you can taste the pain I swallowed on the roof of my mouth
I remember the night covering us like a blanket
and the sun shining light to all of our mistakes
I remember your shirt hanging off my shoulder
and the way it looked on another naive stranger, she wore it well
I remember the scent it carried, the scent of you and me
who am I without this longing that wears the shape of you?

i pray you find this message
before it's lost in the sea
i pray it finds you
and you find your way back to me

I’m beginning to forget the difference between your body and mine
hold me close to your sunlight
you are the gentlest of all the gentle things
I love you without exception

I was angry with myself
for never understanding when it is time to put hope to rest
for never knowing what love was and allowing you to define it
after a while, you learn that people are allowed to leave you
it hurts, the way endings always do
but begging them to stay hurts more
and you learn
you learn to see in yourself what you wanted them to
you learn to lift your roots from their heart and plant them beneath your own
you learn the subtle difference between infatuation and commitment
you learn you could swallow the person you love whole and you still couldn’t keep them forever
because loving someone does not guarantee they will love you back
I know lately it feels like no one really cares if you’re coming or going
this is the time to fall in love with your solace

what are thoughts and prayers without exertion
give me a guideline on how to hide from a stranger
shooting up a grocery store
but ignore the warning signs of a mass shooter
buy me a bulletproof vest to send my child to school in
because we care more about the right to own a gun than the right to protect innocents
this is not about what the rights are for, but for what they are being utilized
we cannot have compassion for the wounded without outrage for the wound itself
we cannot be okay with avoidable tragedies for the sake of pride

time fades and makes it's way through my fingers like my palm is full of rain
and I know that I don't have time to worry about feelings unreciprocated
I'll love without expectation
if equal affection can never be achieved
at least I can be the one who loves more

I made you into something you were never worthy of being
I built a castle out of ruins and laughed along while you burnt it down
someday, you'll return to those ashes and realize what you walked away from
I brush off the last memories of you and go on my way
there's no room in my future for you to seep into