Sorry for not going to see you today
When you're always there for me
And I'm crying, actually crying
with actual tears.
Whilst I get told to make more of an effort
because you won't be here forever
thinking about all the times I walk past your house
and didn't say hello.
I say sorry and usually I make the same mistake over and over and over.
Because it never seems real
it will never seem real
until I walk past your house
and it's empty.
I avoided my family all evening
because I could hear your name and ambulance from upstairs
and I didn't go to see you and make sure you were well.
I didn't go to see you
I didn't go to see you
replays in my head
because I won't see you tomorrow
'cause you'll be in a hospital bed.

I was thinking about my future 
and what I want to do
but I found I have no interests 
strong enough to hold on to.

bad days are bad
good days are good
sad days are sad
and silent days are torture

Always relaxed, barely stressed
but inside your a nervous mess.
no one sees inside you.
no one sees that you are two.
no one sees that you hide,
the just think your open all the time.
everyone thinks you have hope
when inside you cannot cope.
everyone sees that your alive.
when reality is your dead inside.

Write the words
of your heart
of your mind
of your soul
take those words you write
and tell them to all

Full of people who tear us down.
Leave us broken on the ground.
Leave us alone to feel the pound.
Our Heads submerged as we drown.

This place allowed us to make a sound!
But this sound is silent when no one's around.

you had to leave
no emotion shown
I begged you please
but you had to go

In my reflection
late last night
I had a vision
you and I
we walked at a slow pace
I never caught your name
I never saw your face
so as a vision you remain

Let people believe
And let people not.
If they don't believe the same,
Don't let them be shot.

Be proud to believe,
Believe in Gods name.
Don't **** though
It's not a game.

Or is it a game?
God said 'do not ****'
So when that person you shot, drops
You went against Gods will!

Defying the Lord (Under what name you want)
Give them a gun
But they take the shot.
Gods game they will not have won.

Savage teachers
education preachers
their "funny" jokes
and words that provoke
a reaction from the class
won't make us fail or pass
but they keep us entertained
they should have been comically trained

Limitations  hinder our chances of doing what we really want so why do we keep setting boundaries?

I thought I believed in a God,
a superior being who decides when we drop.
Then I read His book, His word
and thought it was inconsistent
because how can something so 'perfect' have mistakes.

So I stopped believing
kept my negative outlook because why be positive in the end we're not receiving
I didn't have a goal to reach
and my old views were no longer mine
I wasn't into the'one life' thing and wanted more takes.

Then I was confused
because again I changed my views.
I unsure what to believe anymore.
I wanted an afterlife and I believe in it too
but wouldn't an omnibenevolent God let me choose.

And can't decide whether He's real or made up
because I like to think there's truth in every holy book.
And I'd like to think I get a choice
but I'm mortal and unsure if it's true.
So I'll continue believe either way I win and loose.

I'm alone but not alone.
There are so many people to talk to
But I'm sat here on my own
In the dark with no where to go.
In my home
But no one will know.
Or no one will care
it's not like I'm doing anything
It's not like I can share
it with anyone, no one is listening.
The loneliness I have to bare
but talking doesn't take away the fact I'm just existing.

So my life's a mess
I guess
I don't even know
who are friends
Or who are foe
I'll have to make mends
so I can carry on
or soon I will be gone
I don't know what I'm doing
in this race of life, I'm loosing
slowly sinking a ship
with my name on it
loosing this battle to my mind
I just wish my mind could be kind
and I could control how I feel
and my life will no longer be a blur
but be real

I'm insecure
just like you
I try not to show it
but you do

I feel the pressure
if not more than you
you're innocent minded
and mine is like a zoo

I have too much control
you speak your mind
you're confident
something I'm trying to find

I understand
you don't
I have your issues
plus my own

I run and run but
you can't catchup to me so
you fall on your knees

Camera man
not a fan
rode with them in their van
living life without a plan
he started his journey back in jan
he didn't know how long it would span
he wasn't a fan
he was just the camera man

I couldn't be bothered to do it
So left it until I was
Then I was busy with ****
And it started to build up

Then I started drowning
Until my head was covered
And alarm bells started sounding
As everything collapsed around

And I have to start now
Before more damage is done
But I don't know how

When you begin to understand that life is more than a boat that sails on the calmest seas.

When you begin to understand it's not a perfect world and change won't happen even if you say please.

When you realise the government only want to be wealthy and don't want to support you.

When you realise the prime minister doesn't believe you should have the right you do.

Ignorance is great
knowledge makes you hate
but I'd rather know the truth
than not know what to do
than to trust the companies
and political parties
that don't support me or my rights
who support war and choose to fight.
And if you know and think it's great
then I don't hate you cause to hate would be to join the state.

I remembered the words
but forgot the verbs.
Overall it went well.
Voy a baloncesto
was where I fell.
I can't go basketball, I know
but the rest was fine.
6 minutes of Spanish; I did my time.

I need to stop being so abstract
No one understands what I am trying to say
I need to stop camouflaging my words
because the message is interpreted in a different way
I need to stop disguising my thoughts with a mask
and say what I ment to say
I need to stop shielding myself
from people who I know will hate
I need to be free
but every time I try my words get caught up and the message starts to hide
and the only thing that gets lost is another part of me
but no one sees that because it's hidden on the inside

You pick and choose your way through life
until the day you met your wife
your eyes fell in love
and that was enough
for a while
whilst you still had a smile
but you were waiting for the day
when you could finally say
you were only trying to cause a stir
and you didn't really love her
she was your wife
she was your darling
in love all your life
but when you turned your back you were snarling

My thoughts twist
When I'm about to speak
And my head changes what I want to say
It's like I'm scared
Of my thoughts
But I'm not
I want to say something
But I'm hiding in a shell
A shell of fear
A barrier
Between my head and heart
That with 3 words could be gone
I want to speak
But I can't
And it's killing me

Everywhere I've been
everywhere I go
everything I've seen
everything I know
is written on the walls
and burried in my soul

You don't understand
I guess you never will
all alone I stand
but in the presence of you

you don't know the thoughts
that are running through my head
you don't know the thoughts
of when my mind is red

You don't understand
I guess you don't need too
where you stand
you're not alone
so these thoughts do not affect you

Everything seems so shallow,
like my masculinity is my purpose,
like a shield to protect everyone around me,
but I'm only protecting myself.
when no one needs protecting.
I don't know who I am anymore

There is comfort in being alone
your thoughts surround you
they become your home
you can remember those you lost
and those you want to meet
those you haven't seen in a while
those who make you want to smile
you can reflect on life
and whether a decision you made was wise
or you could think of the things you want to do
because you're the only one there to stop you

People are beautiful once you look past their skin
Because outward apperance means nothing
You never know how much hope they could bring
If you separate yourself before you begin

Ghosts and demons
Haunt both kinds of dreams
For no reason
Other than to hear your screams