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Lori Nov 2018
And it was 1 am when i was clinging to myself and holding on my heart as tears streamed down my face and traced a path i had always known to be normal. For hurt was normal and this was just a 1 am tradition.
Lori Jan 2019
Love
A 1 syllable word
Commonly described as something you feel right in your heart, like a warm sensation, as if someone has held it.
Love
How do you know what it is
Where does it even come from
How can i know if its true
Love
Such a dillusion
A pathway to heartbreak
Love
A tangled up mess of every good feeling one could feel and horrible things no one would want to see
Love
A crazy, unstable, out of control yet beautiful rollercoaster
Love
An embodiment of the galaxy, full of beautiful stars but also destructive astroids
Love
Something I can't put into words, even though I'm really trying to
Love
Something that has destroyed me but built me back up again
Love
An inexplicable one syllable word
Love
What really is love
Lori Nov 2018
Life
Death
An unending cycle
One closes his eyes and his heart beats dim as the shrieking of a new born shakes the worlds of people who waited so long for a soul to be born and granted.
As if there was a string tying these two together.
As if a forbidden love between the two extremes that just makes a beautiful explosion.
Its like the saints and the devil are holding hands waiting for someone to say his final words and for someone to wish for a new blessing to be granted.
I am in awe as i see tears on both the cheaks of a mother holding her new born child and a child holding her mother begging her to come back to life.
It is such a wonder how death and life are interwined in such a beautiful piece of art that people don't stop looking at.
Its like they complete eachother and they make the other somewhat more worthy. For what would be life if it were forever and what would be the light if there were no darkness. It is a cycle of hurt and happiness and tears that always has an end and a begining which are so far away yet touch in a way nothing else can
Lori Nov 2018
You walked me through the drakness your hand in mine, and protected me from the devil, let your light shine.
Lord you have saved me, took me in as your child, and now with my faith i have reconciled.
Your arms of comfort always around, and i am finally safe and sound.
You have never been less than what is more; you are more than what we deserve, more than what we ask for.
I am blessed to be accepted by you our God, even though i am heavily flawed.
For even if one is a sinner, your strength is always within her.
And for that i humble myself before you my lord, you're the purest treasure humans can afford.
And finally I sit hands together eyes shut, asking you to do what humans cannot.
Forgive me and my friends for our oblivion , and take us in into your heavenly kingdom
AMEN
Lori Nov 2018
He traced her skin and kissed her neck
It was a perfect love story
He held her hands and smiled at her
As if it was a perfect love story
He marked her skin and held her tight
It seemed like a perfect love story
But words deceive and soon you'll see that It wasn't a perfect love story
He held her captive in his room
It wasn't a perfect love story
He forced himself on her skin
It wasn't a perfect love story
He said it was fine but it never was
It wasn't a perfect love story
And he took a piece of her every time
It wasn't a perfect love story
The pain he caused never stopped
It wasn't a perfect love story
And it felt as if she was stuck
It wasn't a perfect love story
Stuck with a demon in her house
It wasn't a perfect love story
It wasn't a perfect love story
It wasn't a perfect love story
It wasn't love at all
Lori Nov 2018
And your sweet taste paralyzed me for now i was a puppet in your game of love
Lori Apr 2019
life
/lʌɪf/
noun
A rotten hole of indescribable pain
How will i ever get through
Lori Jun 2018
"A strong girl doesn't cry,
A strong girl doesn't cry"
She whispered to herself as tears stained her cheek, trying to stop it from the pain it caused, trying to convince herself that she shouldn't have cried, but it didnt stop. With every tear that streamed down her icy skin she felt as if a curse had been carved on her heart. She felt as if the more tears she shed the less strong she was and the less strong she was the less her worth was and she already had low self esteem so when she thought of herself as worthless she sunk to the ground. And when she was low in the ground drowning in her own tears, losing herself to her own self and barely breathing, she felt heartless, emotionless, numb...
Yet she still continued to whisper to herself:
"A Strong girl doesnt cry ,
A strong girl doesn't cry "
But if she only knew how strong she was to endure the torture that suffocated her and the pain she felt with every tear that leaked out of her broken soul.
● a letter from the numb girl ●
Lori Nov 2018
She was barefoot in the meadow her toes interwined with the grass. She could feel them brushing her feet and it sent shivers up her whole. She sat on the green landscape staring at the Horizon. She didn't feel the best, but the soft breeze washing her face with life gave her a glimpse of hope. She lied down on the ground her thick hair scattering on the floor then she stared up at the sky and smirked "I feel as blue as the sky" she whispered to herself almost feeling happy, but it didnt last. She sat up straight and looked around. Closing her eyes she held herself. Such a beautiful world for a girl this broken.
She was too broken
Lori Nov 2018
The tiles of my bathroom floor make friends with my demons as i sit there and cry wanting to die. i look at myself and all i can see is a broken down reflection of what used to be so whole. So i sit on the floor clutching myself as i break down to pieces i will never find.
She was so broken that she couldn't piece herself together anymore
Lori Apr 2018
There was a crack in her soul and you could see the universe peaking out. You could see the stars in her eyes and the way they shined even though she was broken and torn. Even though her heart was covered with the thorns of the last withering rose she carried inside. She was just a girl with a big heart in which a fire grew devouring her feelings and burning her alive. You could see that she was one of a kind and that her soul had more wonders than every galaxy combined, but those wonders were a reason of her broken pieces that she held in her hand. Strong enough to carry on but at the same time ready to give up and give in to the flame inside her. You could easily see from her eyes that she was hurting. You could see the stains on her cheeks that her tears had left as they streemed down her skin the night before. What has this horrific world done to her? Why is she on the verge of sinking into a sea of trechory and pain? And all those answers unanswered you could see that there was a crack in her soul and in the universe inside there was a black hole ******* her in, and her slowly fading away.
●a letter from the numb girl●
Lori May 2019
I dont think people quite understand the concept of depression.
Sadness, they say.
If it were to be sadness, one would say i am sad instead of i am depressed.
And honestly the way i would like to describe depression is a friend.
That one toxic friend
holding your hand
chaining you down
never leaving you alone
making you feel incompatible with yourself
making you lose all sense of happiness and freedom from within yourself
Making you desperate for an ounce of love from anyone just so your heart can feel alive again
Making life as a whole seem so empty
Making life as a whole seem so worthless
Making you as a whole so sorrowful
And turning everything you knew to be, upside down.
Depression is one of my best friends
Lori Nov 2018
Different shades of souls so beautiful when they united and so dangerous when ripped apart. It was always and never when they became one and that was the key of it all
Lori May 2018
My heart was carved with curses of hurt and its flowers were withering dead
My soul was hurting as it was being tortured and crushed in the hands of my own self
My brain was drowning in the pool of sorrows that i had placed myself in
I was crying as every single tear would stream down my cheek and would burn my skin
The demons were inside and they were urging
They were trying to get out, trying to escape
I was trying so hard to conceal and keep them inside for i had put them there
I was trying so hard to not let them consume me
But i couldnt destroy what i had created i couldnt get rid of the black hole inside
the demons crushed me and conquered
They started to **** and **** and **** and **** and ****
I just couldn't help it i just wanted it to stop
I thought the mess in my heart would stay inside where it had always been
But the demons were fast enough for me to self distrust
And Just like a star that self destructs i exploded
The worries the sadness the pain consumed my body
My fingertips were tingling and my whole body felt it
The demons were out and they wouldn't stop
They kept stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing
And just like a dim star i faded away to the sound of my soul
The sound of it yelling and telling me to run away
Telling me to not stay where I'd explode and hurt every other day
Telling me to be happy and just ignore the horrible demons
But i couldn't do what it was telling me to because i didnt notice but i was the demon
I had kept the sadness and the greif inside for too long and it had built up to be something i couldn't contain
It being a part of me i couldn't control its power against my tortured self
I would try to run away from it but how could i run away from my own self
And when i couldn't find an escape and i just couldn't be happy anymore all i could do was fade away
Fading away to a new world leaving my body and my own soul behind
I faded away.
● a letter from the numb girl●
Lori Dec 2018
I dont understand how someone who shares my flesh and blood can be as toxic as a gunshot aimed straight to my head
Lori Sep 2018
And the flowers on my skin showed the world how beautiful i was when they bloomed after being watered by my cries
Lori Mar 2019
Love
A strange concept for someone who's never felt it within herself
And even a stranger one to apply
How can i love when my heart has never seen a bright day
How can i love when with every breathe i take i achingly search for love itself
How can i love when i dont know how to
So forgive me my lover
Forgive me my brother
Forgive me my friend
For my heart has no room for another
For My heart is too full of pain
For I  do not know how to love
How can i forgive myself, for i do not know how to love
Lori Nov 2018
She spent so much time talking with the trees that she interwined with its branches and turned to a gentle giant keeping eyes on goings of far below.
She interwined with nature and it became a part of her whole
Lori Nov 2018
she climbed her golden throne and sat with power clinging at the tips of her fingers and anger pouring out of her sight. She took a breathe and you could see from the way she was moving that she was an embodiment of strength and that the roses that covered her kingdom were just beautiful thorns hidden behind a diversity of colors. And she was a reflection of those roses, fierce but hidden behind her miscellany of beauty.
She was beautiful but she was even more strong
Lori Jan 2018
A part of me wants to die
All I do is sit and cry
It pains me every other day
And the horrid stains will always stay
I dont really know what to do
Because the pain is just like glue
It Stabs me every time I heal
Sadness is the only thing I feel
I have no one I'm all alone
And my heart has ******* turned to stone
From all the times it has nonstop hurt
All the times it spent in the dirt
All the people who broke it apart
I wasn't warned from the start
And every person who came inside
Broke my soul and only lied
And yet I sat with a glimpse of hope
I didn't know that I could no longer cope
Until one day when the true storm came
I realised that this was not a game
And the exact day the war had begun
My mind my heart my soul had stopped
And for the last time my tortured soul felt
I could not endure with what I had dealt
So goodbye I said as I closed my eyes
Remembering the numb girl who nonstop cried


●A letter from the numb girl●
#pain #sadness #nohope
Lori Dec 2018
Different percpectives of the same coin. You see the heads while i see the tales and maybe a little different but we both are a moiety of a whole so broken that each part doesn't recognize another.
An entity broken into parts so alone and fragile.
Lori Jul 2019
Im clinging on
I have been
for God knows how long
And i dont know why
I just am
Hopeful
Tired maybe
But still trying
Im clinging on
My hands are shaking
My soul is weary
But i won't let go
Im holding on
And i wont let go
Im clinging on
I don't even know what im clinging on
Lori Jan 2019
If someone asked me what love really was about, I'd close my eyes and think about how you remembered the silly fact that I dont like mushrooms and made sure that whenever we would go out to eat none would come near me. I'd remember how you looked at me from the other side of the room all nervous and cute with your eyes shining trying to avoid mine. I'd remember the fact that you knew I was sad even after me telling you i was fine. Id remember the fact that you gave me your jacket even though you were freezing to death. I'd remember the fact that you chose to share your food with me even after me saying that i wasn't really hungry. I'd remember how you cried when you found out that earth and distance was gonna seperate us. Id remember the fact that you were ready to give everything up just to be with me. Id remember how your hand fit so perfectly in mine and how your smile lit up the world and gave me such chills. And id remember how you came into my life with a silly smirk and a horrible jacket, but made me fall inlove with you over and over again
You're my embodiment of love
Lori Feb 2018
I plan on loving you till you start loving yourself
● a letter from the numb girl ●
Lori Apr 2019
I once told my lover "leave me"
"why?" She asked
- well im a poet
- and so?
- i will hurt you
- how?
- i will
- and how are you so certain that you will?
- a poet can not keep inside of his hands something that is for themselves
- meaning ?
- i will hurt you , use you
- but how?
- i will use your cries as lyrics for my next poem
- and so you'll turn me to art
- but you already are art
- what if i dont leave?
- then you'll face my blood thirsty demons
- but what if i can tame them?
- you can't
- i can
- but i am certain you won't
- and why are you so certian?
- because i can't even tame them
- what if thats why im here... to hold you when you're hurt, or when you're unstable.
- love is not a job
- but love requires work
- are you up for it though?
- ive been up for it since the very begining
- how could you be so sure?
- well love can be quite a sensation, but i know it when i feel it
- but how do you love a mess of a poet i am? feeding on you, on your "love"
- how do i love someone who is just the epiphany of everything i feel inside? Well that is very easy.
- but i won't be good for you
- dont be, I'll be good for you
I couldn't really finish this dialogue but honestly i feel like some things are better left undone. I hope you enjoy this cliche random conversation of mine.
Lori May 2019
Take my hand shall we dance
He said as he reached out for me
His hands so cold against my skin
But still i could not really see
What was hidden behind
This mask of content
And that untroubled smile
so i didnt really think twice
And danced for a good enough while
With every step i pranced around
I fell into his trap
And now i am stuck in an endless loop
Full of an endless amount of crap
Now every day at 3:45
i attend my dance session
And honestly it hurts to say, to admit
That I'm in a relationship with depression
Sorry for this mess of a poem. I tried rhyming but it turned out to be a mess. I still think its not as bad. I do like it. It has a lot of meaning to me, so i hope you enjoy it <3
Lori Feb 2019
And just then when you looked straight into my eyes i saw it. I saw a future. I saw a future with you me and an endless love story
You are my future
Lori Feb 2019
I take deep breathes
None that will stop my endless tears
And none that will heal my broken heart
I try to speak, call out for help
But my voice cracks as every word leaving my body comes out broken
and it is painful for me to know that as I try to reach out I get chained to the ground
And it is painful for me to know that no one will even try to glue together all my broken pieces
And what is painful to know is that in the universe of happiness and hope i am sitting on the ground of my bathroom at 1 a.m. crying myself to sleep
So again i try to take deep breathes
I try to hold on to that only speck of happiness i can find in this entity of sadness and brokeness
But yet again i fail
I fail to save myself from myself
I fail to smile
And dare i say i fail to live
I am a whole unit of hurt
Lori Jan 2019
it never made sense
How you could throw away
How ur lips brushed mine
How our hands fit eachother perfectly
And how our souls were connected
And it never made sense
How after being abandoned in a sunken ship drowning in my sorrows
I still could look into your eyes
And tell you i loved you
My heart was broken
Lori Nov 2018
Belittled by the labels i was trapped in the four walls of my own mind
Lori Jan 2019
Pretty yet wet lashes
Fluttering down my tears
Pretty yet wet lashes
Helping me fly away from fears
Pretty yet wet lashes
Saving me from the mad
Pretty yet wet lashes
Always there when I am sad
Pretty yet wet lashes
Help me go through this alive
Pretty yet wet lashes
I don't know if I'll survive
Pretty yet wet lashes
Fluttering down my tears
Pretty yet wet lashes
Pretty yet wet lashes
Wet wet lashes
Every tear stung
Lori Sep 2018
And it was then when i looked into your eyes and realized i had sunken in your embrace even after you had let go
Lori Jan 2019
My friend asked me what's one thing which makes a poet a poet, and i didn't hesitate to say selfishness. Be selfish with your emotions, write for your own good, express through art and do it all for yourself, for the result of your selfishness makes up the whole of so many people too broken to be their own kind of selfish.
I am selfish in my own way
Lori Dec 2018
Yes I knew that I needed a heavy dose of medication, but this medication would be none other than a piece of paper and a pen through which my feelings transformed to a shelter for any eyes able to read between the lines
It was my outlet
Lori Mar 2018
No one cares
They try to act like they do manipulating you into thinking they're always gonna be there but
no one cares
And it may hurt sometimes. That thought of lonliness and self disgust hurts. It feels as if your heart has been skewered over a billion times yet
No one cares
And if no one really cares you'll stop to care for yourself too. You'll stop to eat you'll stop to rest, you'll stop to love yourself and eventually you'll stop to live and still
No one would care


● a letter from the numb girl●
Lori Mar 2019
I cried myself to sleep as the thoughts of my fingertips on your skin lingered in my mind and how every time I'd think of our love I'd think of a taboo
You were always on my **** mind
Lori Dec 2018
maybe I'm not poetic
And maybe I don't rhyme
Maybe I dont use big words
Or complicated styles
And maybe Im not enough
For you to accept
But i know that in my mind
There are words left unsaid
Thoughts left unheard
And lives ive never touched
So i take my old pen
And a piece of paper
And i write myself down
Bleed my emotions through pain
Make sense into scribbles
That carry more than one grasps
So again i say that maybe im not poetic
But i am indeed a poet
And I'll forever be a poet
Lori Dec 2018
I heard the scratching on the wall behind me and I fled scared for my life. Then I looked behind and only saw my reflection torn, hurt and broken, staring at me and asking me why I ran away from my own self, when I should have been the one to hold my broken pieces and make myself feel okay again.
I needed to feel okay again
Lori Nov 2018
Her hair was so red like a thousand fires lit above her and i could feel the warmth of the blaze leaving her body and i dont know why but i could never get enough. I could never and would never want to stop looking at her braided curly hair interwined with the colors of flowers she had planted in her thick locks, for they were more beautiful than a thousand sunsets combined. Her eyes so blue like the Crystal clear water of the sea so deep; i looked inside and i was captivated for it was a home for the most exotic colors and the most beautiful tides. I could see the sirons living inside of her eyes and how they glimmered every time she smiled and maybe even cried.
and her face all freckled like a dotted map of some world she moved me to every time we spoke, every time she held me and every time she smiled. She had this power over me that i didnt even have on myself and i didnt know if it was good bad or even normal but dare i say for the final time She was beautiful.
Lori Jan 2018
You think everything is going smooth sail until the storm comes and your ships are on the verge of sinking
Until your soul binds with the hurt and all you ever feel is numb
Until your heart's broken pieces are even more broken that you can't even see them anymore.
For every time you thought you'd healed you were wrong
You just didn't realise that the hurt was just hiding and waiting for you to be vulnerable enough so it could attack you and make you pay for the burden you are.
And for every time you laughed, you smiled, you hoped, there had to be a demon to crush you and make you desperate for that little feeling in your heart that meant that you were ok.
●a letter from the numb girl●
Lori Jan 2018
It seems as if she's broken
All the things that happened unspoken
It seems as if she cares
But all she gets are stares
It seems as if she's died
Eyes so red from all the times she's cried
It seems as if she gave up
Living in a world so messed up
But all these thoughts left untouched
Until it was too late to do much
The numb body found on the floor
You swore you didn't know before
And even if she nailed herself to the cross
All you would say is "sorry for your loss"
●a letter from the numb girl●
Lori Dec 2018
She was running in the open air as if flying in between the clouds. She felt the pressure be lifted off her shoulders as she closed her eyes and drowned in the momentous feeling. Every single inch of her body moved with the rythm of the stars. She danced with the stars and her hands were up high as if trying to catch one. She could feel her feet slowly rising as her body was drawn up by the inevitable powers above. Her hands now moving with the wind she rose to the sky and even further up. She traced the constellations with her fingers in shock as she took a deep breathe. She then exploded into an amazingly beautiful structure. She felt herself at that exact moment and when she opened her eyes, she could see the universe below her. She grabbed herself as she realised that she now was a star with colors streaming down her whole body. She was finally where she had dreamt of being her whole life and all the pain had faded away. After years of gazing out her window to the silver sky she finally was a part of it. She was a star but more importantly
She was finally free
Overall it was just a beautiful end
Lori Sep 2018
Stuck in a louphole
With your handprints all over my heart
Im stuck in a louphole
Stuck on you
Lori Dec 2018
It broke my heart how loving you was a "taboo"
Lori Dec 2018
And every mark on our skin inevitably connects the dots between mankind and nature.
We are a part of nature
Lori Sep 2018
And all these times I've been mourning over a switch that had never been turned on
Lori Jan 2018
I met you
You hurt me
You used me
You broke me
You were toxic
But I still let you in
I thought I deserved it
And again
You hurt me
You used me
You broke me
It was toxic
And it still goes on again
●a letter from the numb girl●
Lori Apr 2019
Just like that I fell
I fell into your arms
Wrapped around my skeletal body
Wrapped around my soul
You held my heart so tight
As tears fell right on top
And burnt my skin
My blood raging in fury
And demons circulating in my veins
It happened so suddenly
I shut my eyes and when i opened them
uʍop ǝpısdn sɐʍ ƃuıɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ
I didn't know what to do
Lori Jun 2019
It was a sunny afternoon. The sun was as bright as Stevenson's hair. Despite the piercing heat, there was a tender wind, brushing and kissing the skin of the kids, saving them from feeling overpowered by the sun. The soft wind was helping the waves dance to its rhythm, and with every move the sea seemed to be telling another story. The golden grains of sand shining under the rays intertwined with the kids' skin and now they were a part of the musical. Seeing as the day was so beautiful, violet could not contain herself. Her hands and feet pranced around, and she played with schools of fish passing by every now and then. She was absolutely, entirely engulfed in something so absolute, and that made her just as so. Stevenson was sitting on the golden layer of magic next to his grandma Rose, and they were both watching this crazy girl portraying such innocence and beauty. The wind was crippling and the sounds of the soft waves crashing were heavenly. Even the silence could not silence the underlying beauty of the world. Suddenly grandma rose with such a sweet voice said "Why do you love her Stevenson? Why do you think you'll marry her?" And Steve just smiled. He put his hand on his heart and said, "the way i love her is no ordinary love. People love each other but the way i love her can not fit into labels. With my so limited time all i want and all i need is her. I would die for her. I would live for her. It is not a case of life and death, but it is a case of love. You know someone means something to you when they're on you're mind. Well she isn't just on my mind. I think about her every minute every day. I think of her in times of happiness or sadness. I even think of her when im incapable of forming real thoughts. You know someone means something to you when with your very last dying breathe you manage to call out their name. You manage to cling to the overpowering sensation of not love, but need. I need her. I love her. So just when you ask why i think I'll marry her. She gave me a part of me i so desperately needed to find, she saved me from my sorrow, she gave a new meaning to my life. She is my life. Plus, just look at her, who in the right mind won't fall for a person so angelic."
This isn't exactly a poem, but it still is one of the creations i am very proud of. I hope you enjoy the words I've set together. Thanks :)
Lori Nov 2018
And just like that i fell
I fell into your heart
A never ending pit of what feels like nothing
I fell to somewhere i didnt recognize
Somewhere dark and full of hurt
And when i finally hit the ground
I felt out of breath
I felt imprisoned
Love
What a stupid excuse
Hurt
The reality
I fell
I got hurt
I cried
And now
I see
What a pitty it is
For my heart to pain
Over you
And what a pitty it is
To love
Love a stupid excuse you use to hurt me
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