I want to catch you attention,
but not hear that I'm beautiful for my size.
The things you say stay with me,
they tumble around in my head.
I will overthink and pick apart each word,
compare it to how we act together.
I want to find my butterflies,
find someone who wants to make me smile.
But I also want to be the reason your always smiling,
I want to be able to chase away your bad days.
I feel like I need a recharge..
need to plug back into myself for a while.
Maybe have the sun charge my soul,
melt away all the darkness.
But I cant find the sun.. cant find the warmth
to bring me back to life..
You are forever my Heart and Soul.
My love for you will never cease to grow.
You bring light and love to my day, I love you more
than words could ever say.
From this day on I know this is true,
I cannot wait to spend my life with you.
There is a crack in my Armor
its beginning to let the dark creep
back in to my life.
I keep trying to patch my life
but my fingers are numb from trying
from trying and failing..
how can it be so hard to fix
who I am, I don't want who I used
to be.. I just want to figure out who I
even am anymore..
I feel shattered on the inside..
cant remember the last time I felt whole.
Sometimes I feel so hollow
just a shell of who I was or would have become
My internal war destroys what I think I want
making me feel doubt about it all
most days I stop trying to fight it
letting it consume what little happiness
I find..its greedy like that
always wanting more..
I know its selfish to allow others in
when darkness will surely win...
The chaos in me wont subside,
I try and push myself, make myself FEEL happy.. be happy
but I cant control the Riots inside my head.. causing destruction of
my heart and deteriorating my mind..
I hear people talk to me.. or rather at me, telling me to take my time
that I just need to focus on me.. but how can I focus with all the noise
in my mind.. its deafening ..
My greatest fear is that it will win.. it will completely shatter the thought of who I was or wanted to be.
Yesterday came and went
With only the memories that are crushed in
Everyone reminded me that its ok and
that I am stronger for having the courage
to leave and want more for my life.
Even though I have moved on from what
became of us, I reminded of the failed parts
of my life.