Wanting her
more than air.
Seeing her picture,
you pause and stare...

Time stands still.

In that moment
you become filled
with heartache and sorrow
because many tomorrows
lie between now and then,
until you get to see her again.

Eternity exist
in every second
your away from her bliss.

I've been blessed
by a goddess
in disguise.
Her everyday dress
tries to suppress
but doesn't fool me.
I understand
who she is
fully.

Kindness incarnated.
Through her
in a sense
I feel liberated.
Judgement is non-existent,
for her love
only knows
acceptance.
Redemption is her touch.
That feeling...
Her love...
I just can't get enough. (pun intended ;)

But,
her transience...
I'm left in pain
from her absence.
Regardless,
my faith
still remains.

Has she pulled
the wool
over my eyes?
Maybe so
I admit it
I'm hypnotized.  
Mesmerized even.
Right now
her love
is the only thing
I believe in.

You can't stay the same.
Try, and nothing will remain.
Constantly evolve,
let your negative aspects dissolve.

Start walking then run.
Become smarter, have fun.
Strive to be
the person you want to see.

In short, I'm ******...
Honestly can't believe
I gave up your bliss,
for this?

******* galore,
doing nothing but menial chores.
As usual, at first
it's always a pretty door.
Then you step in and soon realize
you don't wanna be here anymore.

At first it was ok,
but it always goes down this way.
You try to fit in,
but they're all riding on
a different hay wagon.

Bliss filled ignorance
dipped in chocolate
then giving me ****
because I'm not eating it.

And talent...
it's always hidden before seen.
So before they've see mine
there's no point in them being mean.
They're smiling, but I can tell they're faking
I find it a little irritating.
I'm tired of suppressing these feelings
but now I'm thinking I need to express them,
so I can begin the process of healing.

I'm a little on edge, please be wary
my state of mind is sure to vary.
To the next ******* who denies my being
a big fat F U is what you'll be seeing!

However you can,
express it.
Don't keep it inside
and repress it.
If your feeling unhappy,
tell someone why.
"There's no need, I'm fine."
It's ok,
You don't have to lie.
I'm here
and will stick by your side.
So tell me,
What's on your mind?

Why do you make it so hard
to like you.
Judging everything I do
judging just to judge
grudging against everything
I've come to know and love.
Why?
Why do you try so hard
to outwit and misfit me,
trying to create conflict
where I only feel glee.
This, what you've labelled, "condescending tone"
is me just wanting you to leave me the **** alone.
I grow tired of your *******,
honestly don't know how much longer
I can continue to endure it.
Your words nothing but bashful, always quick to berate,
you constantly threaten and try to intimidate.
Then wonder why I'm filled with so much hate
towards you,
acting like it came out of the clear blue.

Sometimes I would like to step into your fairytale
and try to cause as much hell
as you believe me to be doing.
Fortunately though,
I have nothing like that brewing.
If you'd let me, I'd show you my world,
hopefully breaking you out of that ignorant spell.
You know - seeing is believing.
Maybe then you'd be able to tell
just how stupid you were being.

When...
When did we stop being a family?
Really, it's kind of a sad tragedy
that my love for you
only exist
in memories.

in a flash everything changes
it happens so fast, it's a little outrageous
life, slow and steady
becomes life, fast and ready
what you have, is there, then gone
lost in a fritz, wondering why, what went wrong
you wish you could rewind, go back and change the past
cause right now your in a bind, you were kicked out on your ***
that shelter of anger and confusion won't keep you warm and safe
you have to find a new home, stick it out, and just be brave
adversity constantly presenting itself to you
forced to answer the question of - Now what will you do?
through it all just try to remember
things might get worse, but they're bound to get better
life seems like hell right now, but it won't last forever
keep moving forward no matter what

Sadness collapses the faculties that hold together reality

Disconnected
the observer lost in painful recollection,
experiences life with no feeling of the present

A silent numbness takes over the senses,
a muted movie plays.
The zombie walks forward
hoping for better days

Those occurrences of intimate bliss
when your filled with so much joy and warmth
stumbling around lost in a love stricken daze,
euphoria is all that you know

And then suddenly, it happens
the shattering of the heart
broken glass everywhere,
each step becomes more painful
than the last

Even though the experience proved to be harmful
they filled you with so much elation, so much glee
that regardless of the previous agony
you eagerly seek to become lost in their warmth again

To me it's -
Your in pain, I'm in pain.
You cry, I cry.
You **** yourself because the pain is too much to bare.
I suffer wondering what I could've done because I care.
I pull my hair out thinking of what I could've done to save you,
but in the end eventually end up taking mine too

two years ago I died
trying to figure out how to live
but now that i'm "alive"
I feel even more dead.

way back when
when I was cracked and bruised and struggling
consciousness never left me.

now a days
days go by without notice
noticing very little
little to be enjoyed
enjoying almost nothing
nothing remains.

now, awareness is
that long forgotten friend
showing up when it doesn't matter.

I tied myself on to you
thought we were connected
jumped off a cliff too soon though
now I'm all conflicted
nothing caught the rope,
why didn't I test it...

never be too quick to love
it'll make you feel really dumb.
one of the hardest drugs to recuperate from,
likely to leave you numb.
lost and confused
your heart will completely feel
broken and bruised.

Reality paints itself
with the color palette
of our souls.

the sky was crying
I could already tell she was lying
... why is this happening to me

earlier experiences omen the bad to come
but lately the bad's been so seldom
... I didn't want it to be

when it happen, I wasn't mad at you then
in all honesty, I wanted to be your friend
... pass anger your eyes couldn't see

in that moment, out of desperation
you made things worse by fogging the situation
... now no one will believe your plea

in the future, own up to what you've done
don't be dishonest and try to run
... the truth will set you free

pieces of soul
fragments of the greater whole
speaking through reflections of word.
so vast in its existence
so mysterious in its comprehension
how else could it be expressed
but through metaphor.

Words flow for hours into the late night
I grow a little tired but it's all right,
for I'm not ready to depart.

As our words dance around one another
as we exchange ideas between each other,
I begin to see your heart.

You and I are not that different
even though there is some distance,
we are not that far apart.

My thoughts are very fond of yours
talking to you is not a chore,
I enjoyed you from the start.

You might wonder if I'm blind
but I assure you, I see just fine,
you're a beautiful piece of art.

<3

that punch to the heart
has me feeling dazed and confused
these stars I see are not the ones I want to remember
when thinking of you

Walking through this life of darkness
the only visible lights were
the stars that burn billions of miles away,
their clarity dependent upon
the number of thoughts clouding my skies.
Occasionally the moon would hint at a light just around the corner.
So, in that direction I walked,
in that direction I struggled,
never a %100 sure of it being the right way.
But right now the skies are becoming brighter with each step.
It seems dawn will soon be upon me.

Let's be like leap year.
Let's leap through time
leaving behind
all our agony and tears.
Let's head to a future
where surrounded by close peers
we could just be ourselves,
no longer filled with fear.
We'd do things our way.
No longer would we adhere
to a broken system and society  
where things are never as they appear.
There would be no such ambiguity.
Things would be done in complete sincerity.
We would be the premier engineers
in this radical new frontier.
So, if your ready
let's leave this time behind
let's leap to a better future,
a future with a little more peace of mind.

Shadowy clouds of realization form.
Truth rains down, cold and wet
with no umbrella of illusion to keep me dry.
Reality roars, trembling my bones.
I fear what's about to be before me.
In a instant, depression strikes
dragging me back to that sad sorrowful place
where fairy tales stop holding my hand and heart.

You said you’d always be my friend
but didn’t stick with me til the end.
You told me I completed you
that you’d love me forever,
yet here I am, by myself, alone
you and I no longer together.
Don’t cry, your not life’s only lie.
Society filled my head with so many misconceptions
pulling me back and forth in all these different directions.
Get a job, make lots of money, you’ll be real happy.
Yet here I am, busting my ***, feeling **** ******.
Go get educated at some fancy institution
then your life will be better, that’s the real solution.
Doesn’t sound half bad, I’ll take you up on that bet.
4 years pass, still busting my ***, forty grand in debt…
In a life full of lies
death seems to be the only thing certain.
I know it would never hide the truth from me
behind some ******* curtain.
When it comes, I won’t be seeking solace.
I’ll be smiling, saying “Thank you for keeping your promise.”

clouded by the darkness of experience
in between the cracks of sanity and despair
tiny shimmers glistening with the divine light of truth appear
resonating and reverberating everything in your wake.

let it take you home.

the closer you are
the harder it will be to see
everything that i am.
I will only appear to you
blurred and distorted.
if you really want to see me,
know me for all that i am,
get back, back away.
moving in closer is not the right way.
you see
your focus can't stay fixed
for life is a blur
and you'll constantly have to change your perspective
to truly see it
to  truly see me
and everything that we are.

we are in
an upward trend
where everything is beautiful roses.
let's not descend
downward
because all we'll have then
are thorns.

Life
is at times
an unwanted gift.
The sentiment is nice
but sometimes I think  
having the receipt would be nicer.
Maybe then it could be returned.
Maybe then enough money would be given back
for a new one.

I'm in pain because I possess too much.
Others cause pain because they don't possess enough.

You let me live
when i should've died.
That wasn't as kind as you probably thought it was.

Imaginary blood
still drips from
this imaginary knife wound to the gut.
It's staining my psyche
with the uneasy remembrance
of you
letting me live
on a whim.  

Those eyes,
that mouth that spat those twisted lies
and dubbed them truth
just to make me feel better,
made me feel the complete opposite.
The acknowledgment
of being alive
not because your succeeding in life
but
because your doing so poor
that others can do nothing but pity you
is one of the worst feelings in the world.
How dare you give me such charity.

Next time
go through with it.
Don't stop midway in transit,
inches away from impact.
Even though the knife didn't touch
it's sharp presence still cut me.

I don't write poetry,
poetry
writes me.
It pulls my emotions
from deep within
slapping them on paper
into a lyrical spin,
into rhymes of sorts
helping me
to better deal with them.
  
Painful at times, yes
but
when a doctor
reallocates
your shoulder back into it's right place
it's only for the better.

Ironic how
the medicine for my soul
is found in the same place
as the wound.

Staggering around*
-Tis' the middle of the night-
Ouch! That was my foot.

Innocent tornado of joy,
adorable wind of air,
I'm blown away
by your presence.

Your energy
simply put
raw exuberance,
overwhelms me
in to submission.

Caught in your gust
lost in your playful spin,
I never had a chance.

Your just too cute!! :)

Darkness loves me too much
Always has me in a tight hold
It loosens it grip every now and then
But never really lets me go

Because it consumes all color
It's able to create any illusion
Sometimes I believe it's not there
But really, who am I foolin'

Darkness always surrounds me
Always lingers over my shoulder
Simulating fake happiness and warmth
Only making me colder

For now I endure the shadows
Try to put up a good fight
Still stumbling through darkness lost,
A blind man searching for light

Blazing within me
burning me inside out  
roaring fires of hatred
igniting with every anger filled thought
engulf my soul.
Soon enough
ashes will bury me.

Falling leaf in the wind
dances gracefully
in a ballerina spin.

The cold autumn winds
give color
to the grey clouds.

Winter is just around the corner.

Broken doesn't stand
it crawls,
struggles to live.

The day he got his legs back
he ran
fast and far
away from his misery,
away from his suffering,
away to his dreams.

At the edge of lost
stumbling through life
without meaning,
barely grasping purpose,
shimmering beings of light
find me
pulling me up
from the deepest depths
of my darkness.
They wonder why
they keep finding me
lurking down there
in the shadows.
I tell them
it happens whenever
they let go of my hands,
thoughts never hesitate
to grab them,
dragging me back down to that place.
Sometimes I can resist
but when their numbers multiply,
I'm helpless.
To that they replied-
thoughts manifest and multiply
from an over active mind.
Calm your mind
still your spirit
and you should be able
to overcome them.

It's friday.
It's pay day.
The week's over and I bring in some revnue.  
Time to use this hard earned money
to live, provide, to continue to thrive.
Also it being the weekend and me not having to work,
I can do the things I want to do now.
I can enjoy a little time to myself.

Now I can live.
Right?

Wrong.

Reality soon hits
like a glass of spilled water
on a brand new laptop computer.

The realization of
bills to be paid,
more work to be done,
is a painful one
to someone
already suffering from
a chaotic life and societal blues.
    
Mr. Paycheck comes and goes
making you wait that much longer
to get the resources needed to reach your goals.
Ms. Weekend never stays
because her time's always spent
on more work for the weekdays.

For a moment your happy because
moments anticipated come.
It's odd.
We wait for those moments of joy,
for those specific moments to live,
yet waste the majority of our lives away
in moments unwanted.  
Why do we encapsulate our happiness into moments
then wait for those moments to come around?

Sigh.
These depressing thoughts slowly fade.  
They'll probably be back; no doubt about that.
But, since the moment's arrived
in which these thoughts no longer thrive
Now, I can live...
Right?

happened among the chaos of living.

Unconsciously willingly stabbed,
slowly unknowingly bled to death.

Spirit doesn't die though
it suffers,
suffers to live again.

Your lying there, dead.
Corpse slowly rotting,
flies hover around
your mutilated flesh.

Sorry but
your life, your existence
wasn't as important
as someone getting to work on time.

Ironically
it's now that your dead
lying there
that we take the time to swerve
and not hit you.

Clouds roar, rant and rage
crying out their pain.
Fluids held within release.  
The same is true of people  

You can always tell
when rains about to fall
because of the darkness in the clouds.
Likewise you can always tell
when a person's about to cry
because of the sadness in their eyes.

Conclusions -
Whether it's tears or rain,
the manifestation of pain
results the same.

In the darkness thinking
remembering your light
always brought me peace

calmed the storm within
but, some thoughts
are just too dark

for even your light
to reach.

There’s a pain in my heart
that’s slowly tearing me apart
because I saw what they did to you.
Visualizing your pain
the agony you went through
I too
am now
suffering.

Our relationship has always been bumpy,
harboring nothing more than hatred and discontent
towards one another.
A part of me held hope that things would get better
between you and I,
between mother and son,
but
    the words
          you said
              that day...

"That's your problem - always asking why. You need to stop asking questions all the time, and just do what your told."

In that moment
I knew
that all hope was lost,
for your son is a wonderer
and will never stop wondering.
Until you understand that,
I guess you'll always consider me a misbehaved brat.

This world
filled with so many lies and misconceptions,
I find it hard to thrive, hard to make meaningful connections.
Life constantly focused on money, what to buy, on endless consumption,
is not a life I want to live, and is one that I'll eventually walk away from.
For now, like most, I endure; life enjoyed is seldom.
Just trying to be myself,
trying not to lose my mind in this ****** up conundrum
we call society.

In the euphoric silence of nothingness
letting go of everything that is
returning to your original state of being,
hatred fades
peace remains.

Light pulses throughout;
illumination fills the vessel.

Your soul
clean and clear
free of weight
can now fly.

Enlightenment?
In light he meant,
for he is no longer
surrounded
by shadows.

Shadows...
a little sad though,
the rest
are still lost
in darkness.

During those long, tedious 9-5 days,
glancing out the workplace windows,
sometimes I'll wish nothing more than
to just go outside and lie in the grass.
As I would lie there bathing in sunlight
the ground would come up, grab me
keeping me rooted in its dirt,
while the wind
would blow away my troubles.  

Some days I actually visualize it.
Me, slogging away the days work,
somehow whimsically stumbling outside.
I would arrive at the grass tired,
with a sad, dead look in my eyes.
Magically, the earth would rise up to greet me.
Hugging me, taking me in, it would whisper
"It's ok, your home now."