I once thought about my best friend
I was thinking of our friendship, was it going to end?
I don't know what a true friendship is now
I'm just sure it means more than a queen's bow
I thought I just had one kept safely in my hand,
but I what i didn't know was that it could also break as easily as a generic rubber band.
You know what? I'm done.
because this friendship is no longer fun.
She didn't stay by my side
so I cried and cried.
She never defended me,
but still, I let my anger set free.
She repeatedly stabbed my back.
I ask myself, "What is the skill in a relationship I lack?"
She was a pretender
So I never knew if she meant to really surrender.
She was careless,
and couldn't be anymore reckless.
She was once my friend.
"I'm sorry," I say to her. 'This relationship can no longer extend.'

I cry so much, but I'm still not able to drown myself.
I cut deeply, but the blade never gets in contact with a vein.
I rage so much, but I never explode.
I lie, but people never seem to notice the sorrow in my eyes.
Why is that?

I waste so much energy,
I hope too much,
and I try to drive myself to the end.

I try even harder this time,
overdosing, cutting, exploding, fainting,
but none of them seem to work.

But just when my trashed life sorts itself,
my heart fails, I fail.
I'm regretting everything I have done to make this thought of death come to reality.

Why am I living?
What should I do?
Why am I here?
What is life all about?
What is the purpose of existence?
Does life even exist at all?

People say I live for God.
People say I'm here to make a difference in the world.
People say I'm here to enjoy life.
People say it's the best gift each and everyone one of us has received.
But you know what?
I feel like I'm living to satisfy others instead of myself.