You made a fool out of me
Or did I do it to myself?
We both played around
For a while, we called it love

Now I am walking through the city
Trying to catch emotions again
It’s hard to like someone
So dressing up is surely in vain

I’m spinning around my room
Dancing to the music in my head
Who knew, love and hate
Good and sin, all go with red?

I’m still thinking of where
I went wrong -made you walk away
Must have been the way I adored you
Could’ve been something you said

Yet how foolish are we?
Trying to find love in our fights
Holding on to each other’s hands
Letting go whenever the picture gets a little less bright

Mother,
Please tell me I did what’s right
I saved them a stupid fight

Oh my sweet mother
Tonight I want to be alone and cry
When I needed someone, nobody even tried

It’s too tragic to be true
I had the chance to be the person
Who stabbed me, shot me with her canon

I broke the cycle, mother
I told her I won’t be the one
Who steals her boy just for fun

I did what I needed someone to do for me
Not break me
But to set me free

I want to almost complain
Why was I left alone?
Locked out of my own home?

But then I hear God speak to me
Love me the way I wasn’t loved before
Taught me, less is always more
My God, softening my inner core
Guiding me through mountain and the shore
Hearing me when I’m silent and when I roar
My God, my God

Don’t tell me
How the grass is greener
On the other side
When you know well enough
That I’m behind the horizon
– out of my mind

Too many aching nights
And my body is numb
Heart is getting cold
While I linger
Waiting for the unknown
Waiting to grow old

Somebody told me not to
Fill the void inside me
With temporary bliss
Oh, what do they know?
I don’t desire the new
I’m breathing in reminisce

It’s hard to think of myself
Let alone somebody else
Now that I’m awake
It took me years
Not to feel a thing
For my own petty sake

You can’t pull me back
On to ”the other side”
Your cruel, always-changing side
I needed stability
And so I chose the gravity
Pulling me down –oh it’s one of a kind

The song I played for you on the phone,
The jokes you had me on,
It’s things like that,
Making me feel so alone,

Had to leave so many houses,
Just to find out, non could be a home
It’s things like that,
Vanishing me when I wasn’t even gone,

Standing by the window in the dark,
Wondering where I lost my spark,
It’s things like that,
Always bleeding, leaving a heavy mark,

I want to sleep, but oh I can’t,
I need to, but I don’t feel a thing,
It’s things like that,
Freezing me inside and out,

There’s so much to weep over,
But the tears seem stagnant,
It’s things like that,
Leaving me —insignificant remnant

If I ever had one, that soul’s dead,
Brutally murdered, not once,
Sometimes with words,
Other times —silence

I’m drifting away
Like sunshine on a bay
Every day
Every day

You see me
But you’re still standing afar
How could you
Let me fall

The city’s cold
And silent
Yet you’re gone
And I’m lost

Do you ever
Think of unknown
Uncreated
Nonexistent?

Lust is a shame
But so is love
And so is everything else
Untamed

Sailing all alone
To another dimension
I’ll rescue
The woman I drowned

Under the midnight sky,
There’s a fading vision of a picture,
Negating your sacred scripture,

It’s a story with no beginning but an end,
A broken puzzle,
Of a tragedy and no pretend,

Consumed by the terror of falling asleep,
Or is it the fear of what I see?
Night after night,
Dream after dream,

Is it the way I watch myself die?
Or waking up in a scare?
Gasping for air,
Til’ morning, crying in despair,

It’s the same cruel dream every hopeless night,
A sight I cannot unsee in my own mind,
Feels like being ****** out of life,
Worn out, drained —all the time

I haven’t spoken for a long time -or at least the truth? I believe that unless you’re not speaking of how you actually feel, you’re not really speaking at all. I had a lot in me. A lot of things to say. Too many stories to tell. I felt pride in knowing that nobody knows my whole story. And to this day, nobody does. But I have changed. I feel, sometimes, as if I am living in a totally different realm now. I do not even remember who I was last year. I have done things, felt things, I shouldn’t speak of. Things buried deep inside my soul, eating me alive everyday. I wonder if hiding your truth is just like lying? But I didn’t choose to hide. It’s just that nobody chose to know. What is the truth really? It is how one feels? Or is it what the others perceive?