I don't know what to say.
I can't even explain to you how I feel.
I guess in simple words,
I feel used and abused.

You were everything to me.
I cared so much about you.
I gave you everything I could.

What was I to you?
Just some *** object you can use and abuse?
Just a *** object so you can fill your fantasies.

Did you even see who I was underneath my skin?
Did you see me as me?
Did you just hide me behind the images of your *******?

What was I to you?
Just some *** object you can use and abuse?
Just a *** object so you can fill your fantasies.

Well I got some news for you.
Listen to what I have to say real close.
I am human being.
I am a girl with a open heart.
You took advantage since I fell for you hard.
You broke my heart.

What was I to you?
Did I mean nothing at all?
Just a *** object you can use and abuse.
Just a *** object to fill your fantasies.

Your compliments mean nothing.
When I look you in the eye,
I can see that you just told me a lie.
I tried to hold on.
I guess I tried too hard for far too long.
I am finally to the point, where I am just numb.

What was I ever to you?
Just some *** object you can use and abuse?
Just a *** object to fill your fantasies.
That is what I was to you.

*** toy,
That is all I am to you.
One who will stay close to you.
A girl who is in love with you
but that is something you'll never see.
I am just the girl who ***** you.

A *** toy,
With beautiful looks and devil eyes.
I could pleasure you for hours
But your the type that only lasts minutes.

A *** toy,
I wish you would desire me.
Instead you just want to hurt me.
I cant take the *******.
I am not your fantasy.
Stop making me your *** toy.

A *** toy,
For when you are bored with your hand.
When you are feeling cold and alone.

A *** toy,
I can never say no.
As I lay there with my legs up in the air.
While you whisper all these ***** things inside my ear.

A *** toy,
You will never understand.
You just use me for your pleasure
To make your ******* fantasy.

A *** toy,
that is all I'll ever be.

**** ruined you.
It ruined us.

I thought it was me.
My fault.
I needed to change.

I did my hair, my make up.
I danced for you.
I dressed in lingerie and costumes but it was never enough.
I couldn't live up to lust.

Then I learned it wasn't me.
I was your love for *******.

Slowly this diminished my love, my respect for you.
Worst of all it destroyed me, and all my self confidence I had in my self.

I convinced myself,
*** isn't everything but everything else had seemed right.
Maybe we can learn together connecting emotion with action.

Conclusion ended up being your lack of desire for *** and intimacy with me. Could it be my fault?

**** was always just one click away from any fantasy.
I would confront you and express my concerns.
Trying to make the two of us work.

You only got better at hiding it.
*** became a struggle.
Neither of us could reach that ******.
All you could do was blame me.
Then I knew....
You had the case of the prisoners' hand.

Could I wear more makeup?
What about white tipped nails?
Maybe I needed breast implants.

Now you want role play and ***** talks?
If that wasn't enough could I consider *******?

I tried to wrap all this around my head.
Thinking maybe these things would work.
We could become a couple again.

You could never find satisfaction.
So there could be no compromise.
Soon I lost my interest in ***.

It never seemed to bother with you.
I grew angry towards you.
Things began to come violent.

You pushed me twisting my arms and wrist.
Then threw me on the hardwood floor.
As my wrist began to bruise and swell.

How I missed being loved and cared for.
How I desired beautiful and emotional just plain naked ***.

All I feel....is lying here depressed.

I'd rather stay in bed then walk into you.
Every time I see you I take a deep breath, Turn around, and walk straight to bed and begin to cry again.

I ask myself...
Why did I stay this long?
Why did I try so hard to fix something that was never there?

For 6 years.
I believed you loved me.
When in reality you were in love with ****.

I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the pain you put me through.

It's like a drug you put inside me.
Trying to keep me same
But instead your driving me insane.

I stayed up late last night
All because you started a fight.

I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the paid you put me through.
It's all because I stay with you.

I hang on by every word you say.
As I inject you straight to my veins.

The way you kiss me.
The way you move your hands around me.
It's so seducing.
I can not help but wanting more.
Without you I can feel my withdraws.
Breaking all of the laws.

I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
Even with all the pain you put me through.
I just cannot be without you.

The words of your mouth.
Hatred and anger.
The touch of your hand
Sends me a tingling sensation.

I keep going back to you.
Even though I say I am through with you.
As I inject you.
Withdrawls without you.
Is too much pain to handle.
I'd rather be with you.
Just hold my hand.
Please understand.

I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the pain you put me through
I still come running back to you.

I gave you my heart.
In return you broke my heart.
I handed it to you as a delicate flower.
You ran it over like a car going one hundred miles per hour.

I gave you everything.
Even my trust.
But you threw it all away for a thing called lust.

I believed every word you said to me.
Turns out it was just a lie you see.
I gave you a part of my life.
I wanted to be your wife.
Instead you just killed me everyday.
By all the harsh words you had to say.

All I want to do is pull out my aching heart
And tear it all apart.
Maybe then I could stop loving you.

I want to cry but I don't have any tears left.
I want to scream but I have no voice.
My body is numb.
This wasn't my choice.

I want to sleep
But you keep haunting me in my dreams.
I feel like I am trapped inside your scheme.

The way you look at me
Just makes me melt.
The way you say my name
Sometimes makes me forget about your little game.
The sound of your voice sends shivers down my spine.
Now I need some time to untwine.

I loved you so much but you didn't care enough.
How can I forget you?
Like you forgot about me?
How can I move on?
I am still in love with you Juan.

I want to break away from you.
I want to be free from you.
I just have to close my eyes
And wait until the pain dies.

As I stare into the mirror I begin to ignore everything I hear. I start to wonder what the world would be like if I wasn't here. There are some days I just wanna disappear.

I'd have no pain and no more worries. No need for a selfish man. I'm pretty content with just my hand. No complications just a different feeling.

I'm tired of crying. Im tired of cutting. I'm tired of a man I thought I loved. I'd rather just chop his **** off.

I'm angry and ******. There's no one to turn to. My boyfriend lays next to me thinking I'm at rest. I feel the movement of his hand that can't stop touching his ****.

All he wants is for me to fall asleep so he can ******* to his stupid ******* and that's just something I can not Handle. Just one more time and ill ******* leave.

I'm hurting inside. Please just **** me or bury me alive. My cuts become more deeper my heart becomes weaker. I just want this all to stop. Please just end this reality. Pain is just much too deep.

Everyday I think of him,
Wishing we were together again.
I don't know why I want him back.
When all I want to do is hate him but I can't.

He put me through hell and pain with
al the drinking and partying he did.
I was very mislead.

He said " I love you and I'd do anything for you."
It was just a lie he wanted me to believe.
I knew this could never be real.

I knew I was in love with him.
There was a point where all we could do was fight.
That was the time I ****** up my life.

I felt ashamed.
I felt it was mine to blame.
All I could do was cry in pain.
I want to hate him but I just can't.

10 months of us being together.
I knew there was no turning back.
Everything was to its end.

Soon after that,
I was hurt pretty bad.
I was extremely mad.
I couldn't believe he had cheated on me.

I cried and I cried.
I was to the point I wish I had died.
I hate him.
I hate him.
I don't wish he was dead.
When the truth comes out.
I was completely mislead.
I was in love with this man.
No matter how much pain I was actually in.

Why can't I just hate him?

I looked for a word to say.
   but I could not find one today.
I had hoped to find a word that would stay in your heart.
   That would show you exactly what tore us apart.

I hate what you did... I hate you so deeply.
I hate what you said... I hate you so passionately.
I hate what you made me... I hate you so sweetly.

I look at you and I cannot tell what is in your eyes.
   I speak directly to you but all that comes out of your mouth are lies.

I see how you hurt.
I see how you hurt me.
I just do not understand.

All your true feelings are kept and safely hidden in a far far away land.
   Is this a land we call love?
And now it is a destruction.
   A land God has made from above.
And now we call it seduction.

Its true in a way we both long for each other.
  But we both see to long for another.
Another human being we both thought we were
   But now it seems that this human being I thought you were is now a blur.

This is a bitter sweet heart
   That will end in eradication.
This is a bitter sweet part that needs some construction.

Why I hold on?
I do not know.
I probably will never know why.

I should move forward... Yes
But I feel like I would rather just die.

You caused obliteration deep into my heart.
You caused obliteration because you thought it was smart.

I hate what you did... I hate you so deeply
I hate what you said... I hate you so passionately.
**I hate what you made me... I hate you so sweetly

You rejected me when I offered you ***.
But here I walk into your ******* mess.
The ******* images were of little teens.
They legitally looked the age of thirteen.

I text you and confront you.
You replied and sounded so happy.
I just lost my mind.
I flipped.
I through all of your ****.

I punched things.
Kicked things.
Stabbed things.
I even cut and made my ownself bleed.

Finally I just screamed.
I fell down to my knees.
I kept asking god to just take me please.

Maybe someday I’ll stop crying.
Maybe someday I’ll stop breathing.
Maybe someday I’ll stop feeling pain but until then this is where my life lies.
I am with a guy who tends to lie and hide.
Who thinks ******* is an okay type of thing.
When he happens to be with me.

I am not okay with this.
I have broke his phone. Slapped his back.
I yell and I scream. I break things and make my own self bleed.

You don't understand and you sure as hell can't see.
How much you are hurting me.
Its me against the world of beautiful women.

You are never going to stop.
I keep asking you please but you keep pushing me away like I am a ******* disease. We fight about this all the time.
I don't know why and us still exists.

I am tired of crying and wondering why.
Is it because I can't satisfy?
Is something wrong with me?
Am I just not enough?
Please just tell me. I wanna be done with this stuff.
It’s me against the world of beautiful women.

I hate feeling this pain. It never goes away.
Wondering ever move you do.
Not believing a word of truth.
You have lied to me one too many times.

You see me cry. You see me angry.
You have the guts to ask me why?
After you just watched over 60 videos
of ******* and told me another ******* lie.

**** I just want to die.
Then I won’t have to deal with these unforgivable lies.
I hate *******.
I hate how it is more important to you.
Then I will ever be and until that changes.
I am here to say good-bye.

It is me against the world of beautiful women
and in the end I am losing.

I looked for love inside your eyes.
What I saw almost made me blind.

I saw a stranger.
He was cold, distant, evil, and revolting.
I looked for love inside your eyes.

Who am I that you are unable to make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I am not here with you?
Do I matter?

I am just a toy in this filthy play.
Not a human worth of tender and devotion.
Where are you?
How did I lose you?

As the years pass by
The monster inside your eyes becomes clearer to me.

You think I am just over reacting.
How can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else instead of making love to me.

I've found where you are.
I've seen the pictures.
As graphic as can be.
I now know what i takes to turn you on.
Women....people like me.
Tortured, humiliated,used and hated.
All these images burned into your brain.

Did you ever imagine (at age 12)
The first time your seen a ****** photo.
That you were dooming every aspect of intimacy.
Breaking the heart of someone you'd love.

If it all stopped here.
I could bear it.
Instead you brought the evil in and continued to feed it.
As I looked for love inside your eyes.

Hands printed, hair pulled
Looking the age of thirteen years old.
A simple photo
A simple video
Controling reality, distorting the woman in exaggerated *******.
As I looked for love inside your eyes.

The evil eyes
Windows of a broken soul.
Warped by the lens into the background of your phone.

Souls never matter
Only bodies do
To those me. Who consume it (just like you)
A image burned inside your brain.
A image I see everytime I close my eyes.

When does it end?

I can tell you this.
It has not ended.
It has eaten you up.
It spreads like cancer.
Can you feed off of hatred and anger?
Can you break free and learn to love?

You say words.
Just full of excuses.
Feeding your soul on poisen.

If only you could see what I see.
If only you could feel what I feel.

**** has destroyed our relationship.
Tell me.
Was it worth it??

I cannot decide which hurts more.

The pain from a sharp knife sliding across my skin left to right

Or from the pain from loving someone like you

Angry people,
And words of hate,
But when they say sorry.
It's already too late.

The words that burn.
The wounds they glisten.
I am sorry please just listen.

The burning lies in sorrow
That destroyed my will to face tomorrow.
The paper I folded
So neatly inside explains the life
I wish I never had.

Over and over it's the same everyday.
It comes to the point, where I can not stay.

I see the blade of a knife
Staring at me with sorrow
Written in words I see.

Now with the pain inside of me.
I take my life.
It's all over now.
That I've sealed my fate.

A word called sorry will come to late.

I gave you everything...
you took me for granted but I stayed by your side....
Especially the times you needed me most..
.I trusted you... You ******* lied to...
.******* I just caught you again again an again..
I can't keep repeating this ****....
It's tearing me to shreds...
You broke me down...
Now there's nothing left...
you hurt me worse than anyone....
I just can't do this ****..
you chose what was more important to you..
now I'm saying its the end of you and me....
cuz I'm finally through.

Maybe one day I'll stop breathing.
Maybe one day I'll stop feeling pain.
Maybe one day I'll find the answer to why but until then, here is where I lie.

I'm with a guy. He tends to hide and lie.
Who thinks it okay to kiss a *****, when he happens to be with me.
Oh by the way it is **** well cheating and this is the second time.
How many more times are you going to make my cry.

I know I'm not perfect.
I am quite far from that but why don't you notice the good and quit picking out my flaws.

I asked you why you are with me.
All you could say was I don't know.
Wow that just hurt me.

You don't see it.
You are blind.
You tell me everything is fine.
Why did you lie?

I can't take it anymore.
I don't deserve this.
I wanted to be treated with respect but no you'd rather check out other chicks.

You say I should be happy that you are looking and not touching.
That is a big fat lie.
You told a ***** you had a girlfriend  
Then you landed a passionate kiss.
Not caring how'd I feel.
Not seeing that I existed.

I know I have made mistakes.
Kissing a chick and grinding with two guys.
Don't worry I knew I was with you but I was looking for a good time.
You shouldn't be worried because you probably won't care.
You were too busy flirting and calling her your baby.
When I thought that was me.

The **** of you obsession is absolutely redundant.
That is more important to you than me.
Enjoy yourself while I am sleep.
I know that's when you decide to ******* because apparently I can not please.

When your not around I please myself.
I touch myself.
All you have to say is I knew I couldn't satisfy you.
Maybe now you see how I feel.

Looking at you and kissing you.
They are two different sides.
I am with you.
I can't believe you are mind but also I'm sick of this **** you do to me.
One more **** up and I'm through with you.

You have no heart like I.
So you should be fine and able to survive.

Peace.

She is sad but never frowns.
She is tired but still living.
She is ignored but still listening.
She is misunderstood but understands.
She is confused but sees the world clear.
She is a mess but does her hair.
She is stressed but finds relief.
She is distant but the end seems close.
She is judged but ignores.
She is alone but creates a friend.
She is hurt and the tears begin.
She is depressed and no ones around.
She is in pain and it never wants to go away.
She is screaming but is silent.
She is ****** up and cant think straight.
She is worthless and doesn't see a point.
She is afraid but find the courage.
She is suicidal and the world cant see it.
She is Dying.

She is me.

Everything is so black and grey.
I'm surrounded by all the reasons I cannot stay.
I've tried the drugs.
They take me away just for that moment of the day.
The alcohol stimulates me just a hangover in so much more pain.
The pain I feel never goes away.
No matter what I do.
It's always there to stay.
Maybe it is telling me I shouldn't be here today.
I've cried and I've cried with my blood shot tears.
It is hard to say what I will do next.
I'm im so much more pain.
I've overdosed on medication.
I'm surprised.
I should be in the hospital by now.
They would probably ask me too many questions as they examine me.
My body is bruised frome head to toe with cuts of blood here and there.
I'm im so much more pain.
I wish someone was still here to help me through my pain.
Everyone is gone.
They left me behind.
I'm in so much more pain.
I wanna know why I am still here.
All I wish is to go back in time.

One, Two
           I love you.
Three, Four
           Is your love unsure?
Five, Six
           He stops and clicks.
Seven, Eight
             Am I just a playmate?
Nine, Ten
              What is it then?

Ten, Nine
          Pass the wine.
Eight, Seven
           You left me heartbroken.
Six, Five
           I am trying to survive.
Four, Three
           I am so angry.
Two, One**
           I am Done.

You hide behind a mask.
Keeping the truth locked away.
This is so much that needs to be said in the things you never say.

You tell me our time is up.
We cannot go back.
I just don't want to believe it.
I believe you can change.
I feel like we can work this out.

The distance you have between us is a wall I cannot break down.
You continue to push me out.
You refuse to let me in.

My patience hangs by a thread.
But my love for you stays strong.
Real love doesn't go away.
It doesn't fade away.
It goes on forever
and always finds its way.

I cannot wait for a life time
until you to let me in and figure this out.
Your hidden by so much doubt.

Please tell me,
Are we going to work this out?
Are you looking for a way out?

Lets figure this out.

I ******* hate you.
I hate the **** you out me through.
What the hell did I ever do to you?
I don't deserve this.
I wanna be loved and treated with respect.
I'm not your ******* *****.
So stop treating me like a *******.

I can't believe I fell for you.
You put me through so much hell.
Your the kind of person filled with hate.
It's like you don't know how to love someone other than yourself.

I try to talk
You never listen.
You just continue to shut me out.

All I so is cry.
I cry because of you.
All you do is hurt me.
So why can't I be through.

I've been nothing but nice to you.
You still won't let me in.
You push me away.
I can't take the anymore.

I'm final ******* leaving you.
So *******.
Hope your happy now.