I suppose I might have hoped
That we would bloom from nothing
Like a phoenix does from ash;
Wild imagination
Might be to blame, or perhaps
A heart- a flaming heart, filled
Of dreams that you encompass;
False memories of laughter,
Embraces, adventure, love...
I hoped for what I believed
But like a phoenix, such thought
Could only be true in dreams;
There is not much magic left
In the dimming eyes of Earth,
But if any is to spare,
Spare me the pain of letting
*Go.

You're my perfect little distraction
Not more, for there is no reaction
As you move on in your silly life;
I mean, I don't want to be your wife
Nor anything else tied to your name
For I am not yours nor will I be.
Just a game we play, just words, you see,
Your lips aren't kissable but I
Must confess, your mind I can't deny.
We toy with notions that we could gain
Something out of our bold flirtations
Yet it is all preoccupation
As we both bustle around, away
And keep other sentiments at bay
By clouding them with this silly game.

With no strings attached, none can judge us
And it's one act I don't have to trust.
I can take a deep breath, spill my thoughts
And leave unscathed when it all just rots.

I taste blood as I bite my lip too hard,
I swear I can even smell it;
I see it on the napkin as I dab at it and
I hear it as my heart pumps more through my veins.
It feels slick in my fingers as I graze over
The wound I self-inflicted
And the notion of it surrounding me
Is more or less intoxicating.
It drips down my chin,
Like a tear might,
And I’ll admit the burning pain
Created a mixture of the two.
I don’t want you to think me mad,
I am just passionately mesmerized
At this sick wonder—
Sick, as in it’s making me die.
I have a terminal disease
And this is how I cope
You wouldn’t understand my fascination
Of the death that flows inside me.

I have chains on all four limbs
With weights dragging me downward
While time is heaving me up
Around my torso, forward.
I am drowning in the air
And can breathe under water,
I see all the colors but
Black and white, they don’t differ.
Clarity is one vast blur,
Reason is their opinion;
I’m locked in the parallel-
Or so I think, I can’t tell.

I’ve desired you too long, oh yes
And I won’t love you anymore, no-
Not the dimples from your sweet wry smile,
Nor the way your swollen, chapped lips go;
The rough to your voice in the cool night;
Or how you’d brush your dry fingers through
That thick brown hair that sweeps your forehead;
No, I shall lose this yearning for you,
Those pastel blue eyes won’t reflect mine;
I won’t pretend your face lights up when
You see me, that we shared a moment;
Nor melt from your silly expressions.
I refuse to love the way you say
My name, all of the time, tone so warm
Or your dull laugh that adds character;
How your awkwardness to me is charm;
A simple grin from you would make my
Day; a few words could transform my week
And you made me so happy in the
Simplest ways; now I must retreat.
I’ll soon forget how you turned my heart
To bubbles, for it will be frozen;
I won’t love you anymore, oh no,
You haven’t given me a reason.
I've said this a million times but this-
This time it's for real, for I can't take
The sinking disappointment welled up
In my chest each time you hesitate.