In this space its just you and I,
Among the fields of green and blue,
The sun is setting and the wind is brisk,
My body feels light as I close my eyes.

The sun feels nice on my skin,
Its soft rays make me feel warm and tingly,
Kiss my tears away and say that you love me,
Tell me you'll stay and will never leave me.

Can we stay like this for a little while longer?
Im not ready to let go of you just yet,
Hold me close and sing me a lullaby,
Put me to sleep one last time.

if i am to die before i reach you,
please know that my arms are weeping as they will never be able to hold you in them on a warm night.

if i am to die before i get to hold your hand in mine,
know that your voice is the only thing calming me down as i transcend to the light.
our conversations will be carved into my veins and your sweet words will be replayed in my mind.

if i am to die before my eyes meet yours,
please know that i am forever indebted to you for bringing me out of the dark,
before i met you i didn't think I'd ever get to feel happiness again; the feeling felt so distant,
but now my smile reaches my eyes and i light up every time i see you.

if i am to die before i get to kiss you,
know that I've imagined us meeting over a thousand times,
the warm feeling that spreads through my chest never gets old.

if i am to die before i reach you,
know that i would've gone to the ends of the Earth for you,
i am eternally grateful that you made me feel so special,
and you deserve so much more than you think you do.

you are the sun,
you brightened up my life and turned my dark days into ones that felt like spring.
you made flowers grow in my chest and made me want to be a better person.
i can only hope that i had some effect over your life as well.

if i am to die before i can hold you close to my chest,
please know that your life was the best part of mine.

What are you up to these days?
I hope you finally got your head out of the maze,
I wonder if you’ve patched things up with your parents,
You know they only want what’s best for you, nothing less.

I noticed that you’ve finally fixed your sleep schedule,
I hope college hasn’t been too much of a hassle,
I’m glad that you’re able to occupy your mind,
It’s better than having to deal with your demons most of the time.

I wonder if you think about me while you lie awake at night,
Once the sky’s finally lost it’s light,
Do you think about all the things we left behind,
Or am I the last thing that’s on your mind?

Do you catch yourself reaching out to talk to me,
Only for pride to step in and seize the opportunity?
Are you waiting for me to step in and be friendly,
Or have you already cast me out as another one of your nobody’s?

I was naive enough to believe that we’d be the exception,
The ones to beat the odds put up against them,
Instead I’ve realised that I was merely a stop in your journey,
A lesson to learn along the way when you got lonely.

You held my hand in the dark,
I gave you a thousand reasons to not let me go,
It was my fault for basing my love on pure affection,
I thought I was giving your life direction.

Negative opinions on us would scare me sometimes,
But the future I saw in your eyes told me otherwise,
Now I spend every second of each day all alone,
Wondering if I’ll ever hear you stop by to say ’Hello’.

After everything that has gone down,
I’d understand if you couldn’t face me now,
I wouldn’t hesitate to walk away if you asked me to,
Even if it meant that I’d be losing the one good thing that I once knew.

This constant battle of tug-of-war with the universe has taught me to be cognisant,
Of how fragile I am between the few good moments,
Moments where I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be suffocated by these four walls,
The same four walls that have seen and heard every one of my downfalls.

Its funny how one word can pull the trigger to a lifetime of memories,
I’ve spent so much time isolating them but they come up just as easy,
The days I spent sitting on the cold, bathroom floor with slits on my wrist,
Never expecting to wake up the next morning or live through another night like this.

Each morning is a guessing game of which body part I hate the most;
Will my thighs, my arms or hairy legs be looked at and called “gross”?
The razor sitting in my top drawer rattles and calls out my name,
Will today be the day I carve out hateful messages and sit out in pain?

I try to block out the thoughts that are circling in my mind;
Pointing their daggers at my back and slowly killing me from the inside,
My heart feels heavy as I put on a smile and thank god that I’m alive,
We both know that i’m lying but at least I can convince myself, even if it's just for a while.

Trees of auburn and gold,
Where time is irrelevant and love is bold,
Waves gently stroke the shore,
You are mine and I am yours.

Hues of red and pink flood the sky,
Buildings are covered with neon signs,
Dozens of petals decorate the floor,
Suddenly you’re not that far away anymore.

Sunlight dances off the leaves;
Glistening and sparkling in all shades of green,
I wonder if you still feel the same way after,
I look into your eyes and I’ve found my answer.

The pitter-patter of rain against the window,
I turn and I see you drooling on your pillow,
I let out a chuckle and gaze at you in awe,
For you are mine and I am yours.

I'm surrounded by these four walls,
My thoughts bouncing off of them;
Loud and clear.

I find comfort in these four walls,
Knowing that my cries for help never leave,
That when I wail at night no one can get to me.

I also feel trapped by these four walls,
They make me feel small,
The white colour blinding me when I come up for air each time.

But these four walls know me better than anyone else here,
They know the real me.
Because when I leave these four walls every morning,
I leave as a new me.

This world could show nothing to me,
So what good would living do me?

I'm gonna go back five years,
And color in all the moments I've had with you,
In every shade of the rainbow,
Make it feel like forever.

Cringy love poems and sleepless nights,
Spending every waking moment wishing you were by my side.

Am I really a poet,
If all I ever write about,
Is you?

Stay*,
I whispered,
As the door shut behind me.

You are the smell in the air after a heavy downpour of rain,
The light seeping through my curtains at the crack of dawn.

You are the heavy taste of wine on a night out,
The aroma of lavender coming from one of my favourite flower shops.

You are the curves of the highlands and in the citrus taste of the sea,
The sound of waves crashing against the shore.

But then again,
I see you in the electricity of thunder,
The bitterness in coffee,
The ending of a good book,
The last note of my favourite song,

I see you in the last colours of the evening sky,
The calm before the storm.

You are every hour I'm spending watching the sun's final rays.

When will I see you again?

"We are nothing but bones, ****** souls with broken hearts wishing on dead stars for our loved ones to love us back.

There's no use in the remains of what once used to contain light, but is now a mess of stardust. Wishing on it will not make him love you, it will not sew you back together, it will only make you feel emptier inside.

Why confess to the sky that every night you wake up in tears because even in your dreams you miss him? The moon already knows and weeps for you my dear, but you must know that the stars can't heal you; only time can.

Missing him won't break you,
But waiting for him to love you might."

My days with you are numbered.
I do not sleep with slumber,
I still manage to fumble,
The world around me starts to crumble,
As I begin to mumble;
"My days with you are numbered".

The tears in my eyes start to form,
Every day with you feels like a thunderstorm;
Lightning flashing,
Thunder clapping.

My love,
No number of words can express,
The love I have for you at best,
I try hard not to fret,
But my darling,
My days with you are numbered.

I'm drowning in the memories of you,
Memories that I will forever keep.

I'm drowning in the memories of you,
Oh, how they're making me weep.

I look at the days I have left with you,
There isn't much to go by,

I'm watching the hands of the clock in my living room,
I'm watching them go by.

Does it hurt to know,
That you'll never get to hold him close?
Does it hurt to wonder,
If he ever loved you like a lover?
Does it hurt to realise,
That you've been feeding yourself with lies?
Does it hurt to understand,
Why he never really cared?

You are there,
Never here,
Never near.

I am here,
Never there,
Never aware.

The both of us,
We're moving dots;
Always crossing paths,
But never actually meeting in the middle.

Isn't it strange,
How the people who keep you alive;
The people who make life worth living,
Are the very same people who will drive you to the edge?

//I used to think loving you was a distraction from the anxiety and the sadness,
But I guess loving you was the very source from where that sadness and anxiety came from.//

She is fragile,
Dont let her hold on too tight,
For she will cling onto you with all her might,
She'll care for you and love you until she breaks,
She is fragile;
Don't let her break.

The clock is ticking,
Bon Iver playing in the background,
Every note dragging her in deeper.

She's sitting on the sofa;
Shoulders hunched,
Tugging at the sleeves of her jumper,
Wine glass in one hand,
The other wiping away her tears as they fall.  

She wonders if she'll ever get over this;
This feeling of hopelessness ripping her to shreds,
She wonders if she'll ever make it out alive,
Without you by her side.

Let's just say,
After I met you,
I like green eyes better than brown and blue ones.

I thought I was over you,
Then I looked into your eyes,
And wasn't so sure anymore.

Just a cut,
Just a scratch.
It wouldn't hurt,
It wouldn't last;

It would fade,
Fade into blue;
The colour of sadness,
The colour of you.

There are many reasons why I love you;
The way you slouch your back when you walk,
The way your dimple shows when you smile,
The way your nose crinckles when you laugh really hard,
The way your eyes shine whenever she's around.
These are the reasons why I love you,
The very reasons that are keeping me sane.
But I am holding onto you,
While you pull away.

"Love is in the air"

That's probably why I'm suffocating.

Sometimes,
Its okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.

You fool,
How dare you trust Fate,
She's not that kind.

Wouldn't it be neat,
If i died in my sleep.
//thoughts//

I wish you were,
Still just a human to me.

I don't want to look at you,
And see poetry.

"My heart still looks for you even though my eyes have given up."

"I think I'm falling in love with him,and I'm so afraid that it's going to destroy me."
"It wouldn't be love if it didn't."

We had our first conversation after 2 years today,
It wasn't anything special.
I don't remember what we were saying and how we ended up talking about The Breakfast Club,
But in those 10 minutes we shared,
I remembered exactly why I fell hopelessly in love with you;
I remembered what it felt like to get lost in your green eyes.
I remembered what it felt like to have my cheeks warm up at the sound of your laugh,
I remembered what it felt like to feel light-headed when you laughed at one of my jokes.
Even though tomorrow we'll go back to being complete strangers,
I'll know that choosing to wake up today was worth it.
So thank you,
Thank you for making today worth living.

Oh how fragile we are,
Between the few good moments.

I can turn you into poetry,
But I cannot make you love me.

I am yours.
You aren't mine.
At times,
Being away from you,
Is how I keep you
By my side.

No steps forward,
Ten steps back.
//my one-sided relationship with you has taken its toll on me//

I avoided you all week long.
All week.
It was hard,but I did it.
I avoided you because I had to face the fact that in 9 months I had to live life without you in it.
Then today came.
I heard you laugh for the first time in a week.
And I just lost my ****.
I cried.
I cried because the days were going by so fast.
I cried because you make me so happy and unhappy at the same time.
I cried because I love you so much and you don't even give two *****.
I cried because I love you more than I love myself.
I cried for my love that is unable to scream out loud.
I cried because I knew that we were never meant to be and that was that.

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone.
But what about the people that do know?
The people that just have to sit there waiting and watching helplessly as the only thing that's keeping them from going insane is walking away from them.
Isn't it much worse for them?

It's been a week since I've seen you and it's making me want to strangle myself not knowing how you're doing.

What made me fall for you?
Was it your eyes?
Your incredible sense of humor?
Your freckles?
Your dimples?
Your **** eyebrows?
The way your hair falls into your face when you shake your head?
The way your nose crinkles when you laugh?
The way you make me unknowingly blush without even doing anything?
Tell me.
Because I'd really like to know.

Most of the time I'm not usually bothered by the fact that my love for you will forever be unrequited. But on some nights,the thought of not being able to know what it feels like to hold your hand,to not know what your lips taste of,to never know how fast your heart beats when our eyes meet,to never know what it feels like to have my hand on your chest as we watch some corny movie, these thoughts keep me up at night. And it breaks my heart to bits.

It's been a month.
I step outside where the breeze hits my face like a splash of cold water.
I look to the ground,the soil still a little damp from the rainfall the night before.
I start to walk around.
Nearby I see a lake.
I ignore the feeling of my heart pounding and walk closer to it.  
The water looks inviting.
I stare at my reflection in the water;my eyes look tired.
I tear my gaze away and stare at the sky.
I close my eyes,breathing in the air and living in the moment.
I step into the lake,the water getting soaked into the shoes that mom got me last week for my birthday.
I keep walking further into the lake and stop at a halt,the water already up to my chest.
I turn around and watch as my mom gives my dad a kiss on the cheek upon his arrival from work.
A little smile finds its way onto my face as I let myself fall into the lake,erasing my existence from the world,hoping to find myself in the darkness.

People ask me,
"Why do you write?" or
"What inspires you to write?"
My answer is fairly simple.
I say, "Myself".
I don't mean it in a bragging way,but in more of a selfless way.
I write about what I am not,what I wish to be,
I write about what I wish to say to the world,andwhat I wish to scream out loud.
My words paint a pretty picture.
Where I can play a part I've created,a perfect soul.

I hate being judged.
Just the feeling of it makes me anxious.
I can't stand in big crowds without feeling suffocated,
I constantly have to lie whenever I'm asked to go out because I don't like the feeling of people staring at me when im walking down the streets,
I hate talking to strangers.
Its not that I don't like people,I just constantly have this small voice in my head saying that people will judge me.
It burns me.
It burns and it hurts.
It hurts that I'm unable to do things that I love.
It hurts that I get to see people enjoying their life while I'm sitting at home trying to deal with yet another panic attack,
It hurts that I can't turn to anybody who will understand what I'm feeling.
I want it to go away.
I don't want to deal with anxiety anymore.
I just want to love myself.
I want to look at myself in the mirror and be able to reassure myself,
To tell myself,
That everything is going to be okay.

Saying goodbye kills the hope of meeting again.
And who knows?
We might meet again.

Hey there.
That's right,
I'm talking to you.
The one's that's staring into this screen.
I just wanted to say something to you.
Let's call its a little note of encouragement.
Okay,I'm just gonna go right into it.

Dear Reader,
If you managed to read up to this point,
I'm proud of you :)
And you should be so proud of yourself.
Because of who you are.
There's only one version of you out of the 7 billion people in this planet we call Earth.
You should be proud of who you are,
Because I am.

I now understand why people find it so hard,
To witness death.
It could be the death of your favorite celebrity,
Your favorite comedian,
Or even the death of a family member.
The aftermath is all the same.
It's as if a part of you is missing,
Gone forever
*Never coming back.