My body betrays me
Every day
But can I complain?
What can I say?
If I'm honest,
I've betrayed it myself.

Your broke your way into my heart
Like the ocean waves
Breaking along the shoreline
Quietly,
And loudly...
All at the same time.
Gradually,
But in one fell swoop...
And it went on and on.
Like the ocean,
I don't think it has ever stopped.
You worked your way into my heart
Like the tide
Ever increasing
     in intensity
     and in power
     and in volume.
But when high tide came
You gave your last wave
And it crashed into me
And washed over me
   And sent me falling
      and sent me tumbling
         And left me reeling to catch my breath.
But it's exhilarating
The not knowing
     Which way is up
     Or down
     Or left
     ...Or which way is right....
It's liberating
the warmth on my skin.
And even with the crash of the tide
I love even the thought
of you being at my side.
And I dream of diving in
to your deep blue peace
     and chaos
     and beauty
Into the deep blue unknown.
That's the beauty of it...
I don't know.

I'm sorry
You're beautiful
And you don't see it.
And I'm sorry
That nobody treats you the greatest.
I'm sorry
That it hurts
No matter how hard you try.
And I'm sorry that I can't be there by your side.
I'm sorry that my comfort
Comes seperated by hundreds of miles
And I'm sorry that with all the effort
We can all still see through the smiles.
I'm sorry that it's hard,
Pushing yourself all alone.
I'm sorry that you're struggling
And that it feels like you're on your own.

I'm sorry that it's difficult,
Living.
I'm sorry I could never be there
To pull the blade
or the bottle
out of your hands.
And I'm sorry
that you felt like
dancing
with Death
was your only real chance
at happiness,
       or your only safety,
       or your final release....
And I'm sorry that I wasn't okay with it.
Or Im sorry if I ******* up your life
       (or your death).
But I wasn't about to just let you end it.
I'm not sorry that I spent
The end of my year
Finding someone to find you.
Getting them to help you.
And I'm not sorry if it means you made it to this year.

I'm not sorry
Especially if
this finally shows you
that someone actually cares.
And I don't care
if I value your life more than you.
I've been there.
I'm not sorry if you feel betrayed
If it means you get to see another day.

I'm sorry if I ruined your secret
And I'm sorry if they pumped your stomach or something and I'm sorry if that ****** a lot.
But I'm not sorry if it means right now you're conscious.
I'm not sorry if you get to watch the sun rise and set again.

And I'm not sorry.
If all of this
means that you live
it was more than worth it.

I just want to know
What this is all about
I'm letting you in
But I think the door is open
So you can even more easily
let yourself out
I want to know what's on your mind
Because you might be something that I've been looking to find...
I mean You could be the glitter in my eye
But right now
You're just the reason
I stay up way too late
Thinking
And I think that's something I pretty much hate.

There's a war on
inside me
Raging on
And I'm fighting.

But I'm not free.
And never will be.
I battle my body...
So everyone can see
(Especially me)
that this war will not end in defeat