The  
                               Snow
    Keeps
                    On
Falling,
                    And
        ­  The
                              Wind
   Keeps
                          On
  Howling.

So I think I'll just stay inside.

Even in the
midsts
of all my
despair,

saying your
name
feels like
a breath
of
fresh-air.

When I'm doing
something wrong;
        tell me.

There seems to be
                                nothing worse
   than false hope.

I will always
love you.
Even when my
heart is
broken and
my dreams
have
diminished
into
nothingness-
even after you
have long
forgotten
who I am;

there will always
be this void
in-which
you
belong.

I never knew
       this day would come
    as fast as it did.

                 I always thought
              that I would just
               stay young
                       forever.

Because
         honestly,

      being young
is the only
           thing I'm
      good at.

I watched the birds fly above the hilltops and steady cliffs.

I saw the sky fade from aqua blue to sunburst orange then to a deep purple.

I felt the ground below me massage every crevice I couldn't touch.

I realized right then and there that everything was going to be okay.

You looked me
         in the eyes
before you
     said your
         good-byes,
                           and I could've
                   sworn I felt
           our hearts
stop beating.

If someone wanted you
in their life
they would
make the effort
to see that you are.

That old cliché term
"actions speak
louder than words"
holds true
and I am just here
to warn you
that not every
friend

is a friend

and they
do not care
the way they
say they do.

Eight times
out of Ten
you probably
face your hardships
alone
and even though
it is not always
graceful-

you survive-

and it takes about
   twenty something years
to realize




                 most humans will never be good to you.


-Andrew Durst.

I can't give you
the world, the
stars, nor grant
all of your wishes.
But I can give you
my word when I say,
           my life is better
           knowing that you
           are a part of it.

In morrow,
The sun will rise,
Greeting me
With a
Soothing warmth.
                And by noon,
           My being
   Will be as
                  Calm as
   A gentle          evening
          Breeze.

The sun and flowers
didn't seem to
       shine today.
But the smile
upon my face
                      did.

Our
love
was a
flight
that you
and I
missed.

Do you
care to
take the
next one
out?

Growing up
     is not what
it seems.

       That's why
there are
people in their fifties
         acting like
they're fifteen.

I'll never know,    
I'll never try,
                   And I'll never care.

I looked at you today.
    And I "checked you out"
for a good moment or two.
And in those moments,
I didn't really think about too much.
I just thought of you.

For the first time, in a long time,
There wasn't something
   Eating away at my thoughts.
I realized how I could really
        get used to that feeling of clarity.
And it reminded me to tell you;
          That you have the most beautiful eyes.

you're starting
to get
sick of
me calling
you
beautiful all the
time.

I just never
know what
to say after
getting lost
in your
eyes.

It's hard to believe
at one point in my life
I had almost completely
given-up.

But is that not
life within itself?
Going through
peaks and valleys
while falling in-love
with those
that actually care
to help?

Yes,
It is truly
funny how things
work out.

Because all the
problems
I once had,
are now
all the things
I laugh
about.

Most days, I want to get away.
Most day I do not know what to say.
Still, I try.
Sometimes I even
do too much.
The line is always blurred to me.
Maybe that is why I am always
crossing it.
I respect people's boundaries.
The biggest problem;
I do not respect my own.
I give,
a lot.
There are some pieces of me
I will never get back.
They say you live and you learn.
I would like to say that the lessons are
sticking.
And as that big hand keeps on
ticking-

I realize that there is,

still,


so much time.

I woke up this-morning
feeling like I didn't
belong here.

And it took
every ounce of me
to convince myself
that I should stay...

Getting
out of bed
shouldn't be the
hardest part
of any day.

I was high on LSD when we first met.
And there is nothing poetic in that statement.
Just honesty.
And you can take that for what it is
but I want you to know this
because even when my skin
was crawling-
you made me feel comfortable.

You were an abrupt kind of bliss
and I could not have been happier
with the light I had suddenly found.

You guessed I was a cancer
and I did not answer
because you saw in my eyes
you knew you were right.

And it was in that moment
I felt a connection
with the kind of
complexion
that was sure to

leave me every night.

I guess it was foolish of me to think
you would stay.

High hopes
and low expectations
is what they say
but I just cannot accept that
these days.

It is getting hard to hold my head up
when all I do is think of you
but my friends keep telling me
that I will make it through
even though

you don't miss me anymore.

Things can't always be the
way we want them too,
and I'm trying to fall
in love with this idea
that no matter what
I end up doing with my life,

it wouldn't have
really mattered anyways.

Maybe we can kiss the sky
until the sun sets and fall
like ashes into the ocean
from burning up in the
sunburst colored atmosphere.

and as steady as
   the sky
        the stars,
             the sun and
                     the moon.
I swear my heart will beat for you.

Maybe I should
shoot you,
          and maybe you should
    shoot me.
But in the end,
      it really won't change
                         a thing;
          you're just
an awful
         human being.

We are a moment of awkward eye contact
         and sweaty palms;
All the tension of the world
      weighing on feeble shoulders.

I'm not sure if we're going anywhere,
Or if we're already where we need to be.

Walking past you in the hallway,
Always makes me
              Think.

There's nothing you can say to me that I haven't heard already.

And I know you've been hurt.
     But I would never treat you
like the others.

                 Can't we learn
            to forgive
      without having
  to forget?

Tooth decay and
lie in cheek.
There’s a rotten
part of me
that
continues to
manifest.
I am bitter
and this is
why I
wither away
rather than
fall to
pieces.
I am a slow,
dying,
rotten,
seething
piece of
flesh.
I am pale
with
society
and intoxicated
from all of
the pointless
conversations
we pretend
to have.

News flash
News flash
News flash







nobody is
listening.

Reveal your
burdens
to me
and I will
do my best
to show you
that even
they
have
beauty.

It has been five months since we have talked last
and I have come to the conclusion that

I was wrong.

There is nobody left for me to blame anymore.

I have come to terms with the fact that
I acted like a child and that my behaviour
was toxic.

I understand,
now,
why our situation
ended up this way
and
that the reason for all
of this distance
was

my own unforgiving misery.

You see,
I tried to convince you to love me.

My ego made way
for my downfall
and
at the end of the day
all I can say
is that-

I do not blame you for not bothering to call.

Truth be told,
you probably did not want to hear my voice
and when it came to picking up the phone;
I probably did not even have the *****.

I was a small man acting in
selfish ways
wondering why
someone as
right as rain
would not give me
the time of day.

I labelled your innocence
as ignorance
when I was the one
in denial,
all alone.

And all along the time
I had chased after you-

I had lost sight of what I wanted to become.

I wanted to
thank you
for not giving me
what my heart
so desperately
longed-for.

It actually
made a
better man
out of
me.

and you
will be
loved
by the ones
who matter.

Why change
for the ones
who
don't?

You should be kind
for the sake of being kind.
Not because a higher power
told or asked of you to do so.

Treat others
the way you want
to be treated.

We were taught this back in
Kindergarten,
so why is it so difficult
for people to understand?

I want to be your
favorite song
on the B-side
of and old record.

                And I want to
    inspire you
to tap your feet.

                  The same way you
make my heart thump
         in an off-tempo beat.

I wasn't alive when he took
his last breath.
      But I remember all of his words,
And I've never been so moved.

Like the animosity seeping
from his pours
and the faint scent
of liquor on his breath;

It seems like
some things
never
fully
die.

There
will
be a day
where you don't
run-across
my mind
whenever
I wake up.
           But for now,
I'll let you
rest as I
enjoy my
morning
cup
of
tea.

Today was cold and damp,
          but it hasn't rained in weeks.
I attended a funeral today,
          but no one died.
I saw my reflection today,
          but it didn't look like me.
I saw the sky!
          but it wasn't blue.
I fell in love once,
          but it wasn't true.
      
                    I was alive today,
                          but no one knew.

I breathed you in
like the smoke from my
last cigarette;
it was bitter-sweet
to taste you on my lips.
And although I never had anything
all-that-useful to say,
I'd like for it to be known
that I still
           love you.

even if your cancer
is metastasizing
in my
heart.

I like to
    pretend
that
I have things
    all figured-out...

Because    most    of    
             the    time,
                    I don't.

I wanted
someone
that wouldn't
be afraid

of me.

I spent
twenty-one
years
doubting
that person
could ever
exist.

For humans
are far too shallow
and our
complications
are

way too deep

but I honestly believe
we should not have to
be alone.

I believe in independence.
I believe in self-reliance
and I believe in self-respect.

But I also believe that
humans can connect
on a far deeper level
than just what we see.

I believe there is a time
and place
for everything
and that includes
the moments

we fall in love.

You see,
there will be days
that you fill
empty
and lonely
but you have
to be there for yourself.

No one is going to give you
a handout
unless you show them
you are going to
make it count.

No one is going to
rely on someone
that cannot
rely on them self.

Co dependence can be
beautiful
but nevertheless-
it is filled with
even more grief.

You cannot fix somebody else
when you are still
practicing
the craft
of self-love.

Allow your lows
to be reminders
that you
can lose
and smile
knowing
that you can
bounce back,
too.

There is nothing
graceful
in struggling
but there is
something
glorious
in the

overcoming

and believe me-
you will find a way
to live through it all.

And then
some day
somebody,
somewhere
is going to
admire
the way
you refuse
to fall.

And you will wonder
how you ever
let the world
make you feel

so small.

-Andrew Durst.

You're nothing like
a good back massage
after a really long day.

You're more of a toe
that has been stubbed
off a coffee table
at 3 am;

You **** me off.

and together,
we will breathe life
into the possibility
of tomorrow.
     And the sweetest dream
of waking by your side
could finally be something
that happened
yesterday.

All the world does
is take.

           Even when I have nothing to give.

I am so worn out and jaded,
that my senses of
compassion
and sincerity
are simply
withering away.

It is sad to admit
that the truth is,

I will be worth so much more
when I am
      dead.

The problem is my attitude;
I don't want to conform.
Can I just be another person
whom you ignore?

It'd be so nice
to be left alone.
But my biggest fear
Is figuring life out
on my own.

The Future;
   The Past...

They're
The
  Only
things
      We
Cannot
**Control

I'm pacing back n' forth in the recesses of my mind.
Thinking about tomorrow; as if I have the time.
I've got a book of regrets and a list of excuses.
Stitches for the cuts and ice for the bruises.
I've got the heart of a warrior but the guts of a coward.
And I'm always screaming inside my mind; as if silence could get any louder.

I'm trying to stay positive; I'm trying to learn.
But it's hard to move forward when your "success" is everyone else's concern.
They're always breathing down my neck and saying things like "you can do better!"
But I guess they don't know that my ambitions change with the weather.
I can't explain it or even begin to understand why.
It's something that's out of my control no matter how hard I try.