This is the truth I forgot
And the lie that I bought
Exchanging my life for a broken path
And getting hurt in the aftermath
Leads me down a road of wrath.

I'm better than this, for sure
Even I'm a little bit impure
Hoping to be secured
Knowing I'm ensured
Of a life eternal
Worth a million broken hearts.

Simple...
Like putting one foot in front of the other;
When you've lost both your legs.

Simple...
Like inhaling and exhaling air;
When your lungs have collapsed.

Simple...
Like falling asleep and dreaming sweet dreams;
When you're terrified of sleep because of the nightmares.

Simple...
Like drinking a glass of water, or eating a meal;
When you're in a desert place, vultures overhead.

Simple...
Like being warmly embraced by your loving mother;
When your mother is a skeleton in the ground, bottle still in her boney hand.

Simple...
Like riding a bicycle after years of walking;
When a tire is flat and the brakes are cut.

Simple...
Like standing on a mountain and breathing the freshness;
When the avalanche comes and wipes you out.

Simple...
Like falling in love and living happily ever after;
When she doesn't love you one ounce...

Simple...
Like repeating yourself in so many different ways;
When your repetitive mind drives you over the edge.

Yeah, life is real simple sometimes.

Do you hear that sound?
That horrible sound.
Do you know what it is?

Is it an iceberg forming?

Crackling and crashing,
Glacier losing its child,
Broken into the ocean,
Lost and adrift forever.
No.

Is it a tree falling?

All alone in the forest,
Nobody to hear it die,
Tumbling towards gravity,
Deadly somersault below.
No.

Is it a heart breaking?

Passions toned down to blank,
And sheets empty and cold, lost.
Unfathomable reason, love gone,
As yet just another year falls away.
No.

Is it a soul weeping?

The sound of shattered glass hitting the floor as she walks out of bed, still mourning the loss of him.
The sound of an empty beer bottle clinking against the bar counter as he remembers the children he can't see.
The sound of a growling stomach as the child rummages through the trash pile seeking to feed his toddler sister.
The sound of martyrs being slain in silence, with not a single eye passing their way.
The sound of a Father's heart breaking as one sheep gets separated from the other ninety-nine.
Yes.
That's the sound.

Do you hear this heart thumping? Sounds normal, doesn't it?
Sounds like a healthy and steady heart. But there's death in it.
Sometimes too much blood pumps in it. It regurgitates back into itself, fills it with too much blood and it stresses to pump it all out in time. So if you're lucky, you might hear it do a big thump followed by rapid thumps. Then back to normal.
Normal... I thought it was normal until recently. Now I know it could be fatal and there's nothing I can do about it. It could enlarge my heart over time, or it could pop like a balloon. Or I can live to be a hundred; it's in God's hands.
It never hurts, but it does feel weird. Like one of those rubber toys filled with water, and you squeeze one end of it. Feels like that for only a second.
I'm okay with the possibility of dying. Just know if I do, I loved you all as much as I could. Don't cry for me.

blessed are the pure in heart
pure in heart
pure in heart
for they shall see god
see god
see god
and not be blinded by
sickles in eyes
harvesting what the world
longs to buy
to buy
to buy
a cost of soul
a meeting of minds
reality transcends
the emptiness within
its a story its a spin
layers of caked on sin
leprosy covered sin
cut off and not allowed
to see god
see god
see god
so i pray make me clean
been this way since fourteen
maybe longer maybe less
couldn't care less
theres sins i dont confess
i just undress and
let my nakedness be my shame
take the blame
its only a game
im only a name
my only aim
to hit the mark
have a pure heart
and finally see
god

Come the summer outro, shall we dance in the rain of this season, or make rain in grief of lost time?

I have forgotten how to breathe
yet my lungs keep me alive;

I am losing everyone
because I lost myself;

I am falling apart
splinter by splinter;

I am now lost
the walls break down;

Who am I;
What is in the mirror these days?

Holding so many secrets of so many people
Everyone confides in me their darkest deeds
I'm not sure why people trust me so much
I haven't done anything to earn it
Except keeping my mouth shut

But I want to say thank you for trusting me
Those who have confided in me
I see you at your worst moments
And I see the beauty in you
I won't ever let go of you guys

Violent dreams curse my vain tries at sleeping,
**** and death await my closed eyes,
Like a siege schemed by my mind,
Not letting me forget I'm always dead.

My thoughts, still waking, slip to slumbering darkness,
Terrified of the horrors my mind generates.

Zombies don't eat brains;
Demons do.

I'm just here at 11:15pm
writing at a **** screen
for some **** reason
I forgot when I lost my
******* heart.

I don't feel anymore
don't know why
where my heart was
a paper wrapper sits
saying expired

My head just as empty
saying hello to the fairies
that don't exist in my world
just a lot of fallen angels
slowly dying.

But this **** screen
doesn't solve my issues
that I can't resolve because,
*for ****'s sake I'm not me
anymore

The flower of love I will let go//
to unfold in the wind//
to blossom elsewhere//
All has been said//
None have been true//
Walls and towers built//
over a hundred wood crosses//

Flowing velvet worn to rugged//
Snatched away by life and death//
this doesn't feel like home anymore//
this isn't my home//
Desperation holds the nostrils shut//
& ***** the air out of our lungs//
We settle for none// and love even less//

My mind feels cold, damp, dark,
A cracked stone drips water down,
Drip drip drip drip drip,
Everything recedes away revealing,
More darkness, shadows of darkness,
Everything is slipping away into,
A thousand shades of grey and dullness,
The precious jewels, valued metals,

They have corroded and turned to black ash,
Leave them at the still riverbed. Stilled by death,

Companion, my only companion,
A raven, and a crow,
Each pecking at an eye,
Trying to break into my soul,
I loved you, locked it away,
And now I love nothing,
I have sacrificed myself for you,
Walking into the grey sunset,
Remember me.

All signs point to depression, and side effects of depression may include talking to those skeletons in your closet at 4am when you dream about her. Again.

Talking to ghosts isn't scary or bad, mostly it's just sad, because she's still alive and you act like she's dead. She's not dead. she's just not in your life anymore.

It's been two and a half years since we last talked, and I'm sure I can reach out or find a friend of a friend who maybe knows where you are.

But I won't.

Because the same reasons that drove you away, drive me to stay where I have been for the last three years.

I have grown up, but I have not moved on, I'm just loftier and believe that I can die happy because maybe I changed a half-dozen lives for the better. But I can't prove that.

I'm not suicidal, but I still keep that shotgun barrel at the back of my mouth just to keep myself hostage to the past. To the memories.

So I stay away.

Because I'm stuck.

My mind likes to divide instead of multiply, then compartmentalize all the things I want to say. But Rationalization clears it's throat and speaks in a somber way.

"You died that day you threw your love away. Your words do not matter, anymore."

I check the time; it's 4am. Here we go again.

The words won't form,
And the muse is silent.
Mind, imagination, passion,
All clotted up, bottled, under pressure.

Let there be no dawn from the sun,
I wish it not to be,
The dark pits of my mind's eye,
Leave me withering,
Cradling any hope and goodness,
But it is dead in my arms,
Like a smothered infant child,
My tears turn to blood,
Fingernails claw rock as I slide,
Further down,
Echoes rise up this chasm,
Earth falls on me...

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so very sad,
Not that anyone ever knows I'm sad,
Because I'm a master of disguise,
Happiness I wear in perfection.

Sometimes I wish I had no heart,
Everyone says I have a big heart,
They don't know it's broken in so,
Many inconceivable ways.

There is no vice that can dull me anymore,
Believe me when I say I'm incapable of numbness.

My heart has been longing,
Like a thirsty man longs for,
A drop of water,
In desert heat.

But there is no quenching for my poor heart.
Every oasis turns to a mirage in time,
And water holes dry up revealing cracked clay.

Somewhere, buried in a mountain of sand and salt,
Is a heart that had so much love to give,
But died of thirst on his journey.

I guess you solved me like a Rubik cube,
Put me in your closet,
And let me choke on a lifetime of dust.

Amid a maelstrom of emotions,
  My heart is doomed and languid.
A broken love, tattered devotions,
  Falling hopes and rising anguish.

Carelessly wounded, my heart crawls,
  Foolishly forsaken my glorious Lord.
Surrounded by my collapsed sand walls,
  The loss was a cost I can't ever afford.

As long as you wear glasses with mirrored lenses on the inside, you will always be right in the eyes of the person you're talking to.

Your truth is,
More fiction than,
Your ugly lies.

Your ugly lies,
Are more honest,
Than your truth.

a sigh will suffice
despite the noise i wish to say
heaviness holds the words down
so silent memories will have to do

Anxiety is depression without the resignation;
the teetering hope on the cliff edge, not knowing if it will fall or right itself.

You don't need to cry, I'll hold you in my arms
Your tears needn't flow, a heart broken mends
I won't leave you alone this night, my dear
Find comfort in me, and my care for you
Tremble not in your skin, be in my embrace
Stay in the safety of this bed with me
Feel my heat and rest in my arms
Sweet dreams to you
And goodnight

My eyes are eyes like yours,
My arms.
My face.
My blood.
All flesh and bones.
Just like everyone else.

But when you get to my heart,
You will see it houses a synthetic soul.

My mind nothing more than,
A cold-blooded machine,
Analyzing,
Organizing,
Expanding.

I bleed red,
As do you.
I feel the wind,
As do you.

But we're not alike,
My flesh is nothing more,
Than a cloak,
Covering my metallic being,
Caged in mortality.

Can't carry a cross
Through sin's frosts
In this frozen hell
Under a crystal spell
Trying to stay alive
But I really need a revive
Because I'm taking a nose dive
And I can't contrive
Locked in this wretched maze
Under a demonic gaze
If only I could give You praise
I could see that You always
Amaze

The curtain closes after the bow
Creaking leather shoes start their step
Exit stage left
Applause
Silence

tap tap tap tap

Time stands as still as his heart
and a question ****** his mind
if his words were empty
or just the audience?

He got into this business to hurt
to feel something
It was his drug, after all
But he finally healed
Years later
A smile touches his scars

tap tap tap tap

Exit stage left
'Til death, does he art

I met my muse this morning
I put a bullet in her heart
She knew too much
But now I can't write

Oops

What would you tell me if you knew the greatest gift you ever received, you didn't know I gave it?

What would you do if the greatest sacrifice I made for you went behind your back unnoticed?

You forgot that you told me that very important thing.

I never forgot it,
But I let it go,
So you can,
Be happy.

Maybe if you knew you'd be happier than if you didn't know.
I can't tell.
But it's not worth the price if I'm wrong.

It keeps me up late at night,
Knowing that you don't know;
You don't know what you said,
You don't know what I did for you.

Maybe one day you'll know.
There's already a letter to be opened,
Upon my death.
If I die before you,
You'll know.

And your heart will break.