in the beginning, God created the heavens,
and as heaven had been created to God's liking,
God finally moved forward to his next plan,
creating the earth,

in the creation of the Earth,
the Earth existed as a wasteland,
full of darkness,
strong winds brushed up on the waters,

God looked at what had to be done to finnish earth,
and he saw the darkness the surrounded his new creation,
compared to the bright lights of his heaven,
and the darkness had a dull beauty of its own,

God said let there be light,
God then said let light be separated from the darkness.
God made the lights like his heavens the day,
and the darkness the night,

and as night fell on the first day,
morning followed,
then God looked down upon his creation,
as the bright lights of day made it possible to see,

God said, as he stared upon the winds and waters,
let water under the winds be swarmed into pits,
as the water drew away into the pits,
and God named the pits drawing the water away, the Sea.

land appeared, and God named the soil of the land, Earth.
He said for the Earth to bring forth Vegetation,
of fruits and trees as any plant with seed.
God saw how good it was,

as night fell, on the second day, morning soon came,
God looked at heaven,
as God plucked a piece of heaven from the sky,
and made them into two pieces of light.

God put the larger piece in the day sky,
and as night hit,
God placed the slightly smaller piece in the night,
God decided to make tiny stars to place to help the night.

the stars help to govern the day and the night,
to separate the light and darkness,
and God watched evening come, on the third day,
morning soon followed.

God saw how empty the pit called the Sea was,
God brought forth all kinds of creatures as God sent them to the sea,
God made all the creatures with wings and feathers to fly in his sky,
God finally made all kinds of animals, and creeping things, for his land,

God saw how good the creation was,
and evening came on the fourth day,
and morning soon followed,
as God stared over the earth,

and said, "let us make man in our image"
let man have control over the sea, air, and land,
let's give man control of the creatures of the Earth,
God created man and women,

and night fell, on the fifth day, and morning soon came,
God said, to man and women, "Be fertile, and multiple,
have ******* of the sea air and land,
See all the seed bearing plants I give to you,"

God looked at everything he had made,
and he found it very good,
Evening came on the sixth day,
and morning followed,

Thus the seventh day appeared,
heaven and earth were completed,
since god was Satisfied with his creations,
God rested, night fell, on the seventh day,

morning
followed
soon
after.

Almost jumped off that bridge,
sadly I wish I did.

instead I found some relief in *** cigs,
and used to help me forget,

I held my breath to calm down,
until tomorrow came around.

__

*I can't give you my trust,
I can not get close to you,
I can not let you hold me even when I wish for you to,
I can not let you show me how you love me like others used too,

I struggle when I listen, or try to concentrate, to the things you say,
I struggle to communicate my feeling back to you in the same way,

I sometimes feel like I'm too demanding of you,
I don't know how to do the comedies of a give and take,
I feel like I sometimes only take, and leave a burden on top of you,
I constantly feel guilty for what I do to you, I feel guilty for the things I do,
I get to have you, but I am not worth someone like you,

I hope I don't hurt you too bad, on days when I am too sad,
I sometimes need to relax and detach. my dissociation won't last forever,
I know I am not perfect in this world that is so dull and grey, but I try,
I each day, have tried, I empathise more then not,

I am sorry more then not, like the fears I cry tears over,
I wish I could overcome them, I wish I could stop avoiding my past,
I wish I could forget all the bad, make memories that are good and will last,
I can't remember day to day tasks, and I can't remember anything un-sad,

I wish that when you told me things I could understand it better,
I wish I handled things better, learn to fix them on my own,
I wish I didn't depend on you for help, but I wouldn't if I could fix it myself.
I wish I stopped staying in bad places and leaving the good ones I find,

I want to not act so compulsive with these addictions that surround me,
I wish I could get rid of the overlaying grief that hangs over me,  
I wish I could move on from what has been taken from me,
I want to stop letting it exhaust me,

I am tired, but never sleep, and to sleep wouldn't help my tiredness,
I tried to sleep with you and lay down next to you wide awake,
I wish I could of been sleeping as peaceful as you,

I feel plagued by all my bad memories,
I want them to go away, because they only make it harder for you,
I know you don't love me, I know at least you shouldn't love me,
I worry that I worry you, and I don't want you to be worried about me,
I feel like you deserve more, and better, and should get it.
I want to protect you from the damage I can put upon you,
I feel the panic inside brews, and I can't rid myself from it,
I wish you would save yourself from me.

I get angry, and mad, and upset,
I do this rather then having an emotional shut down,
I hate that I lash out, I don't want to get mad at you,

I hate myself, I wish that I could love myself like I used to,
I take risks hoping that something better could happen, but it doesn't,

I feel alone,
I feel abandoned,
I feel rejected,
I feel helpless,
I feel trapped,

I know you left because you felt like this
I lost you, because of all these things,
I know what I did wrong

I believe in things
they say,
"not to, believe in,"

_________

shake, cold, ****

Make me believe these forgeries spitting off your tongue,
thinking I am someone to purely award you my love.
when you're nothing more then trash

no, stop, crys,

"Make me?"
make you not take the vial of my youth, you hold it,
worthless to me, but worth everything you still hold over me.

years, passed, two,

Make the memories go away,
of all the things from that awful day,
you hold nothing and everything over me,

black-out, leg-spaz, cry-now,

Make me lose control of myself,
"do you really know yourself?
what is happening to you?"

count, tiles, breathe,

Makes me know the length and width
of every ceiling, every floor, every wall, of every room,
I'm stuck inside of as I struggle to just breathe,

in, and, out,

makes me wonder why I can't do these simple things,
makes me remember all my other flaws and mistakes,
makes it even harder to breathe,

please, help, me,

Make me look someone down,
and beg with my eyes,
for help, for something

giving, trust, hard,

makes it look easy when its not,
I can say it all that I want,
but do I mean it?.

Talk, to, me,

Make me tell you what is wrong,
tell me what to say,
tell me its okay when its not,

it's, not, okay,

make me argue with you,
make me have to tell you the truth,
my past and pain,

you're, just, helping,

Make me help myself,
make me learn to do things I need on my own,
Make me not feel bad for getting help.

you, did, good

Make sure I tell myself,
"because no one else is there to tell you,
how good you did for getting through,"

I, Make, Me

**make myself do the things I need,
I no longer rely on you or anyone for these,
I'm not a child anymore sweetie,