22 years ago you filled the heart of a woman with joy, as she held you in her arms.
Having given birth after holding you for 9 months,
You were her light.

21 years later you filled the heart of another woman with joy.
As you promised to be hers and she yours. The woman of your dreams and you, the man of hers.

Yet by 22, both your two beating hearts were broken.
Still fully intact in its living state,
Yet broken beyond comprehension in love.

Your hearts still beat as one,
Despite the hundreds of miles in between you.

Despite the darkness that now envelopes your night, and the fear that perpetuates her day.

Despite the promises, the memories, the excitement, the love lies still bleeding.

Forgive me, for every word I could not make real. For every promise I could not keep. For every moment that still pains your beautiful soul.

Had I another to give to you, I would. Had I not lost every ounce of me in my fight to reach you, I’d have given you all that was left of me.

But now I am just words. Words, most probably never read by, for the true intended. Just words scrawled from emotions that no longer know how to formulate. Words that speak volumes and silence at the same time.

Happy Birthday, my birthday boy.
May every ounce of happiness this world possesses be granted to you, in the long and blissful life that you have ahead of yourself. Happy birthday x

When my heart was yours,
And I was everything for you...

Then in your absence,
Who am I now?

And I love and love again,
Telling myself each time will be better.

The truth being,
I'm only scared,that I'll lose the ability
To love altogether.

You said face your fears,
So I watched as you posted pictures of you and her, day in day out

You said face your fears,
So I watched as you commented hearts next to each other's names

You said face your fears,
So I watched as you called her the nicknames you once called me

You said face your fears,
So I watched as the memory of me began to fade from your eyes

You said face your fears,
And now there is nothing left of me,
*But It.

I scribbled some words on the back of my hand,
Reminders to smile for today.
Even if the world chose to engulf my happiness
The ink of my blood it could not erase.

So bent on trying to sort out my life,
Calm the tide of emotions within.
Leaving the small flame that was burning still,
Not knowing it was fading.

Too often I've slipped,
And grazed my heart.
Too often I've exposed my myself,
Now it's time to reclaim my soul...
It's time I played my part.

You changed. Slowly.
So slowly maybe, I'm not sure you even saw the difference.
But I did.
And I couldn't speak to hurt you- but I couldn't keep it in.
My soul battled itself.
And there is no victory for one who fights themselves,
*For when one part dies, so does the other.

And as I mixed the colours,
Blending each of their hues,
I realised that not a single shade,
Could paint the mind belonging to you.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"
Or so they seem to say.
I'm not sure I trust that judgement,
As its pain that grows each day.

Your presence is enough to heal,
To calm and to subdue,
And while we never realised,
We owed this peace to you.

And now your gone for just a few days,
It's all too much to think,
That this is what you've been doing each day,
Without a single blink.

For us to think of you in pain,
We'd wish to take away.
Thinking of your labour pains,
Taking this would never repay.

And all this stress, and all this worry
All of it combined,
Would be nothing compared to your sacrifice,
Because even taking your pain on ourselves now,
Would not come close to the way you gave us life.

*Mum.

She looked at me and laughed,
"It's not real dear, you can't have a broken heart."
Her smile I did return,
"I can prove to you, it can"

Tell me if you've ever felt something
That goes beyond this world,
A companionship so intense,
That makes your insides whirl?

I can't expect you to understand,
If you've never felt it so.
Can't explain a broken heart
To the one who still owns his own.

How could I ever explain,
The way that we convey ourselves,
When through poetry we display
The dustiest parts of our souls?

How could you comprehend,
When you've never felt the way
That if feels to have her eyelashes
Brush like butterflies, caught like prey?

How can you understand,
The deepest feeling you could face
When you've never placed your hand
And felt a heartbeat quickening it's pace?

You see, I said,
It may only ever be
An *****, biologically.
But there is something which makes us human,
And that is your heart, and that can be broken.

It's that vast land that I want,
          That open plain of sea
The step into the wilderness,
          Where it's just you and me

I wished it long ago
           Like a child in a dream,
I'd be lying if I pretended
           I still don't see it in my sleep.

I can't understand sometimes,
           like I'm blindfolded in the dark
and even though you're stood there
           we're almost miles apart.

I never lied when I said my heart was open
           exposed only for you,
it might be easier to forget and leave
           but I'd choose to hurt for eternity,
           because it's always you I'd choose.

It's like I said up there,
There's no need for Valentines.

Your *love, a robe, encrusted in jewels and diamonds,
That I wear with pride.
Your heart, that single rose, so crimson like my love,
I've kept inside.
Your mind, my companion, as travellers across this road of life,
Together.
And my thoughts only for you.

*It's like I said up there,
There's no need for Valentines.

I love it when we sit hours on end
In silence, as though our presence is enough
To satiate our hunger for each other's company.

I love it when we can't call one song, 'our song'
Because we find albums together
Until we get bored and look for another.

I love it when we both come online,
Doing our work, but checking we're both there every now and then
Before saying goodnight.

I love how we finish each other's sentences,
Before we've even thought it,
Like our minds, our souls and our bodies are all one.

I love it how you're the inspiration for my writing,
For my dreams and my future,
How my poetry follows yours and vice versa.

I love it when you call me your distraction,
Because there's nothing more special than knowing,
That someone can't focus on something, because
They're too focused on you. ❤️

My heart,
My biggest vulnerability.
But for you,
I’m exposed.

Set fire to my heart,
So my mind can see clearly.

Its ashes be so sparse,
That my judgement isn't cloudy.

Don't let embers fly off like fireflies,
Lest they spark my mind wrongly.

And lastly, please bury its ashes far away,
As its loss, too painful a memory.

How very rare is it, that one should find friendship,
And together they find poetry-
Rather than merely finding poetry,
And as such finding friendship?

You've made a mockery of our beliefs,
And our prophet you defame.
I think and think and think,
From this, what is your gain?

We stand for peace and mercy,
We always have and will.
The actions of some may scar us,
While they remain sinful.

I will condemn their actions,
As every human should.
But apologies I will not,
For its not under Islam's hood.

I can't claim responsibility,
For something I've not done.
Neither can I say sorry,
For its not part of my religion.

Anyone can say 'Allah',
And do atrocities in His name.
But what of those 1.6 billion Muslims,
Who His name they rightly claim?

I have only one request,
That I'd kindly wish you do,
Look beyond the hate and hurt,
And see Muslims are just like you.
Peaceful. Loving. Caring.
We have families too.
Islam is a religion of peace,
Peace be on to you.

The way you rapped me around your little finger
Twisted and twisted till I could untie myself no more.
Rocking and rolling my poor heart, letting it linger
Leaving it left so sore.
Yet this passion clutched me, hung from my every limb.
I would not leave you. As I knew you would not me.
The country moves of yours swaying, humming hymns
Every move so elegant, so classical, so free.
I could not grasp the way you did it,
Moved me from my deep burrowed Blues.
My hero in every form, like a candle lit
In a darkened, dusky room.
You will be my song, my tune, my being.
For you and I will breathe as one breathing.

Bound by society,
Trying to free her wings
Balancing truth with conformities
Leaving her hung like a child on a swing.

Torn by expectations,
Each piece a clue to her mind
Ragged in clothes not hers, but theirs
Bearing with them, of her, no sign.

Leaving it, she'd attempted,
'Integrate', they said
'Lose yourself, to join us'
They could've said instead.