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Every single time
that you look in my eyes
I turn away,
look to the ground
or to the infinite sky
because I am afraid,
so afraid,
that my eyes will reveal
the way I truly feel about you
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
Linger
Eyes
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
Linger
Beauty
Radiates from your diamond like
Oval eyes as they look upon the
World, giving it's many facets
New meaning with each glance.

Everyone that knows
Your eyes can feel the
Elation of being at peace with
Death now that they have looked into the gates of heaven.

Gazing into them causes deep
Introspection because seeing your own
Reflection through such a perfect orb
Leaves you wondering what you could have been.
You're my brown eyed girl and I love you so much :)
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
soph
Father
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
soph
Father’s Day is here
A holiday I tend to dread
Scrolling through social media
Seeing so many great fathers
Feeling a bit like an outcast
Father
A stranger to me
Gave me half my DNA
And nothing else
Stepfather
Charmer
Narcissist
Mentally a child
It would feel wrong
To post the sappy picture
Write the sappy caption
Pretend there’s a deep relationship there
Father’s Day
Always unconventional for me
I celebrate my mom
Playing both parental roles
I celebrate my grandpa
Always showing me parent-like love
I celebrate my Heavenly Father
Who loves me more than anyone else
Sure
Father’s Day is isolating
But at least I have someone to love
Someone to celebrate
I don’t open up about this part of my life that much but yeah Father’s Day is stupid I am my own dad *finger guns*
I want you to know that
no matter how
                irrational
                                  ­illogical
             dissociated
                                 disconnected
                 sporadic
                                 scattered
                    erratic
                           ­      brusque
          anticlimatic
                                 abrupt
        idiosyncratic
                                 volatile
   temperamental
                            and
                   ­               fickle
are your emotions.
To me,
they are valid;
they are whole;
they suffice.
Because,
you are only as absurd as you believe you are.

And absurdity's boundaries stretches linearly,
into immemorial time.
2018 June
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
soph
Brave
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
soph
I hear all the time
People saying to me
“You’re so brave”
Am I?
I don’t feel like I am
People say I’m brave
For facing THEIR fears
Speaking in public
Holding snakes
Being constantly poked with needles
These things aren’t frightening to me
So I don’t feel brave
I hold a lot of fears in my heart
Some more trivial than others
Failure
Heights
Rejection
Bees
My insecurities play into my fears
Holding me back
Keeping me from fully experiencing life
I don’t climb too high
I don’t initiate that conversation
Because I’m afraid
So I don’t feel brave
Somewhere out there
Possibly in an alternate universe
Someone thrives on my fears
Loves to do the things that scare me most
But fears the activities I find commonplace
Are they brave?
Am I brave?
this starts out weird and only gets weirder enjoy
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
Cné

On the tips of toes
Long necks stretch to kiss the sun
Sultry Sunflowers

Alice, through the looking glass
I saw her fair, I saw her fast
Her smile like the distant past –
A mem’ry safe and sure to last…
---
But suddenly her smile turned
Her stomach ached, and quaked, and churned
And sweat rolled off her brows that burned
When, in that moment, this she learned:

That deep within that pretty face,
A haunting, hideous, out of place –
Dark and dreadful, dreary trace
Of ash and gnashing was innate

Innate in her! She saw it so!
A pushing – pulling – undertow!
Inclining toward the hollow glow
Of outer show, the inner woe
---
Alice, through the looking glass
I saw her fair, I saw her fast
Her smile like the distant past –
A mem’ry fading when she passed…
---
When she did pass from death to life
Beholding pure and perfect Light
Without a sight, but in the night
When sun arose, and shone so bright

So bright that every Darkness did
Fly and flee – it scattered, hid
From deep within her heart that bid
Her to remain in shadowed sin

Yes, He – the Good, the Faithful, True!
Made her new – through and through!
And Alice, she’s the hopeful view
In the looking glass: me and you.
---
Alice, through the looking glass
I saw her fair, I saw her fast
Her smile like the distant past –
A mem’ry safe and sure to last…

.
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
soph
The lights fade
Rain begins to pour
Time to go home
Back to reality
After days in a euphoric state
Loving and praising and singing and learning
Time to go home
Back to reality
Immediately thrown back
Into test results and doctors
My heart aches for what I just left behind
Great learning
Pure fun
No stress
Ugh
Time to go home
Back to reality
I got back from my church conference today and my mom immediately started going on a rant about my rheumatologist being annoying and ugh I just really miss the few days away from my health problems
 Jun 2018 Jessica Jarvis
soph
A great night
With even greater people
It brings me back
To where I began
It seems like a sin
To call those people friends
They were like drugs to me
Feeling great in the moment
While slowly numbing my senses
And blinding me to my pain
Until it was too late
One made me hate my body
Another pressured me into bad decisions
The last one put me through hell
So
Many
Bad
Friends
The abuse I’ve been put through
It altered me and my perception
They’re making plans?
I’m probably not invited
They’re whispering?
They hate me
Now
It feels like a dream
To have people I love
People I trust
People I know aren’t fake
For the first time in my life
I feel totally secure
Totally loved
I can hold these people close to my heart
Without being stabbed in the back
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how awesome my friends are now in comparison to the toxic friends I’ve had in the past. Also I wish I had a more creative title for this but I guess it’s ok to be straightforward ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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