Why do I do things that I regret later on
Why do humans run into the their own traps
Day by day

I know I’m committing a sin
Then I just leave the scene
Feeling ashamed of myself

How do I look into the mirror
When I see it laughing at me: It was your fault!
I’m never gonna forgive
‘Cause I am now *****, guilty

He never cares
How would she feel
If only she knew
What he’s done to her and what I’ve done to her
It hurts like hell, I’m burning in hell

The liquid pain looks at me with my own face
What’s there to fight for when I’m just my own trace
My reflection shouts at me she begs me to differ
Asks me to stop but we don’t know each other

My blood paints a rose of the death on the floor
I’m dripping from sorrow don’t want this no more
The scent of the iron and silk of red water
Colour of love flows out as I suffer

I judged them too hard when I heard on the news
Thinking that sadness is just an excuse
I thought I would never betray family
But this darkness is bigger than reality

Contemplating if it’s worth it
Calling the line or just end it
Silver sharpness invites me to dance
Drawing on my skin it’s final sketch

I photograph myself
In the mirror 
I’m beautiful 
And I see no error 

For too long 
Had I believed 
That if I changed 
I’d be relieved 

But this is me
Naked, imperfect 
Wrinkles of life 
They are not signs of defect

Little girl wasted time 
By feeling so low 
For she was too blind 
To see this glorious glow

There was a child called happiness
Living his life to the fullest
Having the whole world in his hands
Thinking this feeling just never ends

But he had a twin called sorrow
Always walking by his side like a shadow
Showing pain at its worst
The misery of lost dreams ******* hurts

They were growing together
But hated each other
Why are you my enemy
When you could be my brother

I can’t bear this life
Anymore, shouted happiness
Not with you by my side, no
You hurt me and laugh at me  
Every time you meet me

You can’t exist without me
In this cruel world
I hit and kick you to make you stronger
To give you the eyes to see more clearly

Why don’t you understand
One day you’ll be thankful for that
But you can’t make me disappear
You’d better accept that this is how fate works
You should learn to love me cause I’m the reason you are shining…

Silver threads
Between our hearts
Stretching them out
When far away

Close to break
The further we go
Loosening
As we come back

Golden clock, slowing down time
When we’re apart
Running it fast
While holding it

In between our fading arms
Hugging an illusion
Marrying hope
Then losing it

Hanging on, I can’t no more
Loving you
Gives me pain
In the heart, unbearable

Little heart beats
Constant hammer
In construction
Sonogram panic

Circle of stones in the water
You caused the ripples 
Will you anger the waves too 
While I am drowning  
Resuscitate me 
With air from the old lands

I doodle pictures
On your arm
Will you ink them
On your heart

The curse of being the youngest is that
They don’t recognise their own dysfunctionality
How abnormal is their normal
Convinced about the truth
Yet less knowledge means less empathy
Leading to laughing at you for being you
The younguns should look up
Yet they are the highest
Psychological warfare of the ancestors
Why this why that questioning us
While we question the world not them
****** up wisdom is theirs
But we have clear voyance, crystal
I talk to myself because I can hear me
And they can’t. Won’t ever…

Cat on a
        leash
Leftover
        food
Gulls screech on
        scraps
Dirt on
        dishes

Clicking clutter    
        of mind
Ticking thoughts
        thrown around
Buzzing brain
        bugs beating
Anxious sadness
        settles in

You ignored the ‘hoax’
Another dead child 
Consequences of
What you conspired 

Voting for that 
Who’s coming on TV
Watching the news, all those lies
But you don’t believe me 

You think climate change 
Is just fake news 
You laugh at the #metoo
And ****** abuse 

Stuck in your own head 
Misguided yet sure 
That all you have faith in 
Is true, you don’t need more

I play this game from time to time
Giving you all that’s me and mine
Without any shame but an open mind
I am the one who is always kind

Now it’s different, I feel this time
I have no fear of falling down
My trust in you, and yours in me
Or is it just fake, but how could it be

And it happened again, you let me down
I was needed ‘til you got your crown
I got used to being used but I don’t worry
Another you will come around so easily

It could be done so differently
Only if you could see

a pair of
mismatched socks
we wear each other
mixing colours

an item from a
second hand shop
more unique than  
the same new ones  

only we see the
rainbow on an old
black and white
television

i love
the darkness
in you
it’s the most real
thing about you

rain is
drinking tea
in the company
of my wrinkled soul

reflected on trees
my shadow is a giant
waving on the bark

campfire player
who loses identity
without audience

no talk all day long  
but i sing and won’t notice
that’s my way of life

wild flowers blooming
like there is no quarantine
while we’re in mind jail

quiet kissing in
quarry, diamonds less shiny
than your bright heart light

if i sing a dirge
during feticide, is it
mercy to ******

wrinkled moments come
with the morning drowsiness
your coffee eyes fresh

dear father i’m scared
you will turn grey by the time
i see you again

i swim in the Sea
of Depression,
it’s Free...

i wallow in the Gorges
of Sadness,
it’s Gorgeous...

then,
Anxiety.
cramped, Aggressive,
shake Panicky.

i run in Circles
claw my face
can’t breathe
lose my Faith

...and sense of reality
as it IS.

Whispers in a scattered household 
Cobwebs hiding tragic secrets 
Spiders eavesdrop, hear all the lies 
Don’t cry, calm down, all will be fine 

I can’t hear
The voice of my grief from the noise of the world
It lies underneath 
The needless advice of those who stayed here 

Blood was the last thing you coughed up 
Instead of words from your mouth, but 
I still did not believe that you just 
Left us when you fought so hard...

I saw myself on the ground 
Disassociated 
In disbelief I denied 
Empty and dead-hearted

I imagined the world is void
Empty with no one to avoid
No colours or smells
Fears or worries
Just vast nothingness
Or not even that

How close can I get without being hurt
Should I be open-hearted or cautious
Giving myself to others or hiding behind my mask
Never knowing my limits, but I don’t know yours either

Pain or safe, oh which to choose
Will you hold my hand, even when I’m wrong
Or push me away

Don’t wanna feel shame next to you
I hate myself already
Looking for love in other hearts
Maybe there’s some left for me

Unconditional and forgiving
Here I am naked and honest
Not living or denying anymore

Your choice is upon you
I’m not gonna beg or pretend
Tired of being someone else
Time to look for myself
Time to find my consciousness

War in the womb
Your death or mine 
****** if not kept 
Suicide if it is 
Either way
Agony

We drank up the wax
From the candle we burnt 
We swallowed the heat 
Of our fight and it hurt 

We mislead each other 
And lied from the start 
Pretended we’re fine 
Hid our bleeding heart 

We blur out everything 
Nothing’s untouched 
I call you names 
I see your fist tightly clutched 

We spit fire at each other 
We act like animals 
We eat each other alive 
Just like real cannibals

Why do you ask
Why I cry

Like I need a reason
Every time

As if the world’s weight
Is not enough
On its own

Each tear is a scar
Which covers a wound