I never really listened to the real me.

Hello for now,
Goodbye for later.
Nothing really happened,
In your eyes.
Everything you thought were real,
Were just an illusion.

I used to ignore my real feelings.

Blank eyes,
Full of darkness.
Happy smiles,
With unnoticed words.
Thoughts,
They’re like poison.

I couldn’t love my true self.

Hands,
They act before thinking.
Feelings,
Ruining it all.
Everything you see,
Is not me.

I didn’t acknowledge myself.*

Its back,
The tears.
I’m back,
More real than before.
Can’t go back,
I realised reality.

Stop yourself from loving me.
Nothing good will come out in the end.
Hold back your tears while I carry on.
Or else I keep taking away your feelings

We can't stay like this anymore.
You need to forget me.
You rejected me first.
You deserve it.

Stay away from me, you’re hurting yourself.
Work your heart out while being torn apart.
It’s not my fault you’re like this.
Why won’t you listen.

I’m going crazy, I’m sick of your ****.
In the end I’m still going to win.
Pack up your emotions and leave my life.
You’re turning my world upside down.

Stay like this and regret it.
I’d rather have you hate me.
You’re not the one for me.
And sure as hell I don’t want you here.

You begged to stay as I pushed you away.
Tears fell down your cheeks, as you got on your knees.
You screamed at me as I was walking away.
I didn’t hear it, because I couldn’t care less about you.

Just another day, and you’re gone from my side.
I couldn’t help but feel happy.
But after that I never saw you again.
And nobody knew who you were.

*Then I realized you were just a part of my Imagination.

Breathing in one last breath of air.
Laying with a smile painted on my lips.
Humming the melody of my favorite song,
and finally closing my eyes for the last time.

The dark is devouring the light,
keeping the shadows away.
Rain pouring down,
taking away my last flame of life.
The wind with it’s cold touch,
making my whole body shiver.

Looking at the stars
before moving my eyes to the moon.
Reaching after the light I couldn’t have.
The beautiful scenery that lasts a lifetime,
And the last glance I got before leaving.

Never looked at the night sky again.
The final hours before drifting away.
Too dark to see, too pretty to ignore.
Black was my colourful colour.

Stumbling upon the path I’ve been looking for,
With a quick look behind to see my friends and family.
They waved and started to take a different way.
I smiled and began to walk straight ahead,
Knowing that if I look back again everyone would be gone.

Lights showed up on the side of the road.
Cars driving by, making a highway.
All of this is silence even while noises come and leave
This is it, I thought and began to run.

Running made it all a field of grass.
Horses passing by me with a touch of the wind.
My hair following the breeze from the ocean.
Within the night all over the world.

Falling down in the sand.
Burying me from neck to toe,
Making it harder to get free.
Water began rising,
Crashing against me.

Within a second I hit the ground,
Choking up blood.
With pain to my back,
And light smell to my clothes.
A well known voice behind me.

I think it’s enough,
I’m by the end now.
I looked behind me,
With a dead look in my eyes.
As I saw her sitting in a pit of ashes.


I got up and ran into her arms.
I had been looking all over for her.
I felt happy that I found her.
I cried in her arms,
Finally we emerged as one whole soul.
She had been forgotten for a long time,
And She had finally giving up.
But then I came crashing down from above.
Making her heart almost stop.

I had been falling over the memories we had as one.
I came for her, and that only saved her.
We once were one person,
Until I changed and abandoned her.
But In the end I came,
and I ended the search of myself.

Laying in my bed of roses.
With a bottle of whiskey in my hand.
Staring at a picture of you,
I’m missing you like crazy.

Empty bottle dropped on the floor.
The picture I held so dear,
Now engulfed in flames.
Turning our memories together into meaningless ashes.

Staring out of the window,
Watching the rain pouring down.
At least the rain’s not coming from my eyes anymore.
I’ve stopped treasuring you and started to remember myself.

Smiling from ear to ear,
Trying not to laugh at myself.
I hope I’ve moved on,
Even if it meant living with half a heart.

Years passed before I could say goodbye.
Laying in my bed,
With whiskey once again ending up in my hand.
A smile landed on my lips.

I’m still thinking of you on a lonely night...

The pain from his hands,
Painted on my body.
I’m burning up,
I’m freezing.

I’m alive, I’m free.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
The fear is eating me up,
Making its way to the outside.

I got distracted.
I got lost.
Now I’m gone.
Now I’m forgotten.

Suffocating,
Gasping after air.
Tight grip around my throat,
Taking away my reason to live.

A silent scream,
Making its way out from my mouth.
Heart beating faster.
Vision disappearing.

I got distracted again.
The fear left me alone.
With nothing but a nightmare left.
He carved pain into my gravestone.

My sanity is hiding from me.
Making me a weak prey.
I want to run, I want to get away.
I just want to live.

Lies, inside my head.
Time is ticking.
I’m running out of air.
I’m…. blank.

Get me out,
Let me escape.
I can’t hide,
They know.

They know. They know.
I won’t know.
The lies is eating me up,
It’s getting harder to sleep.

I escaped...
I... I didn’t.
I’m still here, living in a phantasy.
I have to find an answer,
An answer for my insanity.