Mid-youth crisis,
   Lovely pictures of your exes

.. getting married.

You are wrecked,
Aren’t you?

25’s birthday eve
I thought back then
You’d be here

You found your way into my mind
Now I randomly text you
at 2 am
and you are okay with that,
slowly melting my stance.
You’re dangerously getting closer
To my heart.

Such a selfish thought
Being attached to the past
when it is understood
moments are not meant to last.
Change is braided with time,
Are we supposed to ignore that?

All that love flowing through my veins
got me sick to my stomach
I’m disgusted by how much
I loved you.

Sometimes I eat alone
seated across my thoughts
and I wish
you were here
to hear them

my mind just was
submerged in that daydream
Romance is
An illusion of a team
Reality would eventually hit
no scenario less fancied than this
Not thought of as devotee,
but as a rival I was seen.

He was just a draft,
Yes, a really good one,
But still, a draft.
What can I say?
I want the real thing,
I wasn’t settling for that.

Like knocking on a door
Of a house in ruins
You can come,
But not a soul will let you in
There’s nothing here for you
There hasn’t, a long time since.

I remember
every one of your lovely whispers
when you thought I was dreaming
My mind, my hair, my nose
I was perfect, every bit. To you.

You, protecting me at all costs
I couldn’t bare such tender
I radiated all the love you gave me
Sad it was never permanent

I took care of it,
I wore it, - but just -on special occasions
No matter how little,
I cleaned every stain of it
I packed it so carefully
That I forgot I even had it.
Then the flood came,
And the mould grew,
I found it in my suitcase
Completely ruined.
And then I remembered
Why it was so special
I wore it the first night
I ever met you

All the poison micro-dosed
In the form of your affection,
Thoughts of your laughter
Circulating in my veins
Relieved now I can gladly state
All of it, has finally left
My spirit and flesh

I’m trying so hard to keep it inside
It’s in the surface of my heart
I can’t scratch it
It’s spreading
And then it overflows
It’s overwhelming
It slides down my face
Salty watery trace
I’ll be okay
Just not today

Am I a soul or a set of skills?
Am I a woman or just your desire?
When will I be free from everyone’s perspectives?
And when will It burnt,
My fire

Have my words annoyed you?
Then they have succeeded
Things took a wrong turn
But you were the one manoeuvring
Sorry I called you out
Guess love is not that blind

This numbness of the heart
Has been here for a long time
Couldn’t realise that ignoring it
would contribute to made it last.

Why would I care for your situation?
My oppressor, my tormentor
Make no mistake,
If I’m ever curious about your sake,
I’ll be at the verge of losing all
My so-called “common sense”

You were lucky enough
To be in my sight
When the stars alligned
When my heart was warm

It’s the same floor
It’s the same bed
It’s the same line of the song I forget
Each year it’s the usual process
Remembering stuff that used to bother
All the lessons, unlearned
Regret flowing as tears down my face

It was real, at least a while
I wish it was a dream,
But past shouldn’t last all night.

I was so profoundly moved by the words
you managed to produce
In that beautifully-crafted mind of yours
They may as well been scripted
To just my personal delight

If I were to follow the plot line
Will the ending be happy ? Will it be sad?
The only thing I can predict by now:
My heart at your reach,
My soul in your hands

Every now and then I remember
My willingness in the floor
The coldest shoulder,
The cruelest heartache.
A bittersweet reminder
That eventually,
life becomes way kinder

To reminisce of the past—
what a luxury,
Of  those
In the future

I guess it was, sort of — dramatic
Now, thinking about it
It just resembles the beginning—
Let me put it this way:
If we hadn’t collide,
—you and I—
Our universes
wouldn’t be complete.