I wanted you to stay
and not to be scared away.

Just tell me you would still be my friend
if I ever where to go batty, loony
weird, crazy or delirious.

Tell me you would still be by my side
if I were to send hour long of voice notes,
text messages dictating stories
and emotions flowing out like a waterfall.

Tell me you would still care
if I were to become a extra version of myself,
feeling more sensitive and deep than my usual self.

Tell me you you wouldn’t judge me by your eyes,
rumor me away by your tongue.

I wanted you to tell me,
and actually mean it.

We don’t put a label on it
Because we don’t want to fit
And commit.

We keep it fun and chill;
Nothing serious
No consequences
No future
Nothing romantic
Trying to keep it platonic.

Doesn’t it sound ironic?
Because I am frantic
About you, boy.

Trying to be ice cold
Pretending we are something,
when we’re nothing.
I am losing my mind.

You play these games
Trying to make me insecure
About all these other girls.

So I play along
Because it’s love,
Maybe not long lasting
But real.

But we’re just spiraling
No end; not infinite
I guess I can not pretend
For I don’t want to be this type of girl.

I want to us to burn;
Our hearts to yearn
Our souls to learn.

I want attachment,
Security and stability.
I want it to be long lasting
And not a temporary fling

Don’t leave me for him. Don’t abandon our years of friendship for the man you just met. Don’t let him blind you to the extent I am invisible and deafen you to the degree my secrets no longer reach your ear.
But I guess my plead is too soft and late to be heard. Because now I am here clinging on to my heart and tasting the salty tears that roll down my cheeks. I am here reminiscing all the memories we made the time only the two of us spent together. My heart aches with every message you ignore and every outing you ditch me for him. You are fading, our friendship is withering and my loneliness is just deepening. You are my everything but it seems I am no longer yours anymore. You’re my first, but it seems I am no longer yours. For your secrets never find a way to my ear and time in my life.

- I never knew the inseparable could be separable

Here comes the friend who calls, to use me.
Here comes the friend who plans, to ditch me.
Here comes the friend who messages, to lie.

You don’t matter no more
For I no longer want be hurt any more.
So take your pain
that you wrap as presents,
Because I no longer want it no more.

Don’t you keep calling me babe any more
Don’t keep calling me your best friend any more
For it no longer means anything no more.

Because these words
are just labels that mean nothing anymore.

Nothing matters anymore
No one understand me no more
So leave me
Desert me
Lie to me
Ditch me
Use me
Betray me
It no longer matters to me anymore.

Beauty for me was measured by numbers and shade. The shade of my skin. The number on the scale, the size tag on the shirt, the number of compliments and the number of likes. Social status was defined by the number of followers. And I myself defined through the eyes of others and opinions. But beauty was so much more. It wasn’t all about being beautiful. It is about the words you speak. It is about what you read and watch. It is the cerebral stimulating conversations you hold. It is the way you burn heart with brilliance and engulf heart with compassion. It is the sweetness in your laughter and the humor in your quirkiness. It is the things you stand up for and the things you love. It is the way you are random and weird. It is the way you sow your own garden and give flowers to yourself and others. It is the way you lose yourself in your passions and the way you’re so driven to your goals. It’s all the intricacies of your heart, mind and soul. For there is beauty in all the little things that made you, you. Most of all there is beauty in the way you see, love and care for yourself, because all along you never needed to convince anyone or fit in to the words written to be beautiful. And accepting yourself for the person you are is the most empowering and beautiful thing you can do.

When you say sorry;
When you start to care
Emotions are set in motion
Thoughts, pain, memories come crashing back
Seeping through the cracks
that I never knew existed.

I never knew I was broken from within,
Until I felt my emotions bleeding through the edges.
I never knew my thoughts were suppressed,
until they came crashing down upon me like turbulent waves.
I never knew I was sad,
until I tasted the pain that was rotting like venom in the corner of my brain.
I never knew darkness brewed within me,
until it diminished the light within as it stretched over the bright sky.

Your presence awoke the darkness.
I thought it was harmless
until it drove me into being heartless.

Now there is emptiness
and only sadness.

Your presence awoke insanity;
driving me batty
and a little scatty
leaving me ratty.