I'm standing here
Cursing the sky
With slurred words.
          Damning god
For all that is wrong
In my life.

I'm starting to notice
The people with
Sons and daughters.

         They're covering their
Children's ears
To protect their innocence
From the crazy man (me) that's
Screaming at nothing.

I understand.

      I should
Probably
Do this
Elsewhere.

     No one wants
To listen to me,
And they couldn't take me
Seriously
Even if they tried.

What a miserable,
******* of a life
I must truly live.

Chyeanne called me last night.
She told me that she wanted to be home,
and I could feel the longing
instilled with every word
her weary voice spoke.

But I don't know if I can leave them, Chyeanne.
I just don't think that they'll understand.
And although I love the way the sunset looks in your eyes,
we will always be
distant lovers
for what could
have been.

I watched my father kneel down on one knee over his parent's graves today.
      The stillness of the air
     was far greater than the few little
words that could have been spoken.
After a moment, he rose with a sigh,
wiping away several tears before
they could even leave his eyelashes.
     It was the first time I ever realized,
that one day,
  I too would be kneeling
over my parents,
devastated and speechless,
      leaving generations behind me
      with nothing more than
                   a faint
                          sigh.

I got lost
searching
for myself.
     I never
     expected
     to stumble
     onto you,
I never
knew we'd
cross paths.

You caught
me so
off guard
that I tripped
and fell
flat on my
back.

Now you
and I are
stuck here
trying to
find the words
to say
without ever
moving our
lips,

and I'm
starting to
feel as if
getting
back up
won't be
so difficult.

My mind is fighting my heart
But neither is going to win,
It's constantly back and forth,
And my patience is wearing thin.

I'm so tired and I want to sleep,
But my mind is not letting me.

I want to smile, I want to laugh,
But my heart is still under attack.

How much longer do I have to wait?
I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I never asked
for anyone to
bend over
backwards
or make sure
that I was okay.

I never asked
for the creaking
floorboards that
keep me awake
as I toss and turn
at night.

I never
wanted to be
stricken by the
fear that I can
never let go.

But I will.

Because I
never wanted
to hold on
in the first
place
and I never
wanted
a reason to
complain.

I never asked to
    be drunk;
    I planned
    on it.

The moonlight
shining in from
my fourth story
window
is fading
from the rim
of my glass,
so I can't
see what exactly
lies in front of me.

Making my way to
the bed so I can
rest once again
has become more
of a chore than
a peaceful thought.

Is it the
time for
priorities?
or is it
the time for
simple
things?

(14w)

I couldn’t
always be there.

It was as
simple as that.

And in a world
where everyone
  needs everything
to be at their
  beckoning call,

I just wasn’t
  good enough.

-Andrew Durst.

Some people want
nothing to do with you
until your success
becomes something
that they **envy

I just want people to notice that
I actually do care.
    I care about a lot of obstacles
 and a lot of people.

Maybe I'm trying to make up
for all the years of wronging and
misjudgment I put upon other
people.
               The same misjudgment
               and wronging
               that has been
               reflected
               upon me.

Honesty
      shouldn't
           hurt,
                      Neither should love.

         But things
     don't
           always go
 as planned.

I'm realizing that
I will always
discover something new
about myself.
Only if I can I keep an open mind
and try to find acceptance in the
things I cannot change.

I have so much more life
                                to live.
                     I cannot be afraid
         of wonder and risk.

Your eyes
are dark and
dull...

I could've
sworn they
were bright blue
when we
first
met.

People will believe
What they want to
Believe.
          It is not up to Us
To decide whether their
Beliefs
Are fact or fiction.
          So don't waste
Your time
Worrying about what
Other People's
Judgement and Concerns
May be.
          Because in the end,
    You're only left
With
     Yourself.

I'm another
textbook
definition
of what
the kids
shouldn't
be.

(10w)
-Andrew Durst.

What do you do when your
faith has been shattered?
When the very words that you have been dreading to hear have finally
been spoken?

What do you do when the
answers to your
questions
leave you more broken
and disassembled
than ever before?

I don't know...
and I cannot fight these tears
in my eyes any longer.

I must've
    been the
one
  that caught
you
   while you were
falling from heaven
   because it feels
like there's a
******* crater
   inside of my
         chest.

I'm sick
of constantly
being on the
back-burner.

I am not someone
you can just use.
I am not,
and never will be,
"the second best."

Give me your all
or give me
nothing.

I caught up with an old friend tonight.
And after a couple of laughs (and a decent amount of heart-breaking memories) I found myself left with this question:
"Is this life only about giving and taking? Can this really be the only thing that keeps our stone-hearts beating?"
And then it hit me, like a lighting-rod in the midsts of an electrical storm;
This life is about accepting and understanding that not everything will be golden on this yellow-brick road that we call life.
And in despite of it all,
you will be okay.

If I give to you
what you've
given to me.
Then we
would be
millenniums
swallowed
in eternity.

To live forever
is nothing more
than a curse.
and to live forever
without you
would be
so much worse.

I don't have much to say;
      there's not much I want to do.
I want to be
alone.
Not for the sake of
my sanity,
no,
but for the sake of
feeling whole.

I've never done well,
understanding things
like everyone else does.
my mind keeps turning gears
over and over
and over again.

At least when I'm
alone,
the confusion,
the stress,
the anxiety.
It all seems to
         go away;
I don't have to focus
on anything.
         And that puts me at ease.

I can't find the reasons, I keep asking why.
There's so much to life but we all fear to die.
Is it a gift or is it a curse?
We're so focused on success that we lose sight of our worth.

Ladies and gentleman,
there's something I really need to say.
We need to stop living for tomorrow
and start living for today.

The future is bold


         and out of sight.


                    You'll be all right...


        We'll be all right...

and the price
I am
willing
to pay,

I hope you
miss me
when I'm
gone.

I'm just floating in the wind.
Going
        wherever
                  I feel
      the need
                     to be.
I'm just floating in the wind.
     Trying
             to
              let
          my mind
             run
  
                                                                     free.

I have
   big dreams

        and a  
            realistic mind.

You
     can
  only
         imagine
               the
  frustration.

I'm discovering
that sacrifice
will always be
a necessary
part-of
life,
  and that
  the only time
  we ever
  gain-
  is when we
  have
  lost.

Broken,
lost,
hopeless.
We are all ghosts.
Yet we feel the pain, love, and hatred from others.
From everything we once knew.
They're more than just dreams
that never came true.
They're everything I've wanted
and so much more.
And if happiness is
making something
out of nothing.
Then I need to take this... This...
This... Feeling of
nothingness,
and fix what
shouldn't be
broken.

When every sound
          becomes silent
and my eyes
        become useless,

You'll
find me
going
mad.

And I know I'm not alone whenever I feel chills rush up my arms
and down my spine.
And I know that all of this time I've
spent by myself will not go unnoticed or in vein.
I used to believe that the burdens we carry and all of the things we have lost were just part of some elaborate game of give and take.
                    But I see now,
          and I believe now;
we are not the mistakes that
we made yesterday.

seems like
the
best
idea.

I'm not
going
anywhere,
and I'm
a fool
for
trying
every
****
day.

I never really traveled much;
that upsets me.
So I'll put my fingers on this modeled globe,
And travel across the world.
    In little to no time at all.

take my kindness
and throw it
back in my face.

Go ahead;
walk all over
me and use
me as you may.

Go ahead...
do exactly
what everyone
else does-

I'll remember
*all of it

just to get
so far,

and I just
want to be
right where
you are.

I’ve lost more than I’d wish
to lose
and learned more than
I’d like to.

This is what happens
when kids
grow up.

I am a product
of a broken boy
becoming a
measly man
in a
wallowed world
that has no room for

generosity.

The world will not end
with a spark
to the neck or a
chill
on the spine.

The world will not
die silently into
a night that
no good man
can bare.

The world will end
when the
human race
allows greed
to conquer
grace.

And my friends,

we are
well on our
way.

Maybe the
hard times
are over.
Or maybe
they've just
begun.

All I know is;
I have to keep
finding hope
in every tomorrow,
and inspiration
from all of
my yesterday's.

You started a fire
And walked away
As I burned,

I kept asking what you were doing
As you poured the gasoline,
Drenching the floorboards
Of my hope,

I didn't get much of a response,
Just a cheap apology
And a short good-bye
To what we could have become.

I knew when I first met you
That you would walk away,
But there was something so tempting
About dancing with your flame,

I took my chances,
         I kept up as long as I could,
But when I fell from physical exhaustion
Someone else stepped in to take my place.

Now, my body is almost entirely ash
And I'm watching you from afar
            Realizing that you left me
With more that just a scar.

An open
ear
that can't
be seen
will hear
all the
truths that
lie beneath.

Only the
past is set
in stone,
my friend.

You don't have
to continue
being the
person you
were
yesterday.

Just like the rusted
hinges
latched to the door
of my once
lively home,
and all the things
you never
cared to say.

    I'm barely
          hanging on.

I'm here,
The sun has set,
The moon sits behind the clouds,
The streets are deprived of light.

One street light flickers on and off,
My worries are heavy,
My strength is weak,
The world is at my door,
Luckily I'm not home.
I have a few more moments left,
I don't have to face it yet.

So where do I go from here?
I don't want to leave my fading light 
Even though the only way I'll move on
Is if I face my fears
And go forth into the dark 

Things lurk within the corners 
Scary things
Like
The truth
And 
Life

I can't believe I'm here
In the flickering light 
Deciding whether or not
To go back to my heart,
To walk forth into darkness,
Or to face honesty and spite
So I can be home again
With the world at my door
Finding the strength and hope
To let her in

But for now,
I'm still here,
The sun has set,
The clouds are passing
And the moon is starting to show,
Shedding light,
Hinting at what I should
Do.

Forever was just
an excuse
to be
close to you.

The way you
  walked was
    vivacious,
and the way
   you spoke
was taunting.

       When you walked into
       the room my eyes became
                     hooked...
           and the fixation
      continues to
manifest.