Why do I see love everywhere I go?
Why do I seek love everywhere I go?

It’s plain and chaotic
And unique and divine
The beam of her caring
In every tender glance

There is another timeline
Where we are home,
—after a lovely Sunday birthday dinner
of friends

We are thinking of hosting one next.
We agree everyone will love the dessert.
We complain about tomorrow
Usual Monday’s sorrow
We do our nightly routine
I ask you if you want some water
For your bedside

—Not in this cruel one, no.
Yet in some other, —kinder— it is.

Can you imagine all the conversations we could’ve had?
All the songs we could’ve sung?

You  added colour to my mess
and me like a painting
you weren’t quite happy with
The egotistical artist in you
thought could paint over

I was ruined forever

I am aware
Ignorance is bliss.

Yet,

I am aware.

I am too awake.

I am fully conscious!

This shall be the death
Of all my progress

I am aware!
Can you numb me again?

My mind is poisonous

I am aware

I am my own

                    worst enemy.

It’s a lovely day. Another lovely birthday. Sadness keeps expanding.. by the 29th, it has rooted in my heart

Evening air and dry text replies
It is a cold winter day
in the midst of July.

Clear and loud silence
surrounding her steps.
The sudden reflex to deflect.

A random call. A sudden ‘yes’.
Opening door, a familiar face.
Same old, same old.. exhausting exchange.

Dancing hands, usual soulless gaze.
Curious hands, hypnotising embrace.
Rushing hands, the usual regret.

Lust overdoses, her soul feels sore
Another heart rash. Regret. Repeat. Regret.
emotional hangover,   unread morning-after text.

You thought  I was playing victim, but for me, it was never a game

I made a nest in my wounds
Please don’t cure me,
I don’t want to be cured.

After you used my body
My soul was tired
After you put a light in my eye
There was a fire

La galaxia de la que fue parte, colapsó
Con fuerza de mil soles,
cual supernova
Resurgió
Donde el viento sople, ella ira
Creando micro universos,
Al saludar

They keep on taking,

I am already empty.

What else can you strip me of?

My soul is already naked,

My flesh exposed

My heart vulnerable and lost

I saw strength—
Arms that once held me,
Protected me
Turned into fragility:

The weakened shadow
Of the bravest man.—

I saw and I stood
Powerless,
Tears holding,
fears hounding.

I stood powerless,
wanting to give
some of my years
To the one heart
that gave me
Everything.

The scenario in my mind is set,
I’m just too afraid
To say
“action”

I wonder
Was it a spell I was under?
I am awake,
And the world seems duller

The symptoms included:
Chest tightness, nauseas
Laboured breathing, heavy heart.
They say it’s a natural reaction
—I must be allergic—

To

     Bitter memories and regrets.

You are like a song
              forever
                        Stuck in my head

You were never that good,

I put some filter for your soul,

I made you up inside my mind.

Well, she had given her soul away before,
Of course she was soulless.

I’m selfish, I know
I’m stubborn, which, may be worse
I overshare… just not enough
I tend to ignore the facts that may be relevant
I’m amusing, yet I can make you sad
You’ll always want to know more,
you’ll never can
Poetry writes itself, doesn’t it?
Now I’m here, stuck,
with the image you want for me
no makeup will cover the fact that
I am still sad about it
No poem will soothe me enough
To ever forget about it

I wanted to love you so bad
I was so inspired!
It was better in my mind, I guess
I messed up.

Your name on my screen.
I forgot how it feels,
I lost my voice
I almost couldn’t breathe
But It wasn’t the same pain
It was some sort of relief
As I open up your message
and press the word “delete”

You are a ghost
But, oh, how I fancy you to scare me
Trapped in the past,
No other words casts.
If I have to be haunted,
Let it be you,
Let it be now.

And I still remember every Christmas.
how I was hopeful, longing,
For what life had to offer.
I dreamed of love—
And how I would flourish in it.