i want to be your saturday morning coffee

every touch was a taunt

your hand behind your back
palm up, touching
touching her hand, her back, her hair

i tried to look away but i couldn't help it
i am drawn to you
      like a moth to light
      like black & white

there is no grey in what i feel for you

foggy concert lights echoed euphoria

dancing alone
dancing with him
in my mind,
we were one in that moment

so far apart, yet so close
a distant day dream

a dream we were at that concert together,
swaying to the melody, grasping on to each word like they meant something
like i meant something
like i could ever mean anything to him

The fog in the lights echoed euphoria

You,
dancing to the beat of the drum in an open space

Me,
wanting  to dance within your space
Sway to the melody with your hand in mine
With your hand on my waist,
With your hand in the air
singing along to every word

If I closed my eyes it’s like we were

You,
standing there a few inches away
Me,
wanting so badly to grab your waist,
               your hand

and sing along to every word

Growing up your parents always made sure you knew that they loved you. Mom would walk up the stairs and say, “ Goodnight, i love you” and you would respond, “love you more” and a fight about who could possibly love the other more would endure.

These days, I know she loves me, but its not said as much. We don't fight about who says "i love you more" last.  She doesn't know me as well as she used to. She doesn't see what I’m going through. She’s blinded by the fact that she "loves me to the moon and back "

and she feels like that should be enough..

I can't remember the exact words you uttered into my ear that night on the phone. All I remember is the feeling i got, i was giddy. I think you said, “my birthday wish is for you to get here now” but i also think maybe you said “yall” and i just hoped you meant me..

I’m scared that I’ll let you down
That I won’t be what you need me to be
I won’t be what you think I am
I’m scared that I could never be fully vulnerable with you, emotionally or intimately
So, I’ll take my cowardly heart and save you from the heartbreak that is bound to come out of this

Love
Love-less- lacking love in both the secular and the divine way
Love- who needs it
Love- who craves it
Love- who poured her heart out on the side of the road
Love- who mustered up the courage to say how she felt
Love- who, despite what her so called friends would think, fell for you
Love- who cries at night just thinking about all the opportunities she had
Love

Wanting you would be a death wish but
I'd cross the river styx and look the devil in the eyes
just to know your every thought...

On the 7 ways to make your partner fall in love with you list one stuck out in my mind. "Stare into each other's eyes for four minutes without saying a word," it read. So here I sit, staring into the eyes of my reflection in the mirror hoping that maybe if I am able to stare long enough I will begin to love myself. I'll notice my favorite attributes and learn to love my flaws. However, within 30 seconds of locked eyes, my vision was blurred as I began to sob. Within those 30 seconds I came to the realization that I do not love myself and I'm finding it hard to believe that I ever will.

All of our awkward glances never seem to go unnoticed. In a city I barely knew, with people I barely knew, you made your move. At the time, I was nervous and worried about the gossip that would endure so I rejected your kiss and terribly regret it.

Now you seem to be unable to make eye contact except for that night we stayed up til 5 am talking about life

So maybe I'll just avoid your gaze so that maybe I can catch my breath and make a move myself but that was until I saw another girl's arms around your neck and wanted so badly someone's arms to be around mine, suffocating me.

No one will ever love me
No one will ever count the constellations of freckles on my body
No one will ever hold me close and whisper they love m e
No one will discover the galaxies hidden beneath years of heartache
No one will ever beg me to stay
No one will ever love me

You made me feel like dusk makes me feel
Happy yet sad
Sure yet uncertain
Secure yet insecure

You were the light coming through the window but
I was so oblivious, I turned on the light

These days flirting is through Instagram likes and Tinder swipes

A word often synonymous with depression. Are those lonely, depressed? Or are those depressed, lonely? It's the classic which came first? the chicken or egg question. Am I depressed because I'm lonely? Or am I lonely because I'm depressed?

I've lost you, I know I have and I tried, I tried to find you again but with all the destruction in this world, I'm hesitant to believe in any power. A God of destruction is not a God I want to follow. However, as I sit here, lost beyond belief, I realize this is not your doing. Yes, the world is ******, but you are not a God of destruction.

I am here, I am ready to be your servant.

Go ahead! Keep showing up in my life. Don't mind me, this knife has been here long enough. I'm starting to get used to it. I like the pain. It reminds me I'm human. It reminds me that I am capable of feeling something.

I am lost. A loose petal in the wind, ripped from a flower by a beautiful boy. He loves me not.

I never imagined Hell to feel like this

I used to pinch myself every time my mind wandered to you.
I thought, maybe, the feeling of pain would make me stop thinking about you.

It didn't.

I'm starting to enjoy it.

It is ever so peculiar how the daylight makes me feel tired while the moonlight makes me feel ALIVE!

Tonight I am Atlas.
Forever burdened by the weight of the world.
I stay there, with the weight of the sky on my shoulders unable to shake this pain,
this agony,
this total devastation.

I hugged you like I loved you.

I whispered "this is nice, isn't it?"

You replied, "yes, yes it is."

Then I woke up.

Something with fate and the day it was sealed. Go back to a time where I could have changed his life and he could have changed mine. The day when I saw him standing alone. I was a coward. Still am.

His touch reminded me of one of those prominent hand touches in period pieces, He hugged me and his hand lingered on my bare back for just a second or so, but wow! it felt as if it meant so much more!

As the rain falls, so do I.

With every drop, I fall deeper and deeper into an internal depression.

My soul aches for the loss of what if and the agony that has followed

I met you fours years ago today and here I am, having the same thoughts, still wanting to know every single ******* thing about you.

Having insecurities is so ******* exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop comparing yourself to others.

I dreamt of you last night in all my drunken glory. I can't seem to escape you. I usually don't dream when I'm drunk, but for some reason you were there, you're always there. I'm trying to get over you. I'm trying.

Don't say I'm hot. Don't say I'm beautiful. Those words mean nothing to me. Just words used over and over to win a girl's heart.

I see it happen everyday.

You won't win mine with such trivial words, trust me. You will never win my heart. It will never belong to you.

I am not hot, I am not beautiful.

I am the stars in the sky, I am the unexplored galaxies of the universe.

Slowly, we are becoming adults and we have no choice.
We are cursed with growing old
It's quite depressing
We have no way of stopping it
We have no choice
We are destined go grow old
There's no turning back
Theres no point in fighting it
How could you even fight it?
It's inevitable
We live our lives how we are told
Graduate high school, go to college
Get a job, get married, have a family
Everyone's end goal is the same
It's strange that everyone can be so different, yet we are all destined to the same fate:
Death

First touch
You were drunk and I was sitting next to your date. You sat on her lap, and as you did you ran your hand over my knee.
Second touch
You were drunk and you were talking to my friend. You noticed me and touched my face to get my attention.
Touch three
You danced with me after I stole your beer from you. You offered to buy me one but i declined. I told you to remember my name and I didn't think you would.
Touch four
Saw you at the party, we made eye contact and you went for the hug. You said "Hi" and I couldn't help but smile.
Touch 5
You hugged me and then I took you to see a dog you said reminded you of yours
Touch 6
A party. You gave me a full hug. No awkward side hug,full hug. I died inside cause I wasn't expecting it. You even told my sister hi.
Touch 7
Not really a touch, but my heart felt it. You dipped your head into our conversation and said hi and smiled in the cutest way I've ever seen a boy smile. If It was possible, your smile could end all hatred in the world.

I think when I cry about you, it's not
my heart that's crying, it's my soul.
Each day you get further away and each day a little piece of my soul is torn away.
Our souls miss each other. Mine just wants to go home.

If I can't stop thinking about you, I will get a rope, tie it around my neck and jump off the highest building. Because even strangling myself seems like a more tolerable pain than this.

You had just as many chances to talk to me last night as I did. It's obvious you had no desire to. I'm just surprised it took me so long to finally see it. I've spent too much time with you in my head. Now it's time to let go of the imaginary you and face the real you. It's crazy how deceiving the mind can be.

Those who have it are a dying breed. If only mine could die.

I pray every night that I forget about you. Who am I kidding, I'm not the praying type

Boys have feelings too.
Boys have feelings too.
Boys have feelings too.

I think I am finally free.
I've spent the last three years imprisoned by the thought of you and me. I've dreamt of what our lives could be, what we'd name our first dog and I don't even know your middle name.
I'm finally letting go of you.
I'm finally ready to let my heart out of captivity.
I'm done being a slave to what could have been, what we could have been.