There's a few days
When
I don't think
About you

Those amount to
A total of two
And one of
Those days
I slept
Through

The other
I was too
High to see
And

Too concentrated
On breathing
To feel
The expanse
Of my heart
Breaking


What does this mean to you?

More than something

But not enough to make it all go away...

Once we spoke of a room,
A fairly small room,
We could both run to.

I don't quite know what
You sought out of me,
All I wanted was to call
Your arms my home.

But it's quarter past midnight,
And I'm in our room alone, again.

I'm betting that, out of me,
You never wanted more
Than pictures and some words.

You don't need me like I need you --
You never did.

Maybe it's time
I finally stop needing you too.

I feel so inexplicably vulnerable
I'm naked behind the fogged glass
The water running off my skin
Off in drips, in streams
I can see his silhouette on the other side
But can only imagine what he sees
I am so much more than naked, bare

He mutters shush, hissing like the snake he is
Through the water, steam, and fogged glass
I swear I see his lips curve into a distorted, manic grin
On the other side of the breakable barrier
I am just as equally breakable
I'm too afraid to move
Why are locked doors forbidden in this house
His hands lift and his fingers graze the glass
On the barrier he traces crooked lines
That bend and curve like I do
I can feel myself shaking
As lines create clear windows between us

And he stops
I feel faint, nauseous
His eyes are staring
And mine are tearing

When he leaves
I sink to the floor
The water running off my skin
Off in drips, in streams

i could feel your eyes on me as i laughed
i looked up across the room and there you were
looking straight back
you weren't wearing your glasses
and i don't know about your contacts
so i don't know how much of me you could see
even though i've shown you more than most will ever
i'm sorry for that burden
that painful privilege
i hope you could see me today
well enough to notice my hesitation before i looked back
to the source of my cheer
you are the source of confusion
my desire has been untangling itself but i fear i'll never be free
and i'll be stuck under your gaze
while you continue to not love me

I'm a desperate teen but not Faking It
I'm ugly and awkward but not Miranda
Talentless and scared but not Girls
Food rules my life but this isn't Skins
My family is big but repulsively unlike Modern Family
I'm quirky and alone, but cruelly never Amelie
I'm a misfit uncared for so why isn't this Glee?
I'm poor and kind but there will never be Boys Before Flowers
I have deep dark secrets but not like Degrassi
I live a life like many others
but with one difference
it's not a sitcom
it's not a show
there aren't perks to being a wallflower
and it all doesn't turn out okay,
which makes everything a lot less okay.

I'm tired of this game,
This late night game,
I don't want to play --
I know I shouldn't play.
But you make me feel
Like I'm being looked at,
Not laughed at, like I'm
Beautiful, **** for the
First time in forever.
I don't want to play,
Yet I keep initiating it.
I want to be the one you
Hold in your heart, but
I'm the pictures on your
Phone, and it sure as hell
Isn't me you're holding.