my mother tells me i’m lucky,
father says i’m blessed.
but it’s hard to count any blessings
when i’m always out of breath.
grandma says i look pale,
it’s because i’m not getting enough sleep.
when the farm becomes abandoned
it’s hard to count any sheep.
i’m a mess who makes more messes,
sister tells me it’ll be alright-
that even in my darkest moments
i must remember to turn on the light.
but i think the lightbulb’s broken
or maybe much too dim,
because the only joy i feel
is when i’m looking up at him.
i’m tired of being sorry,
i’m sorry for being tired.
in life these days my
happiness and satisfaction isn’t required.
so it ***** if i’m a disappointment
but it’s hard to focus on grades
when instead my mind likes to relive
every mistake i’ve ever made.
i really didn’t mean to hurt you
i hope you can learn not to be mad.
i just wish i didn’t always go through the day
feeling so ******* sad.

You know I've found that mirrors lie
when they tell you bad things
Mine tells me every day
that I'll never amount to anything.
It tells me my nose is too big
to pull of this piercing that I have
My eyes are too close together
And if you split my face in half
there is no better side
because they're equally ugly and flawed
I can picture my mirror telling me this
and leaning back to guffaw

But he's just a liar
and I've come to realize that now
because it's all the good reasons
my face would stand out in a crowd.

I had to leave,
You were there.
You were with your friends,
You looked so thin and handsome,
Your jaw like a knife.

I know you have a happy life,
Things are good and you have someone.
You look happy.
I’m happy you are happy.

But I had to leave,
Because even if I am happy for you,
Seeing you wets my palette.

And I am dehydrated for you.

kiss me in your backseat
like nothing has ever been like this before
'cause you kiss like a promise
like you have never wanted anything more
than me

and just maybe, i'm crazy about you baby
and i guess it's a mess but i've always loved messy
things

and with your lips on my neck, i feel like the best is yet to come
and with my heart on my sleeve, i hope you can see it beats like a drum

and i'm wrapped around your finger and my gaze might just linger on your face
and i can't help but notice what we've made of this moment in this place

is beautiful
you're beautiful.

in the streetlights, with your brown eyes looking into my heart
hold me tighter, with your bright lights lighting up the dark
you're lighting up

Today I left fear I let control me
And negative decisions I drowned in the dust
Prettier colors will bloom from my drab dirt
Drip from dark walls with each turn and ******

Now I feebly fill my weak body with
Eternal and everlasting love and gratitude
Contain it within the deeply tucked hope
I somehow still have which lifts my sour mood

My diet will no longer consist of
Processed carbs, substances strong
I vow to start treating my body like a pristine temple
Instead of a tomb where the cold corpses belong

I wish I had more than words, I don't
Luckily the page listened through the years
To the bittersweet ending of up-and-down phases
Each of them seeing their fair share of tears

I desire my actions to talk louder
Reflect the honest intentions held in my heart
I am scrambling to keep us together
We are on the verge of falling apart

The moon held me close
And only in her arms could I see what I want
She dipped her limbs into the ocean
I kissed the water
I dove forward into the sea of solitude
Only to find myself in the reflection of her ripples
I reached for her when the street lamps would speak
When their lights would guide the way
I collapsed in her arms
And she would carry me
The stars were my stepping stones
And my heart kept the pace
She took my tears and sent them to the clouds
She walked me through the places that perished
And held me on the other side
When skies grew dark
She would greet me
And it was only in the dark that I could see her staring back at me