I didn't even know that I was dead
That my empty veins held no life
And my heart
That engine of my life
Had sputtered to a stop
And become cold
That my bloodied hands
Somewhere in the climb
Had faltered
Lost their grip
And let the rough stone
Slip
My hand suddenly clenching
Nothing
Just an empty fist
I didn't even feel the fall
The rushing wind
Nor even the impact
I didn't even know
Until I looked up at the sky
And it's pearly blue
With quickly fading sight
That I was dead

I do everything to see her happy
Because her smile
Lights a glow in my heart
It shines on me like
The warm spring sun
Making me feel better
To my bones
I do everything to wipe the tears
From her inner child
Those tears that
Never should have been
Kiss her cheek
And make it better
Be the man
She should have had
Love and protect her
Care for her
Let her laugh
Make her smile
Because her smile
Shines like the sun

I haven't left
Just pounded the inspiration
Out of my hand
With 20 Lbs. of hammer
A hand is a hell of a thing
To have
And it's starting to look
As if it's not healed
So woe for me
As it seems
My muse must live in that hand
And once again
She has fallen down the stairs

As freedom fades
to twilight dim
and darkness filters in
Hopes fall
Like withered leaves
On droughted lands
Of deep despair
But we ourselves
Are here
Brought,
Not blown
By fate and resolve
To stand before the storm
uncolored by fear
unshaken by threat
We Stand

For freedom

He cast himself against the rocks
And the waves and the cold
Ground him into sand
Yet still
As a man
He tried to stand
But the surf
The power and the fury
Of the earth
Pounded him
And pounded him
Until he could no longer stand
And slowly
Wave by wave
He was taken out to sea

It was relegated to the old root cellar
Dropped in haste in  forgotten storage
Where dimmest beam of shafted light
Kept it 'live in yellowed life , weak and twisted
Root and vine, seeking sickly , striving life
But now it's out in planted field
Furrowed in and giving yield
Vine and bud quickly growing
Spreading out and surely choking
All the other crops of life
Air and water , precious light
Strangled , starved , beneath the blight
It feeds upon all below
In rapid spreading nourished growth
Soon to cover , spread to all
Like a **** , all fields will fall
So grows the tyranny imposed on men
Carefully planted and watered in

Gone from this body
And flown
To fairer places
With no pain or travail
Gone but for the memory
And love left behind
Gone but for legacy and legend
Gone but for us
The three percent
Left behind

My life has gone

and I say

Goodbye

One drip at a time

I give my things away

I pay my debts

Make amends

Then

and now.

Things are mixing.

I may pass

from one new life

to another

Either way

I pass through,

whether it be

to a new life

or a new death

Only time

will tell

Passion unbound

In forbidden love

Lust spilled and love found

In the cold tile hall

Beneath the stairwell

No walking here

Not for now for sure

Passion and skin

Beneath the stairwell

I remember the day the world ended
Just went away
No flashes of light
Nothing to see
A Blanket of dark
Over my eyes
Gone
Gone in the night
The world over
And now nothing more
Nothing but war

Some days it *****

To be a poet

To have words

Softly banging

In your head

Clouding your sight

With visions

Of things pictured

Or perceived deep

Within your brain

Incomprehensible

And duplicitous

Swirling and straining

To chain

Into verse or prose

The Goddesses of words

Unasked and uninvited

Laboring in your mind

Squatted down and

Birthing broken strings

Of words

That linked correctly can

Make them demi- gods

Half God

And

Half lyric

Spelling out the Iliad

Perhaps…

But you are left

Walking through the day

In a daze

Quietly tasting words

As they flood

Into your mouth

And onto your lips

From the jumbled maze

Inside your brain

I won’t hold her

I won’t bind her to this earth

Not after losing the second one

Not after losing her baby

I won’t force her to stay

Not by promise or time

Or love or sacred vow

There is only so much

A human heart can take

Before it bleeds and breaks

When this one goes

I think that I I will have say goodbye

To all that I love

I won’t hold her

Anymore

I always wondered where her love went
It was like it was bled from her
A slit vein that ran dry
I was the only one that she gave it to
And I was young and greedy
And I think that I took it all
Used it up
A hungry pup nursing at the ****
And there was none left over for anyone else
She became withered and dry
And by the time her own children came
That love had been replaced by hate
Maybe it had just been killed
And that hate was like the darkness
That is already in a room
Just waiting for the light to be turned off
And then it takes over everything
It didn't help
That it had been infused with ****** along the way
Shot sweating late at night in a seedy room
Or in the parking lot behind the *******
But something had turned that love to hate
Solidified it in her veins
Until she was nothing
No voice
No heartbeat
Nothing
She became a statue
Just hard stone
And the sad part is that she had four babies
Who tried to nurse from her cold stone ***
And tried to get some of the love that I had
But it was long used up and gone
And they had to try and survive and live
With nothing to feed on but that cold hate
And they all survived for the most part
Except for Amber
Poor Amber
In the end, I think the hate finally got her

I watch what unfolds around us
With a growing feeling of dread
It's like watching the Kennedy assassination
Except we are Kennedy's head

Kiss me now like it is the last time
For tomorrow only brings sorrow
Kiss me now
And hold me
While warm love is still on my lips
Warm breath still in my body
Kiss me now
While I still have life
For some time tomorrow
I will be cold

Kiss me now like it is the last time
For tomorrow only brings sorrow
Kiss me now
And hold me
While warm love is still on my lips
Warm breath still in my body
Kiss me now
While I still have life
For some time tomorrow
I will be cold

Her juices drip

From my lips

Her wetness

My only desire

I have forgotten

Who I am

I am lost

In the scent

And taste

Of her passion

Her passion

Becomes

All that I am

For the moment

I drink her love

I drink her

Her lips

Kiss mine

passionately

Back

I thought of her one day

Walking in the woods

Between the sun and shade.

My wild child,

My Celtic beauty,

Beautiful and strong,

Her blonde hair

Flying in the wind.

With a smile on her

Face and mine,

We raced through

The small streets

On roaring steel,

Daredevils,

Without care.

I smiled as the wind

Ruffled through my hair

And wondered

Where

My wild child

Had gone.

I thought of her one day

Walking in the woods

Between the sun and shade

My wild child

My little Celtic beauty

Beautiful and strong

Her blonde hair

Flying in the wind

With a smile on her face

And mine

We had raced through

The narrow streets

On roaring steel

Wanton daredevils

Without fear or care

I smiled as the wind

Ruffled through my hair

Gently whispering memories

And wondered

Where

My wild child

Had gone

I reached out to touch her
And nothing was there
Her soft warmth
Was missing
Even the ghost
That she left in the bed
When she slipped away
Late in the night
Was gone
That wraith of heat
And scent that lingered
On in the sheets
Was missing
That spot that I could feel
And know
That she had just been there
There was nothing now
But the cold
My hand touched
Nothing
Someday I realized
That this would be forever
That there would be more
Cold
Than I could bear
Last night meant
Nothing
It was only
Anger blowing like the wind
Disturbing the night
Throwing leaves and debris
In the darkness
I rushed home to find her
Soft and warm
Nestled in our bed
And put her skin
Beneath my kiss
And held her warmth
And softness
In my arms
My hands feeling her
Caressing her
Beneath the sheets
Last night meant
Nothing
Nothing at all

My pen is my saxophone

Played loud and lonely

In the night

Tunes of sorrow and joy

Running like honey

Singing sweet songs

Brass and breath

Heart beat and pen

Leaving languishing notes

Trailing in the dark still of night

Let your children grow cold
Cold and hard as stone
Let your hot tears never fall on their skin
Let them go to the ground
Alone and without you
May your sorrow and grief
Never see them again
Never give the last goodbyes
May you be given as you have given
Not a measure more
Nor a measure less
May grief and misfortune
Follow you for what you have done
For you have forsaken a mothers love
And denied her
Her dead son

I can't bear the thought of leaving her
My heart that races when I see her
Stopped and still inside my chest
My life's blood
That I would so gladly bleed for her
Dead within my veins
Casting off that cold corpse like a blanket
And flying into the darkness
Leaving her so alone
A broken widow in this world
Her soul mate flown
Gone away without her
I can't bear the thought of leaving her
Just going away
Leaving her nothing
But my cold flesh to cry on

I breathe rage
The fire from my heart
Overflowing
Waiting

Outrage turned to anger
Overflowed and out the door
Let it start here
Let it start now
Let it come to war
Lay down their bodies
And burn fires in the night
Fan the flames of fury
With smoke and wind and might
Savage thirst in righteous quest
Will not rest until it's quenched
Let it start here
Let it start now
Let it come to war

Slowly circling chains

forged with deceit,

hammered out with contempt

are fitted for us.

Freedom bleeds upon

the ground of history

The lifeblood of our nation

darkly pools

As we lay dying

Our choice will be

the chain or the sword

Let my blood bleed

Let me fall

As I will die free

You would feel so much better

If I unleashed my anger on you

Your self pity

Could be buried

By the torrent of my rage

It would be twisted

Into being about you

As you drowned beneath

The roiling current

You could go cold

Beneath the waves

And let the river pass over you

Watching the fading sky

“Til you slowly slipped away

But I won’t

I will make you feel

What you have done

I’ll stay the high ground

And not burst the dam

Let the river run gentle

Let the water run calm

Let you remember

The shame

Of your betrayal

We bleed liberty

Her lifesblood

Spattered and pooled below

Grasping reason reaches

In vain

To understand

The meaning of the pain

With weakened limb

And fading brain

Quickly darkening sight

Closes in

And

She succumbs

Without a sound

And fades away

My words became
Roses
And made bouquets
To brighten her room
Beautiful red roses
Without any wilted petals
Of sorrow or fear
I left them laying
Strewn carelessly
About her bed
And left the crying
For the cold hallways

My words became
Roses
And made bouquets
To brighten her room
Beautiful red roses
Without any wilted petals
Of sorrow or fear
I left them laying
Strewn carelessly
About her bed
And left the crying
For the cold hallways

It was ******* terrible
Probably the worst thing I've had to do in my life
I couldn't look at her
The life drained from her young face
Killed by life
By child molesters
By her ***** of a mother
She looked at me and smiled
Asked me if I would come back and see her when she was better
But I knew that there was no better
There was no later
I had to leave the room
And let hot tears pour onto the cold and sterile tile
Before I could answer
I lied
I lied
I smiled and kissed her goodbye
Knowing that it would be final
And said goodbye

I think it was losing Lyric that did it
After everything else that I had lost
It was the  final straw
My gardens once bright and heavy laden with fruit
Became dry and fallow
The soil hard and unworked
Uncared for
The bright blue sky became pale
The sun harsh and hot
My hands so full of carving and craft
Gripped nothing
No longer was beauty
Birthed by them
They were as empty as my heart
In the end

In cold and bitter dark

Madness falls like rain

The muddied slopes of reason

Slowly slip away

Gentle momentum

In falling

Gains

And brings the mountain

Tumbling down

He has gone past
being a  man
He has transcended life
and crossed over
though he is still here
His works and dreams
are gone
Though he doesn’t know
He has become a fragile shell
Holding the vestiges of life
of family
to the end
He has faded in the pain
Consumed by the unfightable enemy within
I stopped in to see him
on St. Paddy’s day
I hoped that he could make that party
that he wanted to attend
But it was not to be
If I could turn back time
by a week, I would
Just a week
All the man wanted
was a **** St. Paddy’s day party
He has become
one of the lost Irish souls
for on St. Paddy’s day
we are all Irish
At least
that is what he told me
I lift one for you tonight
Happy St. Paddy’s day
and goodbye to one **** good Irishman

One day I stopped believing In you

No longer did your smile

Or your lies of love matter

Your bittersweet words

Lost their sweetness

Your smile mocked

Your lies

Became lies

Love at first sight
Wasn't for me
Until it was

Love does not speak tonight
It pants
In warm whispers in your ear
With fingers trailing silken skin
Tracing soft and subtle curves
It pants
In hot and hurried breath
It licks
It bites
Salt and wet
'Til torrid passion
Is finally met
Love does not speak tonight
But sighs gently in your ear

I wish for you

All that you gave to me

As I gave to you

All that I had

You thought that

I would love forever

Until I couldn't

Care for you

Until I wouldn't.

Give to you

As long  you could take

Until you took

My love

And made it hate

I hope someday

That someone

will give

To you

What you gave

To me

My love

I await the awakening of my love

She slumbers in undreamed sleep

Held between dark and morn

The last bonds of night still hold her

Slowly slipping fetters

Fading with the dawn

In the shadowed twilight

I wait to see her stir

Sunset softly fading in ****** hues of red

Soul slipping silently, body falling dead

To fly again, free again

Borne on wings of oblivion

Rushing ever outward

To become one with God again

A windblown soul

Quickly waning weaker

For just one moment

It sees and wants

What it has just forsaken

Every day I slumber and as I do the life of
light and love and laughter passes silently
by.My world of eternal sleep and shadowed
night is frequented by the wraiths of the
living, come to mock, pity or invite me to
their world of sunshine. But that is for
them.This land of eternal dusk is inhabited
only by souls such as myself, cut off for
eternity from the rays of the sun and the
gentle breezes.We are creatures of the dark,
born to our destiny, blind and cold and this
is all we know.Some of us care, some not, but
all one and the same we shoulder our burden
and trudge incessantly and wearily down the
path to hell

Oblivion, oblivion, hope of the ******.

Your dark waters lap incessantly at the

shores of life.

Washing, ever eroding, until that day when

the body as stark and white and naked as

it was when it left the depths of your abyss

plunges headlong into your black waves

My disease is free.

Stained upon this carpet of green.

Slipping away, bound no more by pain,

by loss,

by destruction,

by hatred,

My disease, my life, runs slowly from my veins

Shades of black and dusky grey
Like wind whipped, whispering leaves
Cloud my memory dull and dim
chasing all but fleeting ghosts away

I know that somewhere deep within
The twisted labyrinth of my brain
There lies a place of green and light
Of peace behind the pain

In my heart is war,

My hands, craft

My lips, love

My mind, chaos

My soul is empty.

I am man.

Melancholy in my coffee
Subdues my day
Dresses me in drab
Lifeless clothing
The smile I wore yesterday
Left hanging in the closet
Slightly wrinkled
Sends me out the door
Under the grey sky
My vision clouded
My mind numbed
Even your warm skin
I kiss goodbye
Can't make the sun shine today
Tomorrow, I think, I'll take
My coffee black

I flash like lightning
Blue crackling fury
From a cloudless sky

That child of my youth

Lies now in her bed

As she always did

Covers pulled up to keep her warm

But she is thin and frail

As she was as a young girl

The safety of the bed though

Evades her

As it always did

The things underneath

Still haunt her

And have become real

Those shadowed horrors from below

Have come to claim her

Tubes are snaked like vines

Around her

Invading her

Covering her like an ancient ruin

Finding every crevice to crawl into

A young woman

Now old

The road maps on her skin

Traced not by time and experience

But by tragedy and chance,

Cruel blows that glanced

From her guarding arms

She will never know laugh lines

Burned into her skin by a million smiles

Those smiles will never come

They will only be bitter sweet ones

smiled by us

As we talk about old times

Laughing into the night

With worn grins

And Tired eyes

And the lines will be etched

Into our faces instead

What we measure in decades

She measures out in minutes

Hours are years

And days stretch into decades

Every moment is now measured into a cup

Metered and parceled

On a glowing monitor

The poor girl who never had a chance

Still doesn’t

And never will

It is such a shame

She is such as a sweet girl

And she has such soft hands

That child of my youth

Lies now in her bed

As she always did

Covers pulled up to keep her warm

But she is thin and frail

As she was as a young girl

The safety of the bed though

Evades her

As it always did

The things underneath

Still haunt her

And have become real

Those shadowed horrors from below

Have come to claim her

Tubes are snaked like vines

Around her

Invading her

Covering her like an ancient ruin

Finding every crevice to crawl into

A young woman

Now old

The road maps on her skin

Traced not by time and experience

But by tragedy and chance,

Cruel blows that glanced

From her guarding arms

She will never know laugh lines

Burned into her skin by a million smiles

Those smiles will never come

They will only be bitter sweet ones

smiled by us

As we talk about old times

Laughing into the night

With worn grins

And Tired eyes

And the lines will be etched

Into our faces instead

What we measure in decades

She measures out in minutes

Hours are years

And days stretch into decades

Every moment is now measured into a cup

Metered and parceled

On a glowing monitor

The poor girl who never had a chance

Still doesn’t

And never will

It is such a shame

She is such as a sweet girl

And she has such soft hand

Glowing waves

of grey and white

iridescent clouds

wash softly

against the pale shores

of the night sky

They lap against

the shining moon

But it is a beauty

I can’t enjoy

My love, my love

is not at my side

The beauty is lost on me alone

I am lost as me alone.

She sleeps

As the night does beautiful things

She sleeps

While I wonder

What would I ever do

without her?

All the beautiful things of the world

are lost

on me alone

Tomorrow I think

We will watch the sunset

and the moon rise

Tomorrow, tomorrow