I once thought about my best friend
I was thinking of our friendship, was it going to end?
I don't know what a true friendship is now
I'm just sure it means more than a queen's bow
I thought I just had one kept safely in my hand,
but I what i didn't know was that it could also break as easily as a generic rubber band.
You know what? I'm done.
because this friendship is no longer fun.
She didn't stay by my side
so I cried and cried.
She never defended me,
but still, I let my anger set free.
She repeatedly stabbed my back.
I ask myself, "What is the skill in a relationship I lack?"
She was a pretender
So I never knew if she meant to really surrender.
She was careless,
and couldn't be anymore reckless.
She was once my friend.
"I'm sorry," I say to her. 'This relationship can no longer extend.'

I cry so much, but I'm still not able to drown myself.
I cut deeply, but the blade never gets in contact with a vein.
I rage so much, but I never explode.
I lie, but people never seem to notice the sorrow in my eyes.
Why is that?

I waste so much energy,
I hope too much,
and I try to drive myself to the end.

I try even harder this time,
overdosing, cutting, exploding, fainting,
but none of them seem to work.

But just when my trashed life sorts itself,
my heart fails, I fail.
I'm regretting everything I have done to make this thought of death come to reality.

Why am I living?
What should I do?
Why am I here?
What is life all about?
What is the purpose of existence?
Does life even exist at all?

People say I live for God.
People say I'm here to make a difference in the world.
People say I'm here to enjoy life.
People say it's the best gift each and everyone one of us has received.
But you know what?
I feel like I'm living to satisfy others instead of myself.

What does it feel like to be controlled by just anybody who feels the power to?
Do you feel like paper controlled by the wind?
They are able to overtake you for what they knew.
Everyone wishes it wouldn't be so emotional.

No matter what, keep your head clear.
Be able to conquer your caged feelings.
You must know there will always be a happy ending
to that cherished life of yours.

Face the cruelty with confidence and kindness towards other people.
For what I know, they'll soon fade away.
They never finished the "complete life" finish line.
I am a strong, independent person, and that's all you have to say.