The waves are closing in
As I swim towards the finish line
I feel my claustrophobia settling in
My body swaying left and right

My eyes fixated on being first
Tunnel vision now my guide
I ignore everyone around me
If it means reaching solid ground

Medication's slowing down my thoughts
But I'm running out of time
How many times can I fall down
Before I cannot rise?

Before the water gives from under me
And my lungs let out a desperate cry
Screaming, "Save me Jesus!"
"These waves drag me down to die!"

"Why do you test My mighty power
When I have saved you every time?"
"Oh you of little faith
Rise up, leave your fears behind"

"Your sins have been forgiven
For I became a living sacrifice"
"Your soul has been made anew"
Jesus spoke, as He calmed the piercing tides

Now He carries my anxious burdens
When I'm losing all my might
Every day I get to know Him more
In the morning and the night

He guides me towards the narrow path
When I'm wandering from His design
He quiets my inner demons
Before I lose my mind

He reminds me of my identity
When the enemy whispers lies
He reveals His awesome power
When my doubt begins to rise

Only He can offer resolution
For these problems I face in life
He is my sole provider
Of my needs which come with time

So I urge my brothers and sisters
To call upon our mighty God!
For He will calm the stormy waters
And prove that He is Christ

What would you have to lose
If you chose to run away?
Cause that's what I've been wondering
When my nightmares keep me awake.

Would your thoughts race for hours
With the memories of our secret place,
If you could forsee my disappearance
If you knew that we would change?

Perhaps this feeling is not justified
Because I'm over-analyzing things,
When I'm aiming for an equilibrium
In the friendships that I make.

Cause when I consider endless factors
That I cannot control and have to face,
I realize perfection is not possible
For a human to attain.

You were in my arms
Now you're in distress
From all the nights you cried
Still saddened by this loneliness

I'm familiar with that state
And how it takes me down again
Down this rabbit hole of regrets
And the thoughts of what I said

So I'll make sure you never stumble
When you're running up ahead
I'll keep you in my arms
As I calmly brace your head

And if the world has turned to mayhem
And is on its final legs
I can hold you for eternity
Until you're feeling safe again

Before you're leaving me to run
Towards the sun you're convinced is red
Still searching our bluest ocean
As you're laying on its bed

So I'll do everything I can
To make sure you have some friends
Who can be there when it's rough
When your days are blue again

I brought you to the secret garden
Where I acquire inner peace
Where I am finally myself
And can escape from everything

I trusted you enough
To reveal that I am weak
That I made myself a garden
To distract me from my feelings

But after walking through my meadows
And now realizing I was free
You became overtaken in darkness
And began chopping down my trees

You destroyed everything I made
Until there was nothing left for me
You corrupted all my plants
And transformed them into weeds

I still marvel at the hopelessness
That you brought up onto me
And I regret in having trust
That you would offer some relief

To accept that I'm only human
And can sometimes fail at things
But I suppose it is a stretch
To assume you're not a freak

I mean after everything between us
I do not expect an apology
Cause in the grand scheme of things
We allowed our forests of solace to freeze

Together.

It was only last October
When you finally swept away
Any traces of our friendship
And you buried its remains

It triggered my escapism
So I could hide from nights of pain
I did not make the best decisions
But at least I was okay

I was reliant on the meds
So I would never have to face
The truth about our friendship
That was so clearly a mistake

And when you left for Houston,
It was then when I would break
I could not accept my reality
Which was keeping me awake

And the park where we would play
To pretend that we were eight
We knew we looked like idiots
But together, we were safe

But I realized I was in captivity
From the memories of that place
I was interrogated by inner demons
And I found myself in chains

So that ship has finally sailed
Her cruise had left today
People move on and priorities change...


When you wish they'd stay the same.

In the middle of my ignorance
I believed our love would stay
Though you had nothing to lose
If you disappeared and ran away

And that's exactly what you did
When you realized I was afraid
I had nearly forgot the loneliness
That was keeping me awake

You understood I was alone
And I welcomed you to stay
So you could tell me all the reasons
Why you wanted it this way

But once you slammed the door
And couldn't stand me anymore
I fell into deep depression
With my eyes fixed on the floor

Solemn regret swept over me
Cause I can see you were ignored
I was fighting inner demons
While our relationship was torn

So in the end I am to blame
I should have met you in the rain
Before you walked into the storm
Before your hands had closed the door

Should I call myself a traitor
For not honoring my needs
When I fall for you again
When I'm struggling to breathe

In the pool of old regrets
I'm still asking what it means
As I'm sinking to the floor
As I'm drowning to be free

I lament my current ignorance
For forgetting certain things
Like when I lay down in the dirt
From admitting our defeat

There's no basis for return
If you're always in my dreams
I had finally let you go
Until I ruined everything

I shouldn't play with fire
When my heart is made of weeds
But I was so desperate for attention
And the comfort it can bring

So I'll call myself a traitor
Cause I'm only hurting me
When I'm crawling back to you
And am on my hands and knees