i have become immune to feelings and it hurts so bad to the point it doesn't.

even after i handed you my heart,
on a platter of love and loyalty,
you still broke me.

i have failed to love you,
for i do not know how,
to love.

was it my fault,
was i too harsh,
was i too pushy,
was it all me?

i miss all you are,
and all you are not.

loving me,
to you,
was a shield,
to keep you safe,
from her love,
you coward.

coldly you reply to me,
taking away my warmth,
i am no longer burning, love,
i am freezing.

you used me to forget,
i used you to remember.

what hurts me more,
is that you called me by her name,
smiled when she'd text,
when you were with me.

it was her all along.

i am losing my soul,
barely holding onto my body,
how much longer will i last,
i wonder.

loving you is wrong,
and i promise to never,
do anything right.

part of me tells me you love me,
part of me tells me to get over you,
my entire self wants you,
so where do i go from there.

i am who i am,
for myself,
not for you,
never for you.

i was too scar(r)ed,
and he didn't love me enough.

i got rid of all traces,
that connect your soul,
with mine,
if i still have one.

do you like me because i am there,
or am i there because you like me?

heard your voice,
less than an hour ago,
spent more thinking,
about you.

i am trying to unlove you i promise.

i don't miss,
i don't love,
i don't hate,
i don't feel,
i'm barely existing.

i went on a date,
with someone who's not you,
i felt sick to my stomach,
am i a monster,
or did you make me one.

kept waiting for your name,
to pop up on my screen,
didn't feel nothing,
when it did,
though.

you green-eyed soulmate,
get out of my head,
and my heart,
please.

call me silly,
but i had a little hope,
you might call,
and ask to see me,
perhaps then you'd understand,
why i'm quiet.

they were all lies,
even that look in your eyes,
was the biggest lie of them all.

i really,
fully,
completely,
utterly,
regret you.

you're different,
you make me feel something,
like none other feelings.

i try to ignore it,
trying not to jinx it,
but you're hard to ignore.

when i see you,
i put my heart in a cage and lock it,
afraid you'll take it.

if only you had met me,
when i was me,
we would've been,
something.

she seems nice,
you finally found her,
after all.

you know it's bad,
when i listen to the voice,
of the unknown,
to calm me down.

you looked sad,
when you saw me cry,
you wiped my tears.

now tell me,
what would you do,
if you found out.

the tears in my eyes,
screamed your name,
loud and clear.

i think i love you,
and i hate it,
for i do not know,
what love is,
and what love is not.

it's three in the morning,
and i miss you again.

sometimes it's your fault,
sometimes it's mine,
it's up to my heart,
and sometimes mind.

i started my journey full,
through all that keeps happening,
i am nothing but emptiness,
of self loathe and painful quietness.

she's everything i'm not,
while that doesn't mean,
i'm any less than her,
then why does it feel,
so much like it.

i want to not love you anymore.

saw you two mondays in a row,
i don't think you love me anymore.

will it all be okay as they all say?

is the future,
as terrifying,
as it appears.

the writer in me,
is just as bad,
as me.

i hope you love me back,
i know you don't,
i just hope.

sorry to your heart,
sorry to your time,
sorry to all i've wasted,
attempting to be available.

when i look at you,
i forget all that is,
not you.

it hurts how you don't even count me,
as someone you had,
or as someone who had you.

i looked for you,
in all the faces i saw,
the other night.

comparisons,
between me and her,
it is always her,
just different hers.

i despise all there is about you,
my dear self.

staring into the mirror,
i am unable to recognise,
the feelingless monster,
staring back at me.

i do not miss you,
i just miss who i was,
with you.