I feel like I need a recharge..
need to plug back into myself for a while.
Maybe have the sun charge my soul,
melt away all the darkness.
But I cant find the sun.. cant find the warmth
to bring me back to life..

You are forever my Heart and Soul.
My love for you will never cease to grow.
You bring light and love to my day, I love you more
than words could ever say.
From this day on I know this is true,
I cannot wait to spend my life with you.

There is a crack in my Armor
its beginning to let the dark creep
back in to my life.
I keep trying to patch my life
but my fingers are  numb from trying
from trying and failing..
how can it be so hard to fix
who I am, I don't want who I used
to be.. I just want to figure out who I
even am anymore..
I feel shattered on the inside..
cant remember the last time I felt whole.

Sometimes I feel so hollow
just a shell of who I was or would have become
My internal war destroys what I think I want
making me feel doubt about it all
most days I stop trying to fight it
letting it consume what little happiness
I find..its greedy like that
always wanting more..
I know its selfish to allow others in
when darkness will surely win...

Who am I?
Who should I be?
Why cant I find my place in world full
choices?

I know that I'm everyone's cup of tea,
more like the tea bag just feeling used.

I pray for peace and self acceptance.
Knowing I need to love me before I can
find where I truly need to be.

Pulling in different directions
barely holding on, my strength depleting.

I'm weak and so tired,
just wanna fold into myself until
it all passes. but the darkness there
can be deafening too.

C.F2015

Wrapped in your warmth
Snuggled to your side
your arm draped over me
with pride you cannot hide.
I am yours and you are mine
Forever with you is where I want to be
To cherish each day
For all eternity.

C.F2015

The first time can be scary
not sure you made the right choice.

Unfamiliar sounds and smells
gives you a rush you can never forget.

But with every new one
you slowly become submerged in this world.

The ink lets you express your heart
or heals your soul.

For a moment time stands still
and your at peace.

Accepting yourself and choosing
to live the life you want.

C.F15

Its a comfort to know that I am not alone anymore,
alone to fall apart when my
depression and anxiety catch me off guard.

Because I have you watching over my heart and mind,
you can feel when
I need to be held and told every thing will be alright
and that no matter what you will always be there
to wipe the tears from my face.

The connection our souls have is amazing
sensing each other without
having to say a word.

Our souls were destined to
find each other so they could
be together and In love again.

Long ago you vanished from me,
with silent words you were gone.

We drifted apart for reasons unknown,
for gods plan was yet to be seen.

But like a summers breeze,
you have been brought back to me.

Instantly we are connected,
like two soul destined to meet.
@C.F15

The wisest men say
never wish away your days.
Pushing everyday to thrive
never taking for granted your alive.
Cherish the good days to
banish all the bad.
Always turning you eyes to the skies
soaking in the positive waves,
washing all your pain away.
Knowing your not alone in the world,
together finding a way to cure the hate.

C.F15

Swiftly I come to you
like a shooting star in the sky.

Swiftly I come to you
praying our passion never dies.

In your arms is where I
want to stay..
Never losing grip
for Eternity if I may.

@C.F.15

Are those tears..or the rain
mix them together lately
there all the same.
salty droplets of my pain
pouring from my eyes and
the skies...flooding my pillow.

T R U S T
how can a word and action
be so simple, yet be
the hardest thing to give someone.
F A I T H
the one thing we can feel
so deeply, but lose in a
single breath.
H O N E S T Y
the best characteristic of the
all, but is lost with
those who break you down.
then there is L O V E..
four little letters that
can hold all the others in it
or
make them fall by the
way side and never be
the same again.

Lying here watching the clouds go
slowly by, wondering why do I
even try??
I fight myself when boredom comes
of whether what I do is enough...
how can I fly high in the clouds
to spin out of control towards the ground.

When my eyes close at night
I dream of  ways my life could take flight.
My mind runs with ideas of how
I could have been different from
the past to now.
Its always changing
never the same.
I never know which way to take
to shift my dreams and raise the stakes.
But changing in my dreams isn't really living
because I'm proud of the life I was given.

My internal closet is full
Of everything I keep
Bottled up..
I hope it can hold it all

The hands on the clock are creeping by
like fog across a road, slowly reminding me of
how much time I truly waste.

My heart is haunted
by the ghosts of my past,
the struggles of my present,
and the unknown of  my future.

Some days I wonder why I even try..
Feel  like I'm just stalled
my feet spinning in place
digging my own grave.

I succumb to the shark inside me, tearing me apart
piece by piece..bleeding me dry.
My hormones are messing with my thoughts,
making things seem so much more foggy..
i know that nothings wrong but that feeling
keeps coming back into my mind..WHAT IF??

What if he changed his mind?
What if he doesn't want this anymore?
What if its me??
i must fight these thought before they wreck
my mind and heart..before the walls
build back up and im trapped in the darkness again.

Ive come to far to let the bad thoughts find
their old home in my thoughts..never again!!
people always talk about how everyone
is messing with their heads, but my insecurities
are my biggest demon..

Struggles, your and mine,
are different but the same..
MONEY
         JOBS
    BILLS
        DEBT..
Learning that its not what struggles you have,
But how you come out of them that matters..

Opening my heart again is danger..
to my mind..heart and soul.
Am I ready to risk it all again??
Each time I do it takes it's toll..

You came into my life
when  I was at my lowest.
Making me smile and forgetting
all the bad in my world.
You gave me hope
for better days to come.
Lifting my spirit
while repairing what he turned to rubble.
Your love saved me from myself..

Today is a better day..
the darkness is retreating
from my thought and im seeing
clearly the truth..
or lack of..

Are these tears I feel or Pieces of my soul??
Is there a difference..they both pour out of me.
They are all I have left of me...
My purpose I'm unable to find,
Do I hold on or let you go??
Can I let half of myself go??

Music was my escape
until you...
Now your in every song i ever loved..
reminding me your gone, and that
I wasnt good enough

How can a month hurt worse than 5 years??
HOW did  you bring me to the light to just watch me F  A L L..
I cant find my grip to bring my self back up,
Forever doomed to live at the bottom.. A L O N E..

I can feel the darkness trying to find me,
tracking me down to pull me under.
I continue to run towards the light,
But it finds me before I can save myself.
Always inches away from a happier time,
to just be pulled back to the dark castle in my head.

I fight through the tears,
fight to stay strong and positive..
slipping  on the puddles of my soul.

Am I strong enough to win the
FIGHT??
or will I loose it all..
C.F14

Like ghosts passing by,
never truly seeing each other..
my soul was lost among the world,
until it found you..

With every crash of a wave,
My stress is washed away..

Don't rush it..
But how can you rush something that
you know is right??
Time doesn't define love,
whether its a week or year.
When your soul finds it other half,
then there is nothing left to fear.

In just one night...
You found
the butterflies I had lost.
You cleared the clouds that
hid my heart.
You gave me hope
after the storm.
You showed me the
way to shore.

We sat and talked for hours
not caring about the time
No distractions to worry about
nothing occupying our minds.

Do you even know the truth anymore
Or are you that deluaional ??
The darkness that spews out of your
mouth will not break who I am anymore.
So if need to lie to make yourself
happy or try and destroy my good name,
Then I will pray for you..
Pray you find peace in your delusions
That I'm the reason this is over..

I filed for my freedom from you today,
paying the fee so it can be done.
awaiting 30 day before I know,
that i can finally be done with you.
You hurt me more than i ever could imagine,
but im healing everyday..everyday im away from you.
My friends, family and god give me the strength to move on,
the strength you took from me is restored.
I have no fear or anxiety, I filed those away.

Altering your mind to keep
Thoughts out, may alter
your heart from letting
Feelings in...

I woke up to a beautiful day,
full of life and love.
You open my eyes to its beauty,
showing me your amazing grace.
I can feel your light run through me,
warming my heart and soul.
You make me a better person,
just by you loving me.
I do not fear falling,
I know you will help carry me.
You guide me through my life,
walking beside me all the way.
Always with Me
@C.F14'

music is part of my existence..
the kick drum keeps my heart in rhythm.

The rifts from the guitar help lead
my down these roads in my life.

With each lyric, I'm closer to being
saved from myself.

Giving me hope and motivation to get
through each day..

They worry if I'm alright,
If maybe I'm depressed.
Flooding me with love
and support, trying to
show that they are there..
But I'm fine, I tell them, that
they don't have to worry.
I'm slowly finding my own
way, its just taking a little
time....To figure out that I
am worth a the fight, that
I deserve to be happy..
Without the darkness trying to
flood my thoughts and dreams.
So I smile and same I'm fine
and the hardest part is
believing my self..

@C.F14'