Feeling bold, I walked into the garden

- where i saw the fireflies, the light posts, the moon shining down

- the moon gave a direction, the lights upped the way, fireflies spiraled through me in the wind

- seeing a bridge illuminated, two koi directly under it had been circling each other in a dance

- i walked across, and through my footsteps, did the rain droplets in that pond ripple time

- the fireflies fell first, the light posts shorted out, the moon left orbit

|dimming|shrinking|flickering|

Fading. The koi were disappearing, my footsteps slowed to a halt before the coming darkness. And before I forgot what they looked like - they all merged and flashed.

Bursting white, hot, light,

+ bleeding gold, the sun broke the sky

It's always for a good cause, until you see the massive hole in the middle of the floor no one can see.

And it's going to **** in everyone you know, but you don't want to say because you caused it.

You don't want them to worry because how else do you enjoy life.

You don't want to die, you just want to stop existing. It's not good but what is a better way than this.

Close your eyes, wade into the hole absorbing the room and everyone and everything you know. We all have our time to go.

It won't be too long.

Go away, somewhere deep inside
Far away, like the direction of my eyes

1 I attended with my new suit
1 I barely made it to and back
1 I watched from a screen
1 I missed the train
1 I've been preparing for

2018-2023, 5 years.

I'm 25 years old
My dads getting old too
My mom I had to convince to come
Eyes of familiar faces to watch me stand or stumble
I just want you all to know, no matter what, I love you

A son, step-son, brother, half-brother, nephew, grandson, grand nephew, boyfriend, partner in this same suit
You made me who I am

Farmor, especially you.