It's impossible.

When you say "I love you"
Please say it to me
and not while looking somewhere or at someone else.
I don't have the guts to tell you and so
I live with my own consequences.
Have I ever told you that my body is no longer as important to me as before?
That getting sick and feeling pain is a way for me to know I live?
Have I ever told you how horrible I feel day after day?
That each hour passing by decreases people's love for me and I don't want that especially if your love for me as well decreases.
That each time I do not fulfill your request you'll love me less and less.
Angering you does nothing to help and so I am not to speak lest I disappear for long from this earth.

I breathe fine, so much I saw a deer kiss a lion.
I was dancing on my bed when I fell and my eyes
Perched upon the stars, the guitar felt being driven
By the magmas of undulating plasmas of creation.

The skyline, the star line , the jawline smile,
There goes a man, there! comes a child. In the
supermarket of emotions I sit down on the aisle
of mountains, plaid shirt on my chest, I breathe fine.

City of dreams, city of creams, of murmurs and screams,
there! Goes a tie and there! Goes the lie,
in the air, in the past. Down the road and on,
roads meet, cross happy and die, but
does ever a mason stop when he has been cut?

I find time losing everything in my mind
Remembering all my life is just a game.
Time, I don’t have too much time, places
I will ever find, are awaiting me.

Pretzels in the pocket got tumbled
with the pocket watch, the locket that
somebody gave to me still hangs
like the eternity of temporary end.

12 is my number, of my jersey’s, of many days
that I had such that something happened. 13th
is my father’s, and no he is not a demon.
I share it with him. I had it from him from the
league of legacy that few people take pride in having.