With every crash of a wave,
My stress is washed away..
With a single choice,
my anxiety is gone..gone from my
mind and my heart.
Now that I am ease,
the world feels different..
as so do I
Struggles, your and mine,
are different but the same..
Learning that its not what struggles you have,
But how you come out of them that matters..
Opening my heart again is danger..
to my mind..heart and soul.
Am I ready to risk it all again??
Each time I do it takes it's toll..
I woke up changed..
finally coming out of the dream,
seeing past all the lies..
My heart is haunted
by the ghosts of my past,
the struggles of my present,
and the unknown of my future.
You make my soul whole,
fill in all my emptiness with love and
Never afraid to help and protect me,
there in a drop of a hat.. ready for anything.
Blood or not has never mattered,
I know that you are my family...thick or thin.
We've seen greatness and pain together,
holding each other to stay strong, pulling
each other through the smoke and fire...
Together we are unstoppable..
for my best friends.. who complete me.
My ink runs deeper than paper.
It runs on my skin and heart.. mapping my character
and giving me my art.
People stare at my ink, on paper and skin..
casting judgement of both now and again.
Before I speak, you have already tore
Whether its my clothes, that are worn
Eyes glancing to my tattoos, calling me
trash in your mind.
Finally my looks, overweight and plain,
far from the standards that you hold.
I am more than what you see..but with
every glance, a piece of who I am shatters.
They worry if I'm alright,
If maybe I'm depressed.
Flooding me with love
and support, trying to
show that they are there..
But I'm fine, I tell them, that
they don't have to worry.
I'm slowly finding my own
way, its just taking a little
time....To figure out that I
am worth a the fight, that
I deserve to be happy..
Without the darkness trying to
flood my thoughts and dreams.
So I smile and same I'm fine
and the hardest part is
believing my self..
I wish I could be somewhere else, be someone else..
Never again to feel the pain in my soul or run from the
darkness in my mind..
The longer I'm alone with my thoughts, the more they
pull me to the darkness.. with no light, love or life..
My soul feels older than my years..
like its lived for centuries before me.
Maybe that's why I think different,
feel different than the world I'm in.
Compassion, hope and love run through
me, helping me push through this world
Accepting myself and those around me for
who they are and not conforming with the
Get over the fact that I have tattoos..
Get over the fact that I'm overweight..
because I know im an amazing and
talented person, who doesnt need or
want your approval..
The World tells you that it doesn't exist,
that you will never find it...
Believing that you can find your happily ever
after, regardless of how people put it down.
I'm holding out for the out of the park home-run
feeling you get when that person walks in the room.
Never again will I fight against my heart, it alone
knows where im suppose to be and what I deserve.
I fight through the tears,
fight to stay strong and positive..
slipping on the puddles of my soul.
Am I strong enough to win the
or will I loose it all..
Go from a beautiful high in life, to the bottom of the ocean..
I feel like I need a recharge..
need to plug back into myself for a while.
Maybe have the sun charge my soul,
melt away all the darkness.
But I cant find the sun.. cant find the warmth
to bring me back to life..
ahh the hung stud..
never have I had the pleasure..
to witness and feel all of there zeal..
I'm overcome by the numbness of what I try to forget,
only to shut down completely inside.
I thought I could move on,
move on from the pain and fear,
yet sadly it still remains.
It was easy to leave,
leave you behind so i can find
I now stand free of the fears,
that held me back and kept me prisoner.
Standing on my own..the Chains are gone
Are those tears..or the rain
mix them together lately
there all the same.
salty droplets of my pain
pouring from my eyes and
the skies...flooding my pillow.
Altering your mind to keep
Thoughts out, may alter
your heart from letting
Living in the light,
wanting to shine but
the darkness floods my
heart and mind
Everyday fighting, battling
looking to find the rays
that will help light my way.
I can feel the darkness trying to find me,
tracking me down to pull me under.
I continue to run towards the light,
But it finds me before I can save myself.
Always inches away from a happier time,
to just be pulled back to the dark castle in my head.
happiness is a myth
Who am I?
Who should I be?
Why cant I find my place in world full
I know that I'm everyone's cup of tea,
more like the tea bag just feeling used.
I pray for peace and self acceptance.
Knowing I need to love me before I can
find where I truly need to be.
Pulling in different directions
barely holding on, my strength depleting.
I'm weak and so tired,
just wanna fold into myself until
it all passes. but the darkness there
can be deafening too.
There may never be a knight on
A white horse.
Never a castle hidden far away.
Never hear the sound of little
Feet running around.
Never being Beautiful, smart, or
Rich..learning to live with those.
Why dream of things when
They could never happen anyways..
Lower expectations keep the fear and
Pain from defeating me
I want to catch you attention,
but not hear that I'm beautiful for my size.
The things you say stay with me,
they tumble around in my head.
I will overthink and pick apart each word,
compare it to how we act together.
I want to find my butterflies,
find someone who wants to make me smile.
But I also want to be the reason your always smiling,
I want to be able to chase away your bad days.
I woke up to a beautiful day,
full of life and love.
You open my eyes to its beauty,
showing me your amazing grace.
I can feel your light run through me,
warming my heart and soul.
You make me a better person,
just by you loving me.
I do not fear falling,
I know you will help carry me.
You guide me through my life,
walking beside me all the way.
Always with Me
The music seems to flow over
and through me, pushing back
my pain..fears.. and problems.
I can feel myself sinking
deeper into my happy place and
forgetting how lost I really am.
With just a beat..I'm FREE
The first time can be scary
not sure you made the right choice.
Unfamiliar sounds and smells
gives you a rush you can never forget.
But with every new one
you slowly become submerged in this world.
The ink lets you express your heart
or heals your soul.
For a moment time stands still
and your at peace.
Accepting yourself and choosing
to live the life you want.
Swiftly I come to you
like a shooting star in the sky.
Swiftly I come to you
praying our passion never dies.
In your arms is where I
want to stay..
Never losing grip
for Eternity if I may.
The wisest men say
never wish away your days.
Pushing everyday to thrive
never taking for granted your alive.
Cherish the good days to
banish all the bad.
Always turning you eyes to the skies
soaking in the positive waves,
washing all your pain away.
Knowing your not alone in the world,
together finding a way to cure the hate.
The Darkness creeps in,
into my mind and soul.
I know after awhile it will take its toll.
I must continue to fight, hold it off...
but how long can I stay strong or
will it consume me??
Are these tears I feel or Pieces of my soul??
Is there a difference..they both pour out of me.
They are all I have left of me...
My purpose I'm unable to find,
Do I hold on or let you go??
Can I let half of myself go??
how do i let go of my other half??
do i have the strength??
I filed for my freedom from you today,
paying the fee so it can be done.
awaiting 30 day before I know,
that i can finally be done with you.
You hurt me more than i ever could imagine,
but im healing everyday..everyday im away from you.
My friends, family and god give me the strength to move on,
the strength you took from me is restored.
I have no fear or anxiety, I filed those away.
The chaos in me wont subside,
I try and push myself, make myself FEEL happy.. be happy
but I cant control the Riots inside my head.. causing destruction of
my heart and deteriorating my mind..
I hear people talk to me.. or rather at me, telling me to take my time
that I just need to focus on me.. but how can I focus with all the noise
in my mind.. its deafening ..
My greatest fear is that it will win.. it will completely shatter the thought of who I was or wanted to be.
Wrapped in your warmth
Snuggled to your side
your arm draped over me
with pride you cannot hide.
I am yours and you are mine
Forever with you is where I want to be
To cherish each day
For all eternity.
They have been called sharp,
cutting you deep.
Bring you to tears,
or pushing back all your fears.
They can break your heart,
or make it fly.
We sat and talked for hours
not caring about the time
No distractions to worry about
nothing occupying our minds.
Beside me he peacefully sleeps,
not knowing the fears I secretly keep.
The fears that silently tear me apart,
those I keep hidden within my heart.
Not knowing how it will all turn out,
is the roughest part without a doubt.
Doctors tell me there is always hope,
but nothing really helps me cope.
My fear of never being able to say,
that we have a baby on the way.
Sometimes I feel so hollow
just a shell of who I was or would have become
My internal war destroys what I think I want
making me feel doubt about it all
most days I stop trying to fight it
letting it consume what little happiness
I find..its greedy like that
always wanting more..
I know its selfish to allow others in
when darkness will surely win...
They take and I give
they take and I give
Taking, taking , taking
I slice at my wrist to give more,
Remember to go down the tracks and not across... but nothing comes out, they have drained me..drained my life..
My white castle was just a mirage..
Fooling me to believe that there is a happily ever after.
The ivory walls are turning black and crumbling to the ground..
The sky is darkening, pushing the light away from me..
Its useless to chase the sun, when u know u should let it go ..
I feel trapped inside,
unable to free who I want to be.
I try and Fight, lose more than I gain..
But I still fight..fight through my pain.
When my eyes close at night
I dream of ways my life could take flight.
My mind runs with ideas of how
I could have been different from
the past to now.
Its always changing
never the same.
I never know which way to take
to shift my dreams and raise the stakes.
But changing in my dreams isn't really living
because I'm proud of the life I was given.
Learning to love myself one day at a time
Did you know I prayed for you?
I asked everyday for happiness,
and you turned out to be just that.
Somehow restoring my life day by day,
putting me back together one piece at a time.
You are forever my Heart and Soul.
My love for you will never cease to grow.
You bring light and love to my day, I love you more
than words could ever say.
From this day on I know this is true,
I cannot wait to spend my life with you.
There is a crack in my Armor
its beginning to let the dark creep
back in to my life.
I keep trying to patch my life
but my fingers are numb from trying
from trying and failing..
how can it be so hard to fix
who I am, I don't want who I used
to be.. I just want to figure out who I
even am anymore..
I feel shattered on the inside..
cant remember the last time I felt whole.
In just one night...
the butterflies I had lost.
You cleared the clouds that
hid my heart.
You gave me hope
after the storm.
You showed me the
way to shore.
Don't rush it..
But how can you rush something that
you know is right??
Time doesn't define love,
whether its a week or year.
When your soul finds it other half,
then there is nothing left to fear.
when you know you just know..
Some days I wonder why I even try..
Feel like I'm just stalled
my feet spinning in place
digging my own grave.
The hands on the clock are creeping by
like fog across a road, slowly reminding me of
how much time I truly waste.