I've always been scared to lose the things I love
Everything I've lost
I loved
Or losing them would have been no loss
I ask myself stupid questions
As if they have a right answer
Is it lost if it can be found?
With loss comes sadness
But the sad find things
We avert our eyes from what's ahead
Look down in self pity
With that contemplating look
Sometimes finding the strangest of things
Unwanted, forgotten and withering things

As if this poem was a sick joke
Not to be taken seriously
Like an obvious hoax
I have made it rhyme here
So I can cope

I'm painting a sad picture today
I found myself then lost my way
When two roads lead to the same destination
Do we take the shorter route
Or take a journey through the grounds of recreation?
The longer it is the more to see
The more we find
The more we will be
Forget the things things that can't be found
Resist depression
Don't look at the ground

I was once told by a work colleague
I am living proof that romance is dead
Ha.
Well look at me now
A poet.
Not a fleshy headstone

I like the dark, I like the cold,
Away from life that makes me old,
To stop and ponder what should be,
And escape the life that's crippling me.

I like to sit out in the rain,
The splosh of droplets, relieve the strain,
This crash of water, the growing puddles,
Oft clear my mind, and all it's muddles.

To sit and feel the pelt of hail,
That crisp, sharp sting and blast of gale,
The swirling wind, no sounds of man,
Here I can work out who I am.

I want some time from behind the mask,
I do not think that's much to ask?
I like to get away from it all,
For chance to be the real Paul.

Working out which path to follow,
To stop me feeling empty, hollow,
Where to go, to do what next?
This age old problem leaves me vexed!

From within my soul I feel its growl,
It's evil, demented, cavernous howl,
It's mere presence chills to the bone,
This demon follows, wherever I roam.

Controlling thoughts, fuelling fears,
Crippling ambition, driving tears,
My plans to go forward, it brings to a halt,
As everything in life, is always my fault.

My future remains lost in the haze,
Living with this darkness for all my days,
All that remains, is my epilogue,
I'm living with the big black dog!*

© Cinco Espiritus Creation
2016