If a heart shatters when there's no one around
Will it make a sound?

The concept of a day has been lost in my sadness.

A little nonsense is good for the soul
But human emotions are hard to control
It's too easy to take a twisted thought and make a twisted mind
You ignore all the damaged spots
To convince yourself that you're fine
It seems like a lifetime of mental disease
You see yourself as helpless
Sledgehammers straight to the knees but
I guess theres always a rocky start
on the path to greatness
They say keep courage in your heart
And you will be most famous
To live a life devoid of love and passion is not to live at all
There are too many who stand so strong but still continue to fall
Pick yourself up off the ground
An earthly experience can be truly profound
Just be sure to take time to come to terms
with the darkness within us and the life beyond "our world"

People like lies
They think they dont
But they do
Lies protect from the hurt for awhile
They makes things worse in the end
But for just a little while  
You still get to think things are okay
And thats a blessing in disguise

Its hard to love someone thats depressed
Maybe that makes the end result more worth it
I dont know
But its really hard.

I have to accept the fact that no one will care like I do. I've got to stop expecting satisfying responses from people. My life is the definition of something left to be desired.

I'm sorry I'm never okay
Sometimes I try but it's just too much
Im bipolar in my spite
Leaning in favor of the usual heavy nights
I don't want to be this way
Drowning in self hate and craving pity
I don't know who would want this
I'm ashamed of everything I want
I'm ashamed of who I am
Sometimes I marvel at how thick the mask I put up is
I even trick myself into getting close to self love
Of course then I breakdown and realize how horrible I am
It can only last for so long
I never think of my self as suicidal
Because I couldn't actually commit it
I can't commit to anything
But I constantly think how amazing it would be to just be done with it all
I want to be done with everything
I crave a day when it's easy to breathe and I'm not terrified of everything and everyone
When someone asks what's wrong with me I never really know how to respond

I do now

"I am terrified of myself"

Drowning in emotion
What a trivial thing
They scream " im lost in an ocean"
So much for emotional originality
Yet, im still stuck there
With everyone else
I say I want to get better
But all I do is hate myself
Counsel me, Counsel me
Tell me how I should be
No matter what you say
Im still stuck in my self pity

I hate the mask


But I hate the person underneath more

And in the end I expected to finally be beautiful, but when I turned to see my reflection I was uglier then ever before.

My love is destructive, vile ,and bitter to the taste
It will drag you in and under.
It's sporadic and vicious, a damaging fate
Run, before I need you most.
My love is jealous, selfish, an unforgiving gate
It will resent all you do wrong.
It's needy and bloodthirsty, forcing your affection
To where Infatuation is all you can hope for
My love is a scary, passionate, unjustifiable thing that will break under  its own pressure
It was not nurtured, comforted, or taught to stand straight
It is an evil, inhumane, alien trait
Run, please, please, get away.

They tell me im allergic to everything
But for this much longer
Ill keep on breathing
Everything in

I'm constantly being punished
Always apologizing for who I am
Having to apologize for your feelings all the time has a way of making a person hate themselves
Making them feel like theres something wrong with them
Im tired of feeling wrong
Im tired of being disconnected
Im just SO.  *******.  TIRED.
Cant i be enough?
For anyone
For once
I want to be enough for those i love
But I'm not

Theres a parasite in my brain that eats away at my memories everyday
I lose more and more of them in every way
I think that if i could just remember everything thats happened that i will be okay and that everything will make sense and i wont be so sad
Remembering will make me understand again
And i plead with a god that i dont have but need to grant me my memory
And i spend my time in my hypocritical ways expecting help but maybe its better this way
Memories are in the past for a reason
Maybe they arent all needed

I was laying in bed and I moved over so i could see the stars
And i laid there and thought about why it is that
Tortured souls hold the highest places in my heart
Theres something about going through the pain of a life that makes a person more beautiful then innocence ever could

I can be very quiet.
Sometimes, I'm so quiet, I don't utter a word.
I stay here, oh so quietly.
Listening to you mutter your sins.
I listen, oh so patiently.
And comfort your hurt within.
And I wait, oh so desperately.
For my turn to release my burdens.
But by the time your done
And I'm ready to not be, oh so quiet
You smile and leave.
Satisfied from leaving your troubles with another.
And I want, oh so badly
To let go of all I know.
But you've left, oh so quickly
Completing the give and take.
I give and give and you take and I lose all  hope in an even exchange.
So the cycle starts again, and I'm oh so ready to let go.
But by the time they're done repenting,
I'm still left with all I know.

Im desperate to be remembered
Its because I'm selfish
The deep urge causing my pain
I just want to be selfless
Remembered for the joy brought into others lives
I want to be remembered
Not only for tonight
I needed you
To need me
I needed you to not want everything
I couldn't give you
I need you to need me
Not only for tonight

I know I can't have you, I just want to be a good chapter in your life.

Such a frail little thing
The edge of this teapot
One wrong touch and I could see it shatter the world
One wrong caress, a wrong word with a double edge
The wrong way, the wrong light, the wrong love
Such a frail little thing
So many ways to torture
But it can't go through life untouched
They hit it hard and fast and take away its structure
They place it where it doesn't go and expect it to stay
Such a frail little thing could break under the pressure of a life that takes to much before it gives
So let's strap it with tape and love while it'***** and protect it for as long as we can
And when the day comes that it finally starts to break we can only hope that it's ready to stand.

Let me tell you a story
A story where everything bad is made of bleach
And everything she eats, does, or says leaves that bitter taste within her
A place that has only people that cant understand but so desperately want to
A world where we thrive on mystery and it destroys the best of us
A world where she just wanted to be understood
But she realized that would never happen
And while that placed impeccable loneliness within her
It was also like a breath of fresh air
Because she is not someone people would like if they understood
How she really truly is
So maybe its okay to be lonely
Thats just how she was meant to be

I'm being crushed by my own stupidity.

"Who will lift me up
Darling cause im down
Save me from this world
Dont let me drown"

I curse every time I hear you sobbing
I shouldn't have to comfort you every night and every morning
This is not my job
And it's tearing me apart
One minute you're my superhero
The next you're breaking my heart

I watch the chatter of long time friends
The jealousy's blooming
It will never end
The thing that's always been there that refuses to let go
This ***** named jealousy is the only friend I know.

And those nightmares of what shes done gouge deeper and deeper
And shes bleeding out all shes known
She can't escape the sadness
"It needs her"
"It needs her"
******* those quiet voices
They plead with her
And they need her
But they will get her nowhere at all
Shes as high as shes been
Yet all she seems to do is fall

I look down and see the burning of these lines
The deep red indentions
That only form over time
And I'm trying to figure out what sets them off
Emotional peril
Or being weaned off

And i look up and see fog in the sky and god isnt it beautiful
And I finally feel like i understand
And the fog blocks my sight just like these things that keep me up at night and i understand what it is im supposed to let go of
I understand how to move on
And i stare back into the endless fog
But ****
Its not fog
  It never was fog
Its ash
Spreading as far as it can reach
Swallowing everything in its path
Until you cant see two feet in any direction
The burning of everything i needed
Its all gone
Being destroyed and the ash surrounds me
Infiltrating my mind
Filling every inch until all i can breath is wasted life
And im drowning above water in the remnants of what iv done
And theres no point in trying to breath or swim or cry out for help
And the only thing bringing any sight is the light but the darkness is caving in god its coming from every corner
Its everywhere
I cant escape and im drowning faster and the ash surrounds me and takes my last breath and im gone
No one can see me
Im lost

Im done with your *******
I hope you know i dont care
Cough your blood up elsewhere
Smoke your ****
Pull her hair
I dont need your incessant *******
I dont want you to say you love me
I gave up on your ***
When arctic monkeys spoke our nothing

I have seen these things mold into faces
And demons on the bricks of fireplaces
And the little girl who was murdered by your dad and he took her down into dark places
And im screaming into the spaces
The breaks between the sight
Why cant you ******* help me
I cant take another night
I dont want to feel you haunt me
I dont want to see the knife
As you ****** innocent ones
And my eyes bleed from this life

And these dumbbells stuck to my back.       Will melt away with pain of the past
No more dread of will it last
They say nothing is forever
**** that, we'll ride first class

Im not mad at you.
Im mad at me.
Im mad that i get so attached
When you obviously arent
I just dont know what to do with myself anymore
Im so tired of being sad
Im tired of not feeling like im enough
Maybe it would be easier if we just stopped
Because i cant keep falling if theres nothing there to catch me

Im trying to figure out if this blood is ripped fabric
And these broken bird feeders. Are they worth it to keep
Shaking from the cold. Does that ignite your soul
And that bench surrounded in golden light. Is this where you've been all night?

Just tell me

It pierces my soul
This cold mountain air
It makes me feel whole
Like I can breathe again
Im high with the trees
They smoke and burn anew
The drops of morning air
They bring me to back to you
Those angry Sunday mornings
When iv fought all I can fight
I finally let go
And on this mountain
I take flight

"I want you to do your best"
"Never give up"
"Keep going"
"You can do it"
"Try, try, and try again"
We encourage you to be the best you can be.
As long as the best you isn't better then us.

A cluster **** of egotistical freaks
Welcome to my nightmare
Killing them before they're dead
If you could only be that kind
Cocky snarls of their intentions creep into your heart
Letting you know they gave up on light
And all that's left is dark.

I will light the corners of your mind on fire until you swear you will come back to me
I will haunt your endless waking nights until you promise you will come home
I will steal the air you breathe down there until you must come up for more
I will banish the ones you always compare until your back begging for more
You can not leave
You know you can't
But it's not an " I cant"
It's an "I wont"
You can't let go of me
And I am sorry
I hate that you feel alone
I know
My arms were always your home

She has a type of fragile strength
I can't begin to describe  
But its inspiring
and sorrowful
at the same time

You can never be greater than anything in this world because you were shaped by it.
Then where does the independence that flourishes in the mind come in?
And is it truly independence or is it just allowing our minds free range to ponder all we've known, witnessed, or heard.
Do we ever really know independence of the mind?
Does it exist?