darling,
       you're beautiful.
                      but not in the way most
                             people see
                      in the way your eyes blend
                             from brown to green
                and the way your freckles scatter
                             along your face
             and how more beautiful can you be
                      when your eyes light up
                                your smile appears
                                        & laughter springs
                                            out of your chest
                                   what a beauty you are
                             special, like the stars

The truth of it is-

he's not going to fix you

she's not going to make you forget
the way your father would hit you

He is not going to make your collarbones sprout roses
He will not make you forget how to need

The truth of it is-

She is not a savior
She is not able to fight off the demons in your dreams

He will not make you forget the way your mother left
The bloodstains in the bathtub will still be there

The truth of it is-
This is your life
This is not a movie

No one is going to swoop in and save you

You will have to grow your own wings if you want to fly away

Your name was the one I etched into the frosted glass of my dad’s F150
The day after the first Christmas you didn’t come home.

Your blood was the hot coffee I poured into my cup at 3 am
While I wrote essays about how you wrote Anna Karenina
In your previous life.

Your voice was the ghost that haunted my room as a little girl
Nine years before I met you.

You were every one of the five people I’ve slept with besides you.
You were the pink champagne I spilt on my white dress
The first time I got drunk alone.

You are my 11 p.m. dreams
And my morning showers,
And the blue-eyed strangers I make eye contact with in between.

You are the garden I’ll die in,
Or the car I’ll crash in,
Or the ghost I’ll follow into Eden.

The last time you slept in your own bed,
I was the blanket beside you
And the pillow that tasted your last breath.

When l reach for you on the left side of my bed,
you aren’t there.

You are the yellow roses I leave on your grave.
You are not dead. You live inside me.

All those days we talked about our endless dreams
Where worlds lit up and rainbows never die
We'd talk for hours, cause that's what best friends do
We love, live and grow together as one

We fight each other, challenge each other
Never as much as we would fight for each other
We'd talk for hours, cause that's what best friends do
Come rain or sunshine, we'll stand together as one

Through high school dramas and mid-life crises
We found that balance to beat the odds
We'd talk for hours, cause that's what best friends do
Even on our darkest days, we got through it as one

I'm lucky I found my best friend in my mum
I'm truly the luckiest one!

My world is about to fall
When you said you can't love me
The way that i love you
I pity myself for loving you

You're so inconsiderate
You fool me
I can't beg you to stay
Just to have your love

I would let time heals
My bleeding heart
Till it stop
To the last drop

But i'm still thankful
We ended as early as dawn
I have more time
Restoring my wounded heart
Before the sun will smile

A storm of petals
a cheery blossom blooming
hands barely touching
hearts in synchronicity
two strangers falling in love