You climb this filthy mountain
in hopes to quell your yearning
some voice whispers to you maliciously
“your almost there!”
Though the sign says 3,000 miles
marking the intensity of your woes
and yet you ascend for fear of being
                Forgotten
           Unacknowledged
But what will you find up there?
Serenity? Exaltation? Euphoria?
A peace of your mind is lost
Wandering around trying to find something more
Real and utterly tangible
Though the rest is still pickled
In the jar of ambition
Ah, you are an arrogant fool
The top is not a jovial bank
But another phase of life
One, which you have given up everything for

I just want to look at you
And watch you
Do your thing
But I can't
Because you notice everything
And every time I look at you
You look at me
And we make eye contact
And we all know
That eye contact
Can lead to dangerous things

Sometimes I’m anxious for you to leave so I can think about all the things we should be doing together. Like that the contours of your body would fit my curves perfectly.
Like that your ribs are smooth and defined.
Like our tongues moving together seamlessly.
I can imagine we’d laugh at the same things and be enamored with the same tv shows.
I imagine you and I lying in a bed of daisies listening to each other breathe.
Every moment I spend with you in reality only fuels my daydreams.
I study the way your lips move when you smile so when you smile at me as we cruise on the highway towards Sandiego—the smile is yours. I remember the sensation of your arm around my body as I run into you, so when your arms are wrapped around me as we lie under the stars of a foreign country—the embrace is yours. The sound of your voice is always running through my mind, so when you tell me I’m beautiful—the voice is yours.
You.
are truly something to behold, though I’m not sure of who you are.
I’m not sure I want to know.
I’m afraid that you won’t like vegetables.
I’m afraid that you don’t like to dance.
I’m afraid you hate books or are stupid or mean.
I’m afraid you’re more uncertain of yourself than the you I’ve been dreaming about.
I’m afraid you don’t like road trips and dream of living in a fancy house.
I’m afraid that you might be nothing like me.
I’m afraid of the possibility that we just aren’t meant to be…

You know
when you walk past a piano
and you rest your fingers on the keys
absentmindedly
and you play a tune
with no prior knowledge
of how to play
and the tune sounds nice
like something you had planned

that’s what it’s like
running into you

I was sitting there thinking about oneness.
I’m not sure what I was thinking about or if it could even be considered thinking in any kind of meaningful way.
It was just a vicious cycle…how, how not, how?
I was thinking so hard I let my hand brush the curve of my breast—and he noticed.
His eyes glanced and flickered and the flicker said,
“what just happened?
Was she thinking about something?
Was she thinking about me?
Was it for me?”
then he remembered I was contemplating oneness
and everyone else
was contemplating oneness
and this is not the time nor the place.

I have something to say
Um…
It's a beautiful day?
No
I have something that I want
To tell you
I can't
Um…
Look at the shape of that tree
And the way it moves with the wind…

But
What I wanted to say was…
Well
Hey I never noticed
That building before
Hey are you cold?
I'm cold
Should we go somewhere else?

No
I have to say this just listen
I can't see you anymore

I had a dream last night
about you
as I spoke to you
I noticed
that
you had grey in your hair
and I woke up in a cold sweat
because it meant that I
had also
gotten way older
than I ever intended to be

Okay
we can fall in bed together
if you wish
but know this
sometimes
I cry in the morning

How strange,
      To be filled with so many doubts
To have so many miscommunications with myself
To be living with so much distance
Between me
             And the others
I can't fathom this life without me in it
I can't fathom this life without you in it
The you that I saw this morning walking....
Running
To work
The you I noticed sitting on a wall
Looking at me
As if you wished I wasn't a stranger
We aren't
         My friend
                  We aren't
Even though I can not (will not?)
          Speak
To you
                           My friend
So strange,
      To feel so close to you
And yet
       To feel like I'll never be able
To know you.