Don't touch my lips
So softly
Just try
not to let the blood flow

I know when you touch me
you want to believe
you do it to enhance your manliness
that it is your essence

But I know
That you touch me
Because you love me
                I know
That you adore me
                That you dream of me
That you want us to be
                 Forever

So
    Don't brush my lips
                 Kiss them hard
                               Bite them
              Passion like yours
              Should never be quenched
                               No matter
If I break your heart
               If I don't feel the same
If we don't last
                          All of this is nothing
Compared to the momentous force
             Of your love
Your love
        Is not about me
   It's not about value
Or children           Or time spent together
                Or Biology
Or even God
                It's about you
                                                             You

You blow my mind
The light that shines in your eye
The same that lets me know you know
That I am just some slain principle of your words
Just something too look at
Someone to hold in your tight grasp
For only a minute
A shimmering glow of your darkness
Yes you always know
Always know that I am here and always and forever here
That you will always never be here
Or there
Or anywhere and look I’m becoming Dr. Suess
Because you blow mind


And a mind that’s blown can’t even seem to think
That a heart can be so buried deep down
So far away from what’s revolving around
Around everything sound
Such a commonplace heartless battleless place
Where summoning a persons greatest fears is out of the question
It’s the mindless ways of your ways
And sensuous plastics of your being
And let me just say
You blow my mind


Creating my feelings in your own feelings
Knowing why you just say yes
And why I just say no
And revealing every bit of sense that was ever a sense
A mystical feeling of remorse
For now you’re just gone
Everyday you’re gone
And then
You know
You blow my mind

I’m just a heartless wrench
Walking on the edges of nothing
Watching as everyone walks by in bliss
Such spiritless mind in loathing
Why do I walk this empty path in vain
Waiting for someone to admire
Stealing glimpses at the other
Look at how pious he is with his
One side of virtue and the other of something
                           Else
Which side says I
Do one of many mean more
Am I to die in such wasteland?
Or live in the other such wonder


Hello
Can I live in such triumphs?
And be of no reproach and nor of remorse
And can I bellow out
“ No run away from your flaws!”
Without being so green in the face
blue is the face that walks with no pride
And yet you walk from one here to the other side
And now you have no fear of the green beauty,
or the soft yellow petals
Fickle you aren’t
Looking to what you were for what you are
Though being such a cool cat you bring friends
Speeding around for some fun
to the hope for surprise.
Surprise doesn’t come for hope
No one really comes for hope
And what did you say
To those eyes that day
I’m your one true lover
There’s no time for another
While I’m over here watching in apathy
Such carelessness from you I’d expect
But from me


Well look to the sky and try to understand my woes
Being small I enthrall
The sweet nothing of emptiness
So smile into my heart and I work
For nonetheless people who dress
In nothing of something of which I despise
Says my heart to its keeper
Just go with the flow
And follow them into a sun sandy world
Where eyes stare into the soul


The disapproving mind of a killer
And such sweet tender thoughts
Poking at each visage for blood
And the man not adored
Stuck here inside mine of tears
Walking with a woman
To the killing car machine
Just wait sad female
For she comes to you in haste
And though the heavens did not warn
You should not have been torn
Your intelligence wasn’t used
And your patience abused


Smile at me sad story
I’m smiling too
At the ironic usage of me and that world
Slinking up to me in such abnormalities
What would you have me do in that sense
My what’s are in fact normal
Just not for me not for you
We only don’t get along
In sad stories of mine


Piece together that language you’re writing
Perhaps you want to say more
May you give me some story of you
Did you not know, understand
Have you been blamed for it no
See, hey lets talk about it another time
Though it should have been sooner
You’re trapped in a place
And I’m getting you out
That’s what my illusion has come to


I’m sorry you’re not such a star
Only in the cities or bars
Did you say you had ones who could do
That which was beyond you
And I’m sad
Have I said this before?
For your loss and your unhealthy men
Be it that one title is enough


Well it’s over now and I am changed
Or rather done him and us
Seething at the core for more
Want of a newer man
One who can make me malicious?
Or strong and vicious
See I’m no man of pure strength
Only I’m lost in another’s womb
See here world it’s just like you
To be so invariably cruel

I’m made of clay
or maybe wet
cement
when you placed your hand on my heart
your imprint never went away
Swear to god I wish we’d never met

I’m afraid of someone new

He looked into my eyes today
and said “wandering is fun
so long as I keep meeting people like you”

Wish I could have stayed to play

But I’m trapped in my own mind
Where I’m convinced I should be alone
I need to live for myself
So I’m letting myself unwind
Refusing to pick up the phone

I’m not going on dates
because—well—self-love
and I’m getting lots of sleep
trying to start with a clean slate
look above
my own desire for attention

That’s right—-self-love

being single is overrated.

his eyes were a light blue
the kind you find in the sky
He’s gone now
I won’t find him
But I’ll remember that he said

“Wandering is fun
so long as I keep meeting people like you”

It’s possible he’s right

I might just hope
that I keep meeting people like you
and I like your hand print there on my heart
and I think there’s room for a few more

I’m made of clay
after all
or maybe
wet
cement
hurry
come place your hand on my heart
before I dry up
alone
underneath
the earth

and every time I look into your eyes
I’ll tell you straight and true
“Wandering is fun
so long as I keep meeting people like you”

You climb this filthy mountain
in hopes to quell your yearning
some voice whispers to you maliciously
“your almost there!”
Though the sign says 3,00 miles
marking the intensity of your woes
and yet you ascend for fear of being
                Forgotten
           Unacknowledged
But what will you find up there?
Serenity? Exaltation? Euphoria?
A peace of your mind is lost
Wandering around trying to find something more
Real and utterly tangible
Though the rest is still pickled
In the jar of ambition
Ah, you are an arrogant fool
The top is not a jovial bank
But another phase of life
One, which you have given up everything for

I just want to look at you
And watch you
Do your thing
But I can't
Because you notice everything
And every time I look at you
You look at me
And we make eye contact
And we all know
That eye contact
Can lead to dangerous things

Pirates

You’re the underlying theme in all my dreams. I want you to frolic in my mind’s bed of desires. See what matters most to me. I want you to look at me as if you’ve never seen me before, eyes curious and kind. I want your smile to say that you’ll catch me eventually, soon even. I want you to want me to dive inside you so you’ll never be without me. I want you to laugh at my jokes because everything’s funnier when I say it. I want you to close my eyes when I’m scared to sleep. I want you to think I’m beautiful even when my femininity gets lost in the midst of my rugged exterior and my crass jokes. I want you to find a strand of my hair on your shirt and smile. I want you to smash my heart into pieces just so you can put them back together again. I miss you when you tell me that I can’t dance. I miss you when you look away to scan a thought.

I imagine we could build a boat and take it where we’d like. We’d be faithful c’us we’d be alone. I’d braid your hair so you wouldn’t have to cut it when it starts to form a whole. Our skin would grow even darker and we’d have wrinkles around our eyes. We’d know each other so well that we’d never have to smile. A simple spark in the eye would do. I’d take it upon myself to make you feel strong and you’d take it upon yourself to make me feel warm. Eventually I’d beg you to let me on shore and you’d beg me to stay. I’d smile and wave and feel love in my heart, but I’d go looking for someone with blue eyes instead.

The world falls into my lap
I have accomplished ultimate power
I’m ecstatic! I’m euphoric!
That’s what the papers say
Do I feel this way
Am I encompassed in joy
Filled with posh and arrogance
                  No
I am drowning in a world of doubt
I’ve been crudely kicked out
Of my own intellect
My eyes see no beauty
The frown on my face
Is brining me down
To only one thought
            Regret
This is my punishment
This is my cell
They tell I’m wonderful
They tell me I’m great
But I must expiate
Of course they shake
Their heads and say
            Traitor
They mourn their loss
Not of me, no
Of the thing, which
They desire so tenaciously
Ah, their greed
I’m brining them down
To a place of
         Weakness
I’m dodging the lights
I’m dodging the sounds
I’m fighting the crowds
I am a simple man
The evil is forsaken
The only thing I am
The only thought in my mind
             Morality
The monkeys are sitting
The trees are soft
The souls are singing
My conscience is sinking
Old limbs are asleep
My ears are hearing
One word to hold me
            Death


I am become death
             The destroyer of worlds
                              
- Keda Kanye



          - A poem about J.Oppenheimer (A.K.A the guy who created the atomic bomb)

It’s the new indie style of the other century
It’s the people running around in surely new places
Making new clothes out of the iridescent beginning
Or the end in other parts
Of the world so methodically growing weaker
In an attempt to follow
The people of the newest paces and places and ways
Rocking out to their fullest contributions
Making colors seem distant compared to the voice
The voice of everything that is here and available
Sneaking off to find who’s out there
Whos being completely and totally rude
And round and mellifluous
Shimmering and ready for everyone to come to them
“come to me”
“come to me”
and we all come
or we never come round
and we sit
and we sit
and wait for the next to be for us

though we can’t help it we are drawn
by every single wording and phrase
that lets us know the world is getting greater
of course it always getting greater bigger and better
and all the while stunning
so stunning that only the hermits and
people who grow for a living
can sit around and know better than run forward, forward
into something unknown and maybe undependable
our sexually transmitted diseases are overlooked
for the power is more controlling
more entincing and wanting and giving
than any old badness we could look up
in our heads and the articles and the small creatures that tell us so
yes everything is much, much better overlooked
or overrun and underneath the feet of the everything
of the everyone everywhere who can possibly tear
a whole in such adamant dominance


we are dominance says everyone calmly
as if it’s all just something to be looked at from far away
as if nothing is wrong and we are all here to play
a lovely game of her I am!
Pick me for your terrible ways and I am sure to be free
Of everything that haunts me


Oh turn away you vile creatures
And see that its not so easy as this
Running forever into blissful company
Blissful water and sweet smelling perfume
White wine mixed with cherries
No its not just so easy as this

Windows you glare at me from the soft might of your home
Windows you stare like you’ve never seen such gloom
Where you’ve seen the delicious pots of tenderness
And the soft searching eyes of children

Footsteps reach you to pull out their curiosity
And the burning whims all fly and flee
To the one true Seeing Eye hole
And then when you finally can breathe—It’s all over

The picking snap of scabs
That’s what comes next from such sights
And now there is just blood
And a scar full of sorrows and why nots

Peachy just peachy it is to think you know best
And then know for sure that you’re not like the rest
But kept from is what is sure bliss
Though no one knew how and now it’s just this

The sporadic views coming from no place
And that’s destiny I tell you
Comes from needing no nerds
Then being thrown into everything once hated

It is the windows I tell you
The ones who make such visions possible
And let me make it clear
That no one can make it without fear

White washed windows
Pulling on those strings
From child to the next
Never should they sing

I’m sorry
That you’re walking in such a hurry
Leaving in such a hurry
I can’t breathe when you smile that way
As if there’s nothing wrong
You send the moon to sing your song
But I’m telling you you’re wrong
The moon can’t save your sorrows
And whisk them away as you wish
You can’t look at me with solemn eyes
And tell me you are happy as a fly
Or a giraffe
Or an elephant
Those things aren’t even happy
Just lost in slow remorse
That they weren’t born like us
Or like their next of kin
I want to hold your hand
And make sure you’re alright
Bring you home to your bed
On this dreadfully silent night
I want to stroke your head
Give you a kiss on the cheek
Pinch all of your sadness away
Until a grin is all that you see
I want you to love me, but I see it’s not so
It’s sad to see you go, but even sadder
Four you to see me
Go
You look at me in desperation
As if I’m all you need
But you know that’s not true
All you need is yourself
And the true love you hold within
I know it’s sad to be lonely
But don’t worry go home and
Leave your whispers and your words
I’ll pick them up and let them go like birds

The way he looked at you
You could swear
It was right through you
Like he was looking at something else
Far more important
And then he'd look at you
Really look at you
But only as if
He just happened to see you
Coincidentally
Because of course
The other thing
Whatever it was
Was much more important

He did this on purpose
Skeevy as he was.
He liked to distance himself
From
You
I guess

I’ma running to you’ra feet now and letting you sweep my head

I’ma falling in you’ra musical melodies

I’ma full of of you

You’ra empty of me

I’ve been seeing your eyes lately

In my roaring sea of tears

It’s kind of true what you said one day

I’m not the best person you could have

Your not the best that I could find

I bind your toes in fresh sweat

They make me feel so lost

So your toes have got to go I must say

I can’t find your mouth anywhere

I can’t find your soul in my fingertips

I must say you were right when you said

We weren’t meant for each other

We’re not ready for love

Though I like your silken hair

And I know you love my arduous legs

You looked at them often while I sat in silence

By your puny head with your puny ears

Make it to my honeymoon

When I’m married and full of children

Make it to my funeral

When my life has come to an everlasting end

Meet me on the hilltops when I’m tired of him

Meet in my room when I need to cry

It’s true I’ve found

What you said about never letting go

About needing a family and a friend

It’s true I’m better at being alone

It’s true you need a follower of sorts

I’ll lick the sun for you

And show you one day how it looks

But for now I’m leaving

I’ll be your corpse

In a few days or worse

One day you and I will be part of the story of me. Just me. One day I’ll be sitting in the shade of a big acacia tree, surrounded by my people, and I’ll look out into the sea of mammals and remember,
you.

      I’ll remember you as the story of how I learned to fall in love. I’ll remember the best part of us and how we used to laugh and make love and make each other cry…tears of joy and pain and anger. I’ll remember how you taught me to be free of anger, and to look my demons in the eye. I’ll remember how you took my hand and led me straight towards my own fears. I’ll remember how happy we were.
      By this time I will have slain lions and conquered my own worst nightmares. I will finally have discovered who I am and I will be sitting underneath this tree in peace. Feeling glad for the person I have become.

Sometimes I’m anxious for you to leave so I can think about all the things we should be doing together. Like that the contours of your body would fit my curves perfectly.
Like that your ribs are smooth and defined.
Like our tongues moving together seamlessly.
I can imagine we’d laugh at the same things and be enamored with the same tv shows.
I imagine you and I lying in a bed of daisies listening to each other breathe.
Every moment I spend with you in reality only fuels my daydreams.
I study the way your lips move when you smile so when you smile at me as we cruise on the highway towards Sandiego—the smile is yours. I remember the sensation of your arm around my body as I run into you, so when your arms are wrapped around me as we lie under the stars of a foreign country—the embrace is yours. The sound of your voice is always running through my mind, so when you tell me I’m beautiful—the voice is yours.
You.
are truly something to behold, though I’m not sure of who you are.
I’m not sure I want to know.
I’m afraid that you won’t like vegetables.
I’m afraid that you don’t like to dance.
I’m afraid you hate books or are stupid or mean.
I’m afraid you’re more uncertain of yourself than the you I’ve been dreaming about.
I’m afraid you don’t like road trips and dream of living in a fancy house.
I’m afraid that you might be nothing like me.
I’m afraid of the possibility that we just aren’t meant to be…

Dancing was hard for him. It was hard for me too. He wrapped his arms too tightly, I too lightly. I wanted to go this way, he that way. His steps were firm and purposeful, mine were loose and jiggled from place to place. He smiled while he danced. I took an air of solemnity. When he smiled it was like watching the sunset after a long hike. It was like being alone on a brown horse in the desert. It was like drinking Blue Sky soda by a creek engulfed in majestic mountains. It was a New Mexican smile. He said I was frowning. But I don’t frown. I found a certain kind of love in his eyes and a certain kind of love in my heart. We knew each other well. We knew each other like I know my favorite pair of shoes. I wear them everyday because I don’t have time to want to wear anything else. I went all over the place in those days and he was always there. The young women were always in tow. They thought he was beautiful and intelligent and strong and all the things they ever wanted in a man. He felt they were a little blind. He’s got values that’ll rip a man in two. His values ate me alive and I thought I wanted them. When we’re together it’s like two people who are together. Together like bread and cheese, not like locks and keys. We’re together but when we dance alone it’s better. His values made dancing hard.

You know
when you walk past a piano
and you rest your fingers on the keys
absentmindedly
and you play a tune
with no prior knowledge
of how to play
and the tune sounds nice
like something you had planned

that’s what it’s like
running into you

It’s the progression of one species
Cattle bred and full of red
Anger towards the whole lot of them
And the piercing eyes of everyone so blithe
Or pretending to be so as not be thought of as malicious
For that would contain the conscious
Into a balling spit of confusion
And an illusion would sure then have to form
From such a spotless creation
Nonexistent and true from the depths of a mind

Whenever you're around
I feel like something's nagging me
Like a mosquito in my ear
I try to focus
On me
On what I'm doing
In this exact moment
On my power
And my unity
And my soul
But all the while
You keep nagging
Nagging
Making me all too aware of your presence
I feel your stares
And I sense your frustration
With me
That I'm not with you
Next to you
Just chilling


Perhaps it's my fault
Perhaps you don't care
Or you're not thinking
About me


But that's worse


Oh that's so much worse


Because then.
The nagging
Is just me
My inner thoughts
Wanting desperately
For you to want me

The songs he wrote were syrupy
The way his fingers moved across his bass
Like he was swimming
Through thick. Thick. Water
The kind you find
In colder parts of the world


The words he spoke were syrupy
The way he let his tongue roll deep inside his throat
The way he mixed laughter into every syllable
The way he’d duck his head with embarrassment

I told him once that I’d like a goat
And the way I touch him
Well it sometimes feels like harassment
It’s just that he’s so
Adorable
And the way that he moves when he’s trying
To express
his pent up joy
Is syrupy  


I told him that I'd like to have a farm
Live without waste
Love as if I were blind
To the darkness we all harbor
But I'm lying
And he knows I'm lying
I'm not tired enough yet


To cultivate peace

I would sometimes stay awake just to hear his laughter
But
You could say his whole life was syrupy
The way he let things pass
By him
with no intention of grabbing hold
Of Opportunity


And I'd like to think that he and I
Are similar in most respects
And it seems as if I care for everyone
And that all I want is joy for all
And it seems that he cares for the little things
And that he cares for me
But we both know
That neither of us care
About much

I was sitting there thinking about oneness.
I’m not sure what I was thinking about or if it could even be considered thinking in any kind of meaningful way.
It was just a vicious cycle…how, how not, how?
I was thinking so hard I let my hand brush the curve of my breast—and he noticed.
His eyes glanced and flickered and the flicker said,
“what just happened?
Was she thinking about something?
Was she thinking about me?
Was it for me?”
then he remembered I was contemplating oneness
and everyone else
was contemplating oneness
and this is not the time nor the place.

I have something to say
Um…
It's a beautiful day?
No
I have something that I want
To tell you
I can't
Um…
Look at the shape of that tree
And the way it moves with the wind…

But
What I wanted to say was…
Well
Hey I never noticed
That building before
Hey are you cold?
I'm cold
Should we go somewhere else?

No
I have to say this just listen
I can't see you anymore

The bubbles in my throat mean
that I’m trying to cough up an idea
the sweat on my skin means
that I don’t have the ***** to free it


My tongue flies as the skies rise and I know you don’t hear me when I speak
my skin peaks low and my fingers twitch and I want to touch you
My tongue flies as the dirt seeps and the sun stings my eyes
My head snaps and I see your face and your face says something similar to mine
But my tongue still flies
as I try not to lie
and you try not to lie
when you say you agree
the stars start to shine and my tongue begins to whine
as it runs out of things to say
the anticipation makes you shake
your lips start to smile
and I’m afraid of you
we’ve been standing for a while
in a bed of comfort where it’s just you and me
now I’m afraid
because you want to be us
and I want to be us
and no amount of speech
can stop it

I had a dream last night
about you
as I spoke to you
I noticed
that
you had grey in your hair
and I woke up in a cold sweat
because it meant that I
had also
gotten way older
than I ever intended to be

I grew up
Knowing
That I was wrong
Somehow
Wow

I can't see myself
Without seeing the pain
That I have caused others
And I've always felt
I belonged
In the gutters

I think
I'm too big for this world
I don't know
How
To be
Just good
Or just bad

Okay
we can fall in bed together
if you wish
but know this
sometimes
I cry in the morning

How strange,
      To be filled with so many doubts
To have so many miscommunications with myself
To be living with so much distance
Between me
             And the others
I can't fathom this life without me in it
I can't fathom this life without you in it
The you that I saw this morning walking....
Running
To work
The you I noticed sitting on a wall
Looking at me
As if you wished I wasn't a stranger
We aren't
         My friend
                  We aren't
Even though I can not (will not?)
          Speak
To you
                           My friend
So strange,
      To feel so close to you
And yet
       To feel like I'll never be able
To know you.

It’s radical how some days I wake up and you forget how to light me up. How the river between us floods and our bodies are too small  to swim across. It’s astronomical how big your smile gets when you notice the habits of the people around you. I’m sorry some days when you forget how to smile and the fear within you has claimed the throne. I’m needy some days when I wish your smile was simply because of me. I’m self righteous these days because I believe I deserve the world and more. But I don’t. You do.  You deserve to smile everyday and win yourself the prize of a lifetime all the while knowing you are safe. Safe to be your very best.