i am running out of words,
and you still haven't called.

the idea,
i have of you,
in my mind,
is taking over.

i fell in love,
with the idea,
of you,
and not you.

i hate that whenever i fall asleep,
you're in my dream,
i've been awake for three days,
to avoid you.

was i too bad,
to fall in love,
with?

i miss the echo,
of your voice,
calling my name,
filling my empty heart,
with a love i never had.

isn't it funny,
how you,
always,
always,
always,
go back,
to her?

you called me,
i felt nothing,
nothing feels anymore,
and the terryifing part?
i don't think it's you.

everything hurts,
and i'm not sure i can,
feel any of it.

you broke me in ways,
i never once imagined,
i'd be broken in.

you put me in situations,
i never once imagined,
myself in.

ich kann nicht aufhören an dich zu denken und ich hasse es.

in the passenger seat,
the driver's seat is empty,
i'm lost.

i still love you.
i just never said it out loud.

i wanna talk to you again,
to apologise,
for not being.

but once you wake up,
from the dream that is her,
i will not be your reality anymore.

last i saw you,
i felt your eyes asking me to stay,
but who am i to trust feelings,
when i am incapable of having any.

i don't know,
why is it so hard,
to call you.

clock is ticking,
waiting for that question,
am i seeing you again or am i not.

barefoot i wandered,
in every street,
we once stood.

barefoot i stepped,
over the glass you broke,
just like my heart.

barefoot i cried,
not because of the pain in my feet,
but because of my pained heart.

take my heart away,
take my feelings too,
for i love you beyond those two.

out of all the lies,
you claimed to love,
who i was then.

i'm okay,
with not having a relationship,
i'm just not okay,
with having false hopes,
of what we never were.

Haven't replied in 4 days,
Wish you would've done an effort,
To understand me.

But you didn't.

you said you'd wait for me,
because you don't want anyone else,
now that we spoke,
will you still wait?

i do not feel anymore,
for i have never once healed,
from all that is happening,
to a souless body,
like the one i own.

two hearts,
each beating for one another,
yet neither,
uttering a word.

living in my bubble,
with nothing but,
oxygen to keep me company.

each time,
i fall again,
i remind myself,
keep your head up,
we have been through worse.

how could it all be lies,
when it felt more true,
than my aching bones.

i wish for my broken heart,
to unrecognise your soul,
and all that is about you.

your feelings for me,
where do you hide them?

my unsaid words to you,
could fill a hundred paged book,
perhaps even a trilogy.

you are,
a world of your own,
and i love that.

i promise i have no idea,
how to love one,
let alone,
you.

every word i've written,
about you or not you in here,
is to force myself to feel.

hope you stare at your phone,
when our hour stares back,
and think of me,
at least once.

did i love you,
or,
do i.

even after i handed you my heart,
on a platter of love and loyalty,
you still broke me.

i have failed to love you,
for i do not know how,
to love.

did you really love me,
or was i a rebound,
to get through,
the heartbreak,
she is.

you went back to her
and i don't know what to do.

i am nothing but,
a bridge you cross,
to go to her.

what hurts me more,
is that you called me by her name,
smiled when she'd text,
when you were with me.

it was her all along.