God, are you listening? Because lately, I've been feeling distant from You. I feel like Peter when You called him to walk out on the water, yet he sank. But I feel like I'm drowning in this sea of doubt. A knotted ball of string I cannot seem to unravel. Slowly creeping deeper and deeper into this battlefield of questions in my mind. When You said "O you of little faith, why do you doubt?" I could not give You an answer. I do not know if I am turning into a skeptic or a cynic. Faith has doubts, but I feel as though I am longing for epiphanies to spark in response to my questions. Lord, are you there? Because I can't seem to listen to my own voice. Wanting to be heard, but feeling ignored. Waiting for answers, but left in silence. But I hear You even in the silence. Soft whispers echoing symphonies of love songs and truths. Thank You for loving me even when I have doubts. When I feel like I no longer have the strength to carry on, You are there. Always. Lord, take my hand, and don't leave me. Don't let go, for these hands are too weak to hold my own heart. Hold me, when I am falling. Despite my doubt, remind me of Your love for me that surpasses beyond all else. When I say amen, help me to believe it. Let my faith be louder than my questions.

why i do give pieces of myself
expecting in return to receive fullness from others
yet it always ends up in disappointment

why do i give fractions of myself to others
yet they don't even give a fraction of themselves to me
am i sounding selfish
i don't know anymore

i am tired of empty promises, fake smiles, half-hearted laughs and sleepless nights
i do not wish any longer to give pieces of myself
i will either give all of me or not at all
and this sounds harsh i know
but i have always been an all-or-nothing type of person
i can't seem to help it
maybe it is selfish of me
perhaps i will get hurt for caring too much
but i'd rather care too much than regret not having cared at all
despite everything

crying is not a sign of weakness
it is a sign that you are alive
pain demands to be felt
and suppressing it too much makes it worse
so let it out
those tears you've kept inside for so long
let it out
let it out
let it out

I don't want to take for granted the people God has placed in my life. I don't want to regret not having said how much I appreciate the people I care about. Because we'll never know when we'll run out of time. I want to cry incantations of love notes and happy tears because of how much I loved and have been loved. Without love in this world, there would be no joy. And I want to love until my heart explodes, and although there will be aches and pains, it is better to have loved than not loved at all.

darling,
why do you look so much
to your imperfections

when those imperfections
make up who you are

you do not need to be perfect
to feel loved
to feel whole
to feel worthy

you are already worthy
just as you are
so embrace your flaws

because behind that crinkled nose and those crooked teeth
is a heart that sees beauty when no one else can
a smile that can brighten someone else's day

don't sell yourself short
because you can't see beauty in yourself

beauty is what's on the inside
not what's on the outside

winter passed and spring came.
she felt the warm rays of the sun,
awakening the strength within her
to  blossom.