Once again I fear,
I am only here
to steer
the sheep
into lamb.

What a nice plan!

Yet, lonely indeed...
A heart so full of love
can still bleed.
While you all fill each other's needs
I am alone, trying to get you to believe.

What will you do?
When faced with the untrue?
That is dying to break you into two?
Living to make you something unglued?

What will you do?
Skip the record backwards a few?
Listen to the song until it is through?
Ignore the message though it finds you?

What will you do?
When you have exhausted your options?
When you have loved with your all, all too often?
When you have given all your chances?
Gave in to fear, and missed out on romances?

WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Is the only question with weight.
Sends you swinging right out of the gate.
Gives you control over thy fate.

So, please...don't wait.
What will you do?
Answer it....
before it is too late*.

There's a lot
I don't know
There's a place
I won't go.
To the territory of the evil.
Because they seldom let go.
they open their arms
They promise no harm
But when you're looking down
Trapped in a frown
Crying out loud
They've got you
And they won't let go

You think it's better than rules
You think survival is your tool
Worshiping fools,
Don't you know?
You're better off believing
With all your being
That's someone I'd like to know

Let's be careful.
Not to wade in our emotions
Not to swim through the past.
Let's be careful.
To **** the memories of moments
That don't need to last.

Let's be careful
To lean into what is brand new.
To focus on our hearing.
To protect our new found view.

Let's be careful.
Love has to be cultivated.
Let's be careful
To love what we once hated.

On a bench I've never sat on, absorbing a brand new view.
I wonder if listening when people tell you who they are is something I should still do.
You give me different kinds of highlights, sort of like a preview.
But will I ever know if these things are even in you?

If your hesitation resides inside your glance
Will you walk tall to show pride?
Is it in your stance?
Where is it that you hide your romance?
See a person is so complex, I fear I'll never truly know after a lifetime, much less a first glance.

If you suffer the struggle
as I have in the past, of being a bit rude
or showing your- you get the picture.

Bit your lip instead! Say a prayer,
with humbleness take a knee,
bow your head.
There is no desire too large,
or feeling too strong.
To lead you into what your
heart knows is wrong.

If you are tempted by truth,
or something more evil.
Remember inside that we're all
God's people! We all struggle
together, and we struggle the same.
And I hope this poem reaches you,
even though the rhyme scheme is lame!

The very breath that created us, is still speaking.
God.
Above us. Around us. Within us.
He listens. He speaks. We wait.
The voice that changes everything.
Breathing on all that He created.
Breathing Fresh Life. Breathing New mercies. Breathing LOVE.

Oh to be loved by such a wonderful God.
That He would look upon the stained face of a sinner,
and SEE HIMSELF.
He never gave up on me.
He never cast me aside.
HE NEVER ABANDONS.
In fact, he runs after one
Leaving the 99

If you don’t know this Creator.
Get ready.
His heart is beating for you.
All of Creation is worshipping
HIS NAME
The name that gives LIFE
The name that IS LOVE.
The name that is above –
All other names.

JESUS.
Jesus.
JESUS!

There's a beautiful coffee shop,
I can't wait to show you.
I presently sit outside.
Here I come to spend too much money,
but there is no other place like this.

Monumental moments have transpired,
over the exotic coffee,
on top the perfectly finished wooden benches.

And I hope you love it.
I hope you'll like the sounds,
the people,
the conversation.

I hope you enjoy my tendencies to sing in public,
to get overexcited and to speak in some other person's
high pitched voice.

You are out there.
You are coming.
No matter how long it takes
I will believe in that.

Missing:* an angel of heaven.
Found: inside your eyes.

I like to sew little seeds of
love and faith, where I go.

I like to demonstrate how to believe,
so one day I may hear word that their hearts know.

The goodness, the love, the blessings
WILL BE!
If only you let go...

God is waiting, and ready to receive!
Those who were once stained,
he sees clean and pure like snow.

Truly, deeply, yet never mad.
This is the conundrum of love we have always had.
Aware of the air, when you are mine
Scents of lavender and pheromones intertwined.
Aware of our lips, fingertips on my hips,
Your smile. Oh, how on my heart it fiercely grips.

But if we viewed all these wonderful things under the glare of a magnifying glass,
Or like nosy pedestrians to a car crash,
Or crushed them all firmly under my thumb,
Or told you how dare you ever share them with anyone!
My dear, it would be as preposterous as telling the sun,
"You're no longer allowed to shine for just everyone."
Because even though my heart you've already won,
we will never know all the ways this love story could have begun.

I see it all.
Thus love occurs.

The way he views the giant world.
The innocence dancing across their faces.
Those who feel no separation of races.
The purity of my fellow girl.
the music leaking from their hiding places.
the lessons they hear when they listen.
the eyes before the cry, their slight glisten.

Human beings never truly realize
how beautiful it all is.
I am dying all the time
The least we could all
do is live.

I never thought banging on these keys until my emotions subsided would matter.

I never thought it would result in things as sweet as this.

I never thought I would ruffle feathers

I never thought I could change the world.

I never thought anyone, anywhere would read my words.

-but if you are,
Take something from it. That's why the words are there. Take hope, love, redemption, but be careful, there are those out there who don't take kindly to your happiness, sometimes I think they're everywhere.

Have you ever really heard?
You know the word
You know the birds,
But is it what you really heard?

Were you taught to observe?
Would you pause if you had the sense, when they tell you keep going around the curve?
Like treasure hunts and hide and seek they convinced us to grow old and not return
Like poets, scientists, revolutionaries, MLK they taught us to question what we learned is to burn.

"You don't go looking,"
He said unto me.
"Stop searching, be honest.
It's all you'll ever need
To see. What you seek."

I did
I believed.

I finally know what they mean
about falling in love,
it's not what it may seem,
to be in love with the
One up above.

He fills
my every seam
and crack.
Every hurt and sore.
He gives me all of that,
and so much more!

I am what I have always been.
I am just clearer now.

I am still the adjective you love to say,
Just better defined somehow.

Knowing everything will complete you and destroy you all at once,
You are not crazy
You are not alone
You are not delusioned
You are not ego
You are not person
You are not son

you
are
the
results
of
illusions
**undone

When you realize your life long best friend whose home you live in is fine walking out the door and never seeing you again.

When all your ideas are beautiful orchids, and those you reveal them to are dogs looking for relief.

When I look to you for something you don't know how to give.

When I wait three extremely long days for you to keep your promise.

When I still cry, and feel crushed, and wish I didn't exist here even though I am happy.

When I am a million things to a few people who do nothing for me.

When I don't see any of my family for months...and they make no attempts.

When I am tempted to let the months creep into years.

When I realize my boss is an idiot and possible ******.

When I trade them substance for substance calling them friend, but our relationships lack substance.

When everyone just wants what is in it for them, and I just want to give it to them to feel their happiness.

When I feel so alone I could explode.

When I doubt that I am okay.

Oh hello again,
poetry website that feeds my grief.
I am struggling with something,
it feels a lot like disease.
It's heavy and it hurts,
and feels cold like a freeze.
I never wanted any of it,
but it always finds me.

I empty myself out to try and get relief.
But it creeps back in the parts left open,
the parts that are just for you and me.
And I'm trying not to mind it,
but this type of trying never succeeds.

So it's just me, tears, and this website-
All I'll ever need.

I don't have religion
I have a relationship
with God.
The God who took my broken life
and transformed it into the most
magical story.

The story of a girl falling in love,
with a man who was 100% percent God
But in the flesh.
He is love personified.
He is the definition of everything she searched for
In every story, movie, song,
and poem.
He equaled the sum of all the parts
that just did not make sense.
He took her pain and turned it into
bars of gold.
He redeemed her.
He saw her.
He adopted her.

And wherever she went...
there He was.
Redeeming
Seeing
Adopting.
Making stories
out of moments that most would find
merely adequate.
He made poetry,
out of her pain.
He made sunshine
out of rain.

And she was never again
the same.

Looking back I feel is important
'Cause in everyday life
        Things get distorted
Although I am trying to see
      Like I intend it to be
                 There
                   are
                     no
             guarentees

I sit before him in my room
"What would you wish for if you could?"
I thought.
Taking long, painful breaths I cried.

"Honestly how could you choose?"
A smile danced across his face.
"My child that is the secret to life."
Shame pouring upon me I looked puzzled.

Like a father yearning to comfort he leaned in
to whisper, "You must put aside all humanly
longings to decide what it is your soul yearns
for."

After an eternity of silence I managed to squeak,
"But what would you wish for?"
A smile upon his lips, "Well, nothing.
It just came true."

Why do I have to be so perceptive?
To those being deceptive.
It burns through my
third eye's retina
emerita
of no nebula
aware of
everything.
Failing me never.
I guess I can thank God
for having made me
so clever.

Sometimes I think
You won't want to hear
What I think
What thoughts are near
And then I lean
into your heart
and let your love
wash light into what once was dark.

And this is where we all belong.
Singing out our worries in the form of song.
Spilling out our secrets, not because he wants to know
But because it brings Him into somewhere
we weren't allowing Him to go.

I'd like to turn the other cheek.
And take every hit.
Oh, but I am weak.
And in that dead spot, my God is strong.
And I wonder if I had listened better,
Would the pain have gone on this long?

I start to think I know nothing.
I still think this, if we're being honest.
Like I am gasping for His truth,
Drowning in a sea of carnal knowledge.
It is not about you,
or I
Or even college.
But all the ways He speaks the proof
of the truths I do not want to acknowledge.

I am broken,
like a needy, desperate youth.
Crying for His calmness.
Jesus,  I need you.
I pray I see this through-
Fearful of becoming fallen.

I can live with everything I've said,
can you?
Thought this would just make me upset,
Guess that parts true.
But that's the funny thing I noticed,
how about you?
The way I tell the truth like it's all I'm about to do.
Like everything I am working toward doesn't depend on you.
You're either with it or against, I guess that's not true...
If you really want you can be irrelevant, too.
Doesn't mean I won't always have love in my heart for you.

But, if I already burnt up all of my bridges
Guess it's a good thing my battle scars won't need stitches,
Cause it seems like I better know how to swim or convert
to being religious. But if I chose the latter would I be like you
judging all your decisions?

Okay.
Thought you heard the last of my beautiful words?
Call 'em what you want, I think that talk's for the birds.
I am just going to concentrate on puttin nouns with the verbs.
Concentrate on writing anything by which my soul is disturbed.

Lastly, I want this part to be the loudest verse heard.
Your words are nothing but words.
Your hate is tired and I've learned,
That I have nothing but love to give in return.

It gets harder to believe
What I once was sure of.
Like me..
and then you.
Oh, the foolish things
I thought I knew.

If we could have a conversation,
without chatting on what's new...
I'd bring you inspiration.
But now that's just too difficult to do.

You are a complete stranger.
I loved someone other than you.
I still dream.
And dream...
And dream about you.

And I wake up feeling unrested,
and thoroughly blue.
Why are my sleeping thoughts
choosing to think about you?

You, a ship I can no longer see
As I stand upon this shore.
I couldn't even book a ticket
If a fortune I had, and I could afford.

What lessons are to come from all of this?
What persons could endure?
Christ only becomes my strength,
my thankfulness.

Pray I remain landlocked upon this shore.

Hitting my own nerves,
I subject myself to the reading of words
Before the curve,
Unheard
Does anyone take the time to heal
all the other wounded birds?

Aren't both sides gathering the nerve?
Weaved into the world,
Darkness
Clutched round their hearts and necks to preserve
like strings of pearls
A world breeding monsters
out of innocent little girls.

Real-
is the courage to wake everyday.
your heart refusing to not play
its song.
with a bountiful, limitless forte.
No mezzo, no piano.
Life is the finest concert hall and stage.
And I will never
ever
refuse to play.

Feeling displaced

plays with
time and space

It's a relative race
to a finishing place
ahead of the grace
of my human race.

Is this a call to action?

I certainly think so,

I started as a chain reaction,

I am moving more towards ebb and flow.

I need the help of you all,

Otherwise these words have no where to go.

Without you they would fall,

dead.

Much like the nation we call home.

Engulfing all my senses
Every other echo evaporates into the atmosphere up here
I can smell your breath singing
Taste your loneliness swimming
Mine dives in with yours to copy your stroke
The both of us learning together how to stay afloat
Close one set of eyes to open another
In this realm of consciousness we are both brothers
Floating here forever,
The real world can certainly wait
I've felt nothing on the other side of the gate
When the dogs begin to howl and all the bells toll
I'll know that is the time in which to return home
Until then I press repeat for another lap in my head
Just five more minutes, I'm not quite ready for bed.

2:22*
giving you absence,
in hopes to not give you
blue.
because I know this world,
what else can we do?
Then Louis comes on at 2:22
Singing of a world so wonderful
and true,
reminding me how wonderful
it is to *just be by you.
But I will not give in,
to temptations that brew
I will love you until then
and I know
you will *love me too.

I want to make you feel good
The way any other should.
Open up to the idea, let's be understood
What would you do if you knew we could?

Do anything,
The sunshine I'll bring.
Sweetest sounds for you, I'll sing.
Lose your fear, let yourself ring
Don't indulge dear, all those silly things.

Beautiful you
Musical view
Oh, how the rhymes come true
Can we have this all the time?
Oh, it's gotta be
true.

I am stuck.
Been reaching towards the world forever but they laugh, "What a schmuck."
How did we all end up here?
Staring in the mirror like it has answers, alone in my house of Dies Drear.
I got better, but then I got worse.
Fixating on things that mean nothing, "Why that dude drive a hearse?"
Why do I feel so rehearsed?
Why does this feel like the same verse?
Because I am not even my self when I am at my worst.

I keep praying for better answers,
Keep praying that I find someone else to fall in love with, bad track record with cancers.
I keep praying he'll actually call.
Ten days past and more and more I feel like I'm being waterboarded under a waterfall.
I have no reason at all,
As to why I should wait around, must be the impending scent of fall.