I think I would give up the world right now to be able to sketch.
These images appear in my head day and night
making me want to spend hours on end drawing.
Drawing vivid illustrations
The ones that constantly replay in my head.

I want to be able to see some sort
of physical image of me and you.
one that makes the heart melt
one that is lost for words
One that shows
what I see
what I feel

I wish I could explain it.
I can't even put it into words.
these words don't exist!
But I know every single line
of every sketch.

A risk is being able to do what you want
even when you know every single consequence.

A risk is climbing a latter
when its only a rope.

A risk is believing in yourself enough to say "I did it!"
even when you're only half way there.

A risk is ducking in the shadows
knowing you'll get caught.


A risk is keeping a promise
when everyone is doing everything they can to break it.

A risk is keeping an open mind while still staying determined.

A risk is NOT waking up everyday and saying "I can and will do this".

That is determination

Determination is waking up every single day and saying "I was meant to do this"

I get more work done
when I'm avoiding other work

(up to date info:)
you said the last time would be the final
that if it ever happened again
to just leave
you said it wouldn't be worth coming back
over and over
just to get myself hurt again.

But yet you are clinging to the times
the times when I agreed just
so I wouldn't get anguished.

I was afraid
I was scared
I didn't want to disappoint you.

But now
now I have grown.
Now I see that
I don't have to keep you happy.
that I was starving myself just to meet your needs

I'm no longer scared.
I will not give in.
I will not say that I am sorry.

I will give you one thing
and one thing only.

advice:

what you have is a broken heart.
the pain will never go away.
it will keep you up for years
it will make you rage
it will make you starve
it will drain you physically, mentally, and emotionally.
knowing that if you did something different
changed the smallest things
changed a few of the lease meaningful things
how much of a happier ending you would have.
you will beat yourself up everyday.
BUT you will move on little by little.
You will meet other people
that will love and cherish you.
Who will love every aspect of you.
But my love and trust for you were neglected too much.
Too much for me to ever have them again.

Do you ever get so frustrated in a situation
because you know you are right
but because society is the way it is
you are considered wrong?

Do you ever get blamed for something
you didn't do
just because society is the way it is?

Do you ever want to get people to change something
but they're scared of being judged
just because society is the way it is?

Do you ever want to make yourself happy
but can't
because society is the way it is.

Do you ever just
wish it wasn't the way it is?

you say that all blacks are bad
you say they all do drugs and **** people
you say they cant be trusted
you say that kids will be confused with mixed race parents
you say it makes people look horrible if they are seen with a colored person

you make no sense

have you seen the news?
read the paper?
you see whites doing horrible
if not worse things.
but yet you only point a finder at the colored

you just don't see it

So what if races are mixed?
another persons feeling and emotions do not affect you
If they are content then let them be
There is nothing wrong with it

Colored families have just as many ups and downs as a white family
but yet they are not seen as civilized people.
just a color, not a person.

So why are they still seen as "different"?
why do you have double standards?
Why can't you see a person's character and adjudicate that.
Stop being so dense and prejudice!
You know for a fact that whites are causing as much disorder to the world as colored.
Stop trying to protect yourself from a color!

I protect you from bear traps
It seems like you've pushed me into a few.
But I've gotten better and I've forgiven you.
But you still get injured from tripping over twigs.
I've taken the blame because its what I'm use to.
Why won't you grow up and take care of yourself.
You stumble and fall too easily.

You have so many opportunities
but you act like you have none.
I try
I really do
to point them out.
But all you want to do is be
a toddler and play and wait
for everything to come to you.

like it has all your life.

I'm starting to realize something.
I'm losing hope in you.
I see no reason why I am still helping you.
You're not even trying!
Be a freaking man!
YOU have two feet
YOU have two hands
Take some responsibility
and stop thinking everyone will forgive you when you ***** up
The world isn't out to get you
but it definitely leave you behind if you let it.

You're gonna fall a lot,
but I don't feel like sticking around to help you heal
after tripping over air.
I've been around for it too many times.
I don't even see anything in it for me
anymore.
I have too many wounds to take care of on my own anyways.

Come to me when you've finally felt the gut wrenching pains from the bear traps
and be able to get through it on your own.

But I know you won't.
You will just keep tripping over twigs
and blaming the world for your cuts.