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 Feb 2020
Kenshō
the emerald albatross
totem of time
grows from the ground
it falls from the sky
over our heads it flies
but they're trying -
to keep us down
all now seen as lies
im not a human
im going underground
running to a place
where i know ive found
where i can find my pace
and muffle out the sound
of sirens and cries and tv songs
im not like any of you
ill admit it
ive known this all along
 Jan 2020
Kenshō
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qV-Khs9Rqxs
Listen while reciting - Enjoy!!
-----

Alchemical Butterfly
wing in the sky
eastern diamond bay
we were born this way
everyone will cry

Shhh It's all okay
Garden of God at play
megalithic dao
mirror of now
everyone is gay

I'm tired of the human race
But have love for god
I want to leave this earth
but float among space
And look back, from a pod

Im forgetting all name and form
And feeling as if I were never born
I cannot tell if it is after or before
All is now wet, I smile as it pours
Another barrier between my place and yours

But thats okay I like it inside
Closer to my heart for my soul to untie
Where there are no clocks
because people don't have the time
Life is a lie and the truth is everyone will die

So set me free from here
the land of the sun
where people are blind
the land of the gun
where humans **** their kind

My soul is a boat
Distant from shore
Bending the horizon
onward to nevermore
no body to tote
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qV-Khs9Rqxs

listen while reciting
 Oct 2018
PrttyBrd
I found my grandmother the night she died
The room filled with mourning tears
My mother slapped me
because I hadn't cried in two days
At 18 how do you emotionally process a body that once held a life?

Disconnected from my thoughts
I felt neither pain nor love nor loss
How could I say that, without feeling defective
but I couldn't get past that shell with empty eyes
that stared at me until I noticed they weren't smiling

When the body turned to flesh
she was gone and I was lost
in those empty eyes that seemed to
hold a universe of nothing
and if I stared too long I'd disappear in that void
where her light used to shine

**

Too soon, I held my mother's hand as she passed
and watched the life leech out of her skin
The eyes were the last part of her to fade
I stared at her
Willing with all that I am that they would
spark and reignite the fire of who she was
But her skin ran cold the second the light ceased
So cold, yet so very soft.

Two days, and a blended family to hold up
Even with makeup, dressed to the nines
It didn't feel less... wrong
She was beautiful, but she wasn't my mother

I couldn't escape the knowledge
of invisible sutures
As I held her face and fixed her hair
I cursed those television shows I once watched with her
The ones that taught us how things worked
The ones that burned the knowledge of
the sutures into my memory
a memory I couldn't escape

Four days and two shoulders heavy with tears
Too busy with paperwork and wishes
to bleed tears of my own
Thankful for things to do
So I wouldn't get lost in her empty eyes
that stared at me whenever I closed my own

I sit here, grown, wondering how to
emotionally process a body that once held a life?
Praying that she will slap me for not being able to cry
Just so I could feel her
101118
346w
I miss you Mami
Audio file:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PZOHeLKJCs3Bu5CUYWTQJI6-JOiZp_4c/view?usp=drivesdk
 Sep 2018
PrttyBrd
i.

melted ice cream afternoons
bogged down

rising from asphalt
in magical mist
that transforms
the day into
a test of endurance

even dusk offers
no solace
in frozen watermelon bliss


ii.

smoke permeates fabric
hair and every surface
with peace and grit
wafting over
the crispy
edges of predawn

begging sleep
to the most stubborn
insomniac

rotisserie style dreams
till morning


iii.

there's less death today
waiting in line
in candy store nightmares
begging silence
from the jubilant

but the sky turned up
a dream state

in that beguiling beauty
is brilliance


iv.

in shadows
the earth falls silent

rustling through
tall tales
the moon births

images in hidden corners

evening strolls
turn adventures

and every day
burns quick
to be reborn slowly


v.

the weight of hell
in short tempered bites
**** will with a proficiency
unseen outside
a viper's silent hunt

ready for war
with fists losing
responsibility

breaking triple digit
pressure


vi.

Incessant banging through walls built faster than I am strong enough to demolish, cradling lace so it won't rip on my forked tongue. There is only so much care left to handle perception just trying to breathe through a smile.
91218
190w
 Jan 2018
PrttyBrd
A cacophony of wasted space in a mind too full to see
boring holes to breathe or vent
or pray that there is no light to be let in

Was never done dying before yesterday moved
tomorrow is last year a lifetime ago
today, erased by was and will

Tears can't dry in incessant floods
bleeding acid that feeds unhealing wounds
in a mix of steroids and parasites

Faced with all that perception ever was
altered reality in crushed emotion
scraping the dregs of feeling to find a place to sleep

Jagged shards of memories offer the most comfort
as they slice what attempted to heal
killing me slowly anew with each passing moment

Moments torn in a million pieces of equal pain
encased in cemented ideals and rosy falsehoods
yesterday is the only reality left

Outside a clenched fist holding onto nothing
blood crusts in black paint
open or closed, there's nothing left to see

Longing to bleed out through the ****** of dreams
left to die in a place that packs holes with dirt
enough to exist in an invisible life

Killing the long ago before it finishes what it started
seems its own nightmare of weakness
will it alive or will it dead, just will something and make it so

A lifetime of dying in a half-life of truth
gray eats black as anguish feeds on beauty
nothing remains in untouched memories
11418
235w
 Nov 2017
PrttyBrd
I will wait
blindly scraping through each day
on skinless knees
clawing through with bloodied fingers
searching for the truth to clench to

I will wait
in the bowels of a twisted mind
bending flickers to shadows
in endless search of the light
that teased with relentless promise

I will wait
for this Hell to freeze my bones brittle
buried in glacial daydreams
of a time that day meant
I could feel the warmth of the sun

I will wait
for the accidental happiness
that covered me like a puddle I fell into
while stumbling through existence
simply drawing breath

I will wait
in jagged darkness for the only reality
that makes sense of this place
for in that union is peace so pure
it washes the universe in light

So, yes, I will wait
an eternity of gaping wounds
bathed in the brine of silence
never giving voice to the grated truth
of the best part of who I am
111017
 Aug 2017
L T Winter
A melody so
Beau-ti-ful-ly broken
It's- ghostly
To ears-
And the
Bone frore; psoriasis skin
Screaming vociferous
With claret shot
Token festered eyes
Could speak

Glacial strokes to
An empty
Mere,
Growing epicormic buds
For fresh-er-than-threshing
Squabbles.

Shadows speak
And evanesce,
When the blood
I made shivering
Seeps warmth; to tears.
I call for Help--

                        Guidance-

                                             Aid

It echoes and
I forget--
Why I came here.
While the big-ness of things and feelings
Are gone again.
 May 2017
PrttyBrd
My fortress of solitude
solidifies regret
counterbalancing justification
with waning self worth

It could be worse
and I am imperfect
so I stay in this place invisible
seen only in degrees unworthy

But here alone
I can pretend I am strong
the truth hidden
by what I cannot show

Words are my friends
where my thoughts
are my enemies
Still, I remain

Not bad enough to leave
Just horrible enough to keep me hidden in this isolation
ashamed to show my face
afraid to be free and learn...

it's all true
5617
 Apr 2017
Grizzo
If my tongue were a pen
every word would be a postmarked
love letter to your ears.

If my tongue were a pen
my words wouldn’t have
cut so deeply and left you
with coupons you’ll never

use and bills that are past
due.

The page is my playground.

My Church.
My Sanctuary.
My Womb,

Our eyes are doorways to
the secrets that make us
who we are

This dark haired face with three
day scruff and glasses is a
single sentence out of context,

and our chapter isn’t finished.

I am fishing on a lake
at five years old.
passing my driving test,
graduating high school,

I am both an old soul
who
lived too much
too young,
and a child reaching
for candles
in the darkness.

If my tongue were a pen,
my darling,

my soul
would slide its fingers
through your eyeballs

and bury itself in
the deepest recesses
of your heart

If my tongue were a pen
instead of picking up all the
bad memories of this apartment
with piles of ***** clothes,

you would
find the words and phrases
we phased out of our lives for a forgotten
reason at the end
of an empty bottle night.

I am moving to a new city at 25,
becoming a Father.
Invisible to my child.
A Stranger.

I am meeting you for the first time,
we are children holding hands
in the darkness
We were children jumping from
swings,
We were the children
who knew just enough

We told each other all our secrets
We shut doors
We blew out candles

if my tongue were a pen
My darling,

it would tell you
we are not a mistake.

we are a
collection
of unfortunate
accidents
that became
something
beautiful.

Turn the Page.

BG-4/10/17
 Mar 2017
PrttyBrd
She loved him so hard she broke his balance
Stumbling through a maze of attraction, affection, and desire
Trying to find footing on familiar ground
he beat her back through his own pain
too far to torture with answered dreams
too close to ignore into normalcy

She loved him so hard he feared he'd shatter in her arms
Seeking safety in benign semblance of emotion
In a reality devoid of enamored souls
unyeilding acceptance proves unforgettable
Deemed undeserved in dreams of promises broken
Ignited by impure thoughts
Requited in guilt, martyred for the comfort
of a truth that never existed

She loved him so hard he was afraid to love her
32417
 Dec 2016
L T Winter
'Excuse me'

She whispered so subtly,
That he forgot to notice.

As her heart bled free
From his hands.
 Oct 2016
PrttyBrd
Fearless dreaming has brought me here
The warmth of spent flesh
asleep in the tides of a fickle moon
a cool breeze in a windowless room
I pull back the sheet slowly
and watch as tiny bumps form in the chill

Peaches and cream perfection
Dare I touch
Dare I risk awakening
The warmth reaches me before I reach the truth
Hesitation and a slow exhale

I have dreamed this dream before
The dream where there is no time, no rules, no distance
I have dreamed of joy and love
I have dreamed this very dream
and as I touch you... I cry

In those moments lost in the union
of love and passion
right and wrong are a blur
on the edges of souls bound in time
Until...
I touch you and
for a moment
you are my truth, my reality, my dream, my life
Gone in the gasp of a waking sun

Dare I risk losing you once more
My heart breaks anew as the new day dawns
But how do I yearn and not sate
Yes, I touch
I love so that I may live in that moment a lifetime

The warmth of your skin greets mine
as you turn to me in your slumber
embracing all I could hope to be
Your comfort with me melts doubt
And I pray that the sun never shines
I pray that this moment is my ever after
That you and I are where we once were
where we should always be

I open my eyes at daybreak
and still feel the warmth of you
I bask before the tears come
I love you more with each moment of perfect slumber
I dream
That you will keep me with you
so I shall ne'er again wake
to a world where you no longer reside
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