How strange,
      To be filled with so many doubts
To have so many miscommunications with myself
To be living with so much distance
Between me
             And the others
I can't fathom this life without me in it
I can't fathom this life without you in it
The you that I saw this morning walking....
Running
To work
The you I noticed sitting on a wall
Looking at me
As if you wished I wasn't a stranger
We aren't
         My friend
                  We aren't
Even though I can not (will not?)
          Speak
To you
                           My friend
So strange,
      To feel so close to you
And yet
       To feel like I'll never be able
To know you.

Okay
we can fall in bed together
if you wish
but know this
sometimes
I cry in the morning

I was sitting there thinking about oneness.
I’m not sure what I was thinking about or if it could even be considered thinking in any kind of meaningful way.
It was just a vicious cycle…how, how not, how?
I was thinking so hard I let my hand brush the curve of my breast—and he noticed.
His eyes glanced and flickered and the flicker said,
“what just happened?
Was she thinking about something?
Was she thinking about me?
Was it for me?”
then he remembered I was contemplating oneness
and everyone else
was contemplating oneness
and this is not the time nor the place.

I grew up
Knowing
That I was wrong
Somehow
Wow

I can't see myself
Without seeing the pain
That I have caused others
And I've always felt
I belonged
In the gutters

I think
I'm too big for this world
I don't know
How
To be
Just good
Or just bad

Whenever you're around
I feel like something's nagging me
Like a mosquito in my ear
I try to focus
On me
On what I'm doing
In this exact moment
On my power
And my unity
And my soul
But all the while
You keep nagging
Nagging
Making me all too aware of your presence
I feel your stares
And I sense your frustration
With me
That I'm not with you
Next to you
Just chilling


Perhaps it's my fault
Perhaps you don't care
Or you're not thinking
About me


But that's worse


Oh that's so much worse


Because then.
The nagging
Is just me
My inner thoughts
Wanting desperately
For you to want me

I had a dream last night
about you
as I spoke to you
I noticed
that
you had grey in your hair
and I woke up in a cold sweat
because it meant that I
had also
gotten way older
than I ever intended to be

I have something to say
Um…
It's a beautiful day?
No
I have something that I want
To tell you
I can't
Um…
Look at the shape of that tree
And the way it moves with the wind…

But
What I wanted to say was…
Well
Hey I never noticed
That building before
Hey are you cold?
I'm cold
Should we go somewhere else?

No
I have to say this just listen
I can't see you anymore