Monday
1st April
0845 hours

for a few months
things have been missing
oddly enough when i need them the most

in those finding moments
i can't seem to find them

unless
i oddly standing by
there it is
the missing item
just right under my nose

but sadly enough
you were nowhere to be found near

Death.
For the old,
sick,
and dying.
A token to the end of a life.
Incomprehensible.
It
Is
Reserved.

But Youth,
feeling the overwhelming desire to possess all they see,
grasp at it.
Their hands ageing in a spectacular frenzy.
Youth.
Who understand so little,
sit at the reserved table,
accompanied by frail figures.
And do not need to wait.

I've been blindly in love,
With someone who sees me.
I've been blindly in love...
Like Cupid and Psyche.
I don't have to see,
To imagine and believe...
Cause what's inside truly matters.
What's essential always comes first.
I've been blindly in love,
Yes, I am and I know.
I'll never let you go...
Through the beautiful paradise
And through the darkest roads,
I'll be there walking with you.
I'll always tell you,
"I'm always here to stay."
I'll be giving colour...
To your shades of gray.
To always remind you,
"That's what I'm here for."
I've been blindly in love,
With the way you laugh,
With the way you talk,
With the way you smile...
With your warm embrace,
Reminds me of the place.
I've been blindly in love,
I'm always here to tell you...
That always, I love you so...
Promise me you'll never forget,
That you always know,
I don't have to see to believe...
I've always been yours,
Even if I've been blindly in love.

Come spring, she leaped across the grassy dune,
Beaming with sheer joy as she hummed a halcyon tune.
Her beauteous almond eyes- the biggest, the brightest.
A bonnie spotted doe in her warm, homely forest

Come summer, by her gushing little lake she played.
When upon a solitary, pensive buck her eyes she laid.
Eyes met across the smiling lake; too soon gazes parted.
While his eyes curiously lingered, hers wandered on ahead.

Come monsoon, he adored her eyes, her gilded coat, her bushy tail.
The passionate warmth in her eyes with affection made him frail.
Yet, she went on with her blissful life- devoid of any care.
Oblivious of the buck who always stopped to stare.

Come winter, by his side chattering happily she grazed.
Soon, his feelings faded; by almond eyes no longer crazed.
Like currents in the water, apart they drifted and drifted.
New lake. Nonchalant silence. No words were said.

Come fall, she found that he still leaped through her mind.
The emotion she once scoffed in her heart now enshrined.
Eyes met across the smiling lake; too soon gazes parted.
While her dull eyes wistfully lingered, his wandered on ahead.

We were silently sitting
In such a busy afternoon.
The silence, it was hitting me.
I never knew what would come too soon.
What happened, my only boy best friend?
The knowledge between us,
It will never be the same.
My blind eyes and blind heart,
I just loved only one.
Best friends are who we are.
We cannot take it far.
The difference of his and yours,
I cannot even see. I’m blind.
You were like twins,
But I was the reason why.
Why me? Why me? Why me??
Why, my loving dear friend?
Why me? Why me? Why me?
Nothing could have been happening,
Yet I’ve been worrying.
I’ve hurt you all this time.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I never went deeper and loved.
I loved the knowledge of us…
Being just friends.
Too bad, I loved you too,
I adored you, my friend.
And even wondered if…
You would love me back.
Even wondered if you know.
Even if you wanted to know.
But you don’t.... You don’t.
Cause I loved spending my time…
With you cause you always been there.
But, you don’t know.
If you see this, you might cry.
Please, leave you emotions
Like how your tears will dry.
Hoping you’ll forget me.
I don’t deserve your love.
I left and I left this love untold.
Cause what would you feel?
Cause, I confess that…
I cannot accept this truth. Just can’t.
My words are like knives.
I sharpen them whenever I don’t know.
I threw them blindly to the air...
Not knowing where it would hit.
Until, blood came out of your heart.
This is a game of love
Where only one prince and princess win...
Or nobody gets the crown.
And for you to win,
Just rise and love someone else back.
I’ll be happy even if my heart splits in two.
It all comes back. It really does.
“I loved the knowledge of being just friends...”
Love me but I shouldn’t love you back.
I’m sorry. I love you too,
But, I just can’t.
I’m sorry…

There we sit beneath the cherry blossom tree,
You were there, talking to me.
The silence, hearing the trees whispering.
We were spending all afternoon laughing.
I just wonder and I wanted to ask,
“Would I belong to you soon?”
“Would I ever have you?”
I wanted you to know and hear.
My heart brings off with no fear.
I wanted the way we used to be changed,
Not like how we are right now.
I wanted something  more if you allow.
Talk to my eyes, do you want it too?
The voices, I heard them in my head.
Talking to myself, forgetting the road ahead.
Every way I take, it leads me back to you.
Your smiles and the way you move are my sunshine.
Being with you makes me feel better than fine.
I forgot how the rain used to cover me.
I was never meant to leave you recklessly.
Until one day, I heard through the grapevines.
I was looking and hoping for a sign.
Fright drove my heartbeat swifter than the time I trusted you.
Why was I not given a cue?
Was I asleep when you told me?
Was I wishing you dreamingly?
Was I looking forward to the future
Of you caring and embracing me back?
You loved someone you believed,
You said she is undeniably stunning...
But, you did not have a chance to know her.
I had the time of loving you, it felt great.
I wondered, “Why did you refuse?”
Still, it was just right to forget right away.
Someday, the colours would slowly fade
Into a beautiful shade of gray.
The wretchedness would be an enduring mark...
To rather let the mark be the end of the world...
Or to look up to the shining sun and restart?
Someday, I would learn to love someone better.
Someday, I would be laughing at myself and say,
“What was the real reason why I loved you?”
Cause all I can think of was your foolishness.
I could have been dumb when I had you.
I used to laugh to our one-liners before.
We were just young naive kids.
(Now, I learned.....)
I was better off giggling with myself.
I was better off being with my friends.
I used to remember that tree,
It was where we used to sit.
Do you remember it too?
I know you had forgotten.
If you ever regret, do not return.
‘Cause you might be hanging your head the next time.
But you had been right, always right.
“Let go of the beautiful memory
When we used to sit beneath the cherry blossom tree.”

I would have asked you to stay
But I knew you didn't want to
So I watched you go away.


                                                       ­                    *If you had asked me to stay
                                                          ­               I would have, but you didn't
                                                        ­                                     *So I left, anyway.

Words were like flowers,
In time they shall wither.
Here, I shall speak my soul.
For some of my thoughts are untold.
I am frightened. Shall I lift up my fear?
For my pains and secrets will unfold.
Soon the wounds of our pain will cease,
Not every word that comes forth my mouth would please.
In our broken pieces, we learn.
Lessons of love shall our hearts earn.
But, believe me, nothing lasts forever.
But remember that I would take my time loving you.
Love was like a flower,
Soon will its blossoms wither.

IF I FALL
Will you be there to catch me
Will you lift me up and brush me off
Will you help me see the good in my life
Will you keep me safe from myself

TODAY
Can you be my guide and show me the way
Can you help me find a reason to go on
Can you always be there to be my friend
Can you be the shoulder that I can cry on

CAN I RELY ON YOU
To be strong when I am weak
To listen when I need to vent
To tell me the truths I need to hear
To be the one that I can unmask for

MY FRIEND
I am thankful to have you as my friend
I am hoping that I have been a friend to you
I am grateful that you came into my life
I am sure life wouldn’t be the same without you.

The warmth of summer ended in a second,
School in June had already begun.
I saw a girl sitting shyly at the back row,
Wishing I could say, “hello” with a smile.
Hello was not just the thing in my head,
But, “Hello, can we be best friends?” How dumb.
Knowing I cannot force one to be just mine.
Small conversations started in a blink,
I just have the picture of us being best friends
Without paralyzed and blind, we already are,
On spur of moment, I realized we really are.
Oh, hello, childhood best friend,
Remember back when we were young?

Days were coming by, the closer we get to be,
Glitter was my addiction. Taylor Swift our fave!
Drawing and sketching as hobbies? Really? Same!
Boys, sometimes became our favorite topic.
Disney Princesses, my favorite characters.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I like to be so many things, I can hardly tell.
What is your favorite this and that? This and that!
Our games and dream makeovers matter so much.
Oh, childhood, we are growing too fast.
When will you ever last? There came the time,
Now, you are already fifteen. Accept it or not.
While writing, I was singing this Taylor Swift song.

“Society’s words matter the most,”
that is what we believe in.
There were the groping and loud crowds,
Talking about the complications of human race,
The people seemed to be nobody to me,
They were all chasing fame and popularity,
Look at those girls in powder and gloss,
Were not they the ones we wished to be?
But, things change for good girls too.
There we laugh and talk about them.
I can tell they are sassy and mean…
How funny it was for you to feel the same for me.
It was like you held my heart all the time,
How can you read me like your novels?
You read them because you love how stories go.

I remembered the times when we wrote poetry together,
It was not that hard, it was fun and exciting…
I hope we can make those things again.
Going back to that place, full of dramas.
It was silly, but other things matter from now on.
Boys do, sometimes, but not really.
Friends first, right? Forever and always.

There came the month of silence and war,
The noise I was not hearing with my ears,
Battles were like diamonds against diamonds.
Exists in my head, loud and they made me deaf…
They keep reminding me of what we had before.
I knew I cared less, I was blind, shame on me.
What was I thinking really? How dumb.
Matters changed for the both of us,
We finally cared for who we had become.
Love pulled us back together and sewed our broken hearts
Those letters, sweet and sincere peace offerings…
Sewing back the torn fragile pieces together,
Writing about when we were young.

What are dreams? Who do we want to be?
Here I am right now, writing another poem,
Wondering if they would be the ones you like.
You are this girl, who would draw so much,
Sketch everyone else close to her heart.
Your drawings were you r mind’s imaginations,
There you brought them to life.
The way you see world how they can be.,
How beautiful just the way you are.

I remembered everything back then when we were eight,
You used to shyly sit on your seat and sketch,
Now I hear your voice in my ears,
Your stories changed, not the way they used to be.
Sometimes, even your silence talked to me.
They told me how your day was going on.
My eyes would tell so many things,
I wonder if you saw them talk to you.
“Hey, I am here for you. Do not worry.
I care too, sometimes I do not show much.
But if you would let me, I would,
My whole best.”
You thought of being a little part of this earth,
But you had never seen who you are in my world.
But look deeper and you would remember,
Who we were when we were young.

There I sat alone with my friends.
Sitting quietly and thinking so much things...
That sometimes, I cannot even explain.
It was painful to hear the whispers,
They keep on reminding me your promises.
They keep on reminding me your words...
And they played like a movie before my eyes.
I am this princess that you should be saving.
I cannot even breathe without the air.
My heart only needs your love and care.
Wasn’t it that simple? Wasn’t it?
Why do you always have to lie about yourself?
Telling me how fine you’ve been,
But it was a lie. You were hurting.
The wounds you have always made you silent.
How tired you were made you silent.
Do you still have something left for me?
All I want is your words, they made me better.
But, you always let the chances go.
I lost them too cause we never hold tighter.
Why do you always have to lie about us?
You always tell we're fine.
Would I tell you the same?
Honestly, no. ‘Cause you’ll have to keep worrying.
It kills me all the time when you had to pretend.
Right now, you'll apologize
And keep on repeating your faults.
It all repeats again and again.
Sorry here and sorry there. It’s everywhere.
Faults, that's why we kept on falling apart.
Faults like the weakest lands that grew on change.
Faults, the lines that would break us apart...
Tells me that nothing would ever be the same.
When will you come back?
Because I’ve been dying...
Dying to hear your voice,
Dying to be held,
Dying to be in your arms,
Dying to tell you so much things you never heard.
Dying to hear from you...
Dying to be right beside you,
Dying to give all my time to you...
But you’d never come.
Every second comes to waste.
I wait for you, but when?
You tell me love me,
But you never show.
We were like lands,
The harder I try to love you,
The closer I try to get to you,
The more you live in my head,
We keep on moving apart...
It weakens us every time.
Was it my mistake? I’m sorry.
Maybe it’s the reason why...
The Queen of Hearts was unhappy.
Maybe it’s the reason why...
She hated love because it hurts.

Finally, they looked at me...
Noticing my face that screams
Because of pain,
Yet neither of them heard
Nor you did.
They asked me how I felt,
I smiled and gave my answer,
“I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”