Forgive me
For i have sinned
I told my daddy to wait
Im gonna make it
But when?
I cross my heart and i hope to die
This life i live
Its all a lie
Look at my face
A happy smile right? or
Look in my eyes
Dont be scared
This is wheremy demons lie
Foegive me
For i have i have sinned
I haven't been myself
I pray for help
I want you to trade me shoes
See if you could walk a mile
Without wanting to die

I try not to cry
Father god this life i live
Im sorry i lied
I'm on my knees
Please forgive me
I ask for the thousandth time
Did you hear me?

No means no
It does not mean convince me
No
I do not want to get in the passenger seat
As a child
Throughout my teens
Harassment is engraved deep into my memories

Nap time
A touch over my jeans
The teacher did not mind
We were just kids, right?


No became a new word
with a new meaning
Flashbacks to heavy breathing
Your sweat dripping onto me
Singing my skin

At the age of six
When most kids are playing games and learning cool tricks
You harassed me with
Words i could not repeat
No means no!
Stupid boy get this through your head
Give it a rest
Silly girl, you're playing games
And this is chess
Make a move, what’s new
I’m always next
I think now, you must have been obsessed

No means no but
in your head it meant ***
No, please don’t leave us alone
I knew where this would go
Flashback to the sound of doors being locked
Give up
Your pants are already off

No does not mean convince me
But it didn’t prevent you from stealing my virginity
Engraved into my brain
A cookie wrapper
Just to be safe
I screamed no but
Silently
It was ****

You got it from your father
I know you did
The way you treat women
As if we are just objects
You are a hunter
I am the pray
You got it from your father
He made you believe it was okay
To keep hunting until you got your ****
I know it’s hard but swallow this pill
As a human you are a disgrace
To touch me in each and every place
When I was younger
You felt nothing but hunger
A hunter hunts
You got it from your father
Who let you believe
Women are just like a piece of meat
You took my purity
You haunt my sleep
I hope as your son grows old
Your father will not stay in memories

Today my heart aches
For my family
My friends
The times i could not
Make amends
The ache is so deep
It hurts to breathe
I can feel it in my bones
I pray my loved ones names
Will not be read on a tombstone
For my people
I wish that i could take away the pain
Like a drug
I'll be the needle
Anything to feel sane
Today my heart breaks and brakes
Screeching and screaming
It doesn't stop
I pray that my loved ones
Will not be lost
M.D

This time last year
It was you
who filled me with Christmas cheer
even though loving you isolated me like
Rudolf the rednose reindeer
Slipping on ice
I only saw you but
Isn't it ironic
How love is so blind
Never once did I see that
You would be my demise
Your love was like a drug
Increasing my dose
Never afraid of getting too close
This Christmas
my heart is empty and
the weather is still cold
I prayed for you last night but the devil grabbed my soul
The love that we had
turned to coal
Snow settled in my heart
In the spot you used to hold
The holidays are so full of cheer
This year
I opened a box of our memories
No love lies here
M. D.

"why are you so insecure?" repeat. repeat. repeat.
why wouldn't I be?
do you know the ache of being me?
I never learned how to love myself, and I've never really seen anything to love
It is only me. it's impossible to feel confident when you hate every inch of your body
to be trapped in my mind, is like being publicly criticized just like
Your worst dream, but every night
my disgusting body, the life I keep trying to find
and then ask again.
why are you so insecure?
This is no disguise
Try and see through these aching eyes

Oh my dearest enemy
It was my fate that you would
Put an end to me
In wars of
Love and Loss
I remain undefeated
But my dear enemy
You knew my sensitivity
Where I am most vulnerable
I suppose fate is meant to take it's toll
In one last war
You took your shot
There it goes, the only place
And fate becomes fate
My dearest enemy
You shot at my heart
And my biggest fear became real
You shot me dead
You found my Achilles heel

M. D