Could there be
anything sadder
than
you and I
existing
in the same universe
but never
meeting
in this life again?

What kind of love is this
that can neither be expressed
nor remain hidden?
What kind of love is this
that no matter how hard I repress
still overflows in my veins?
What kind of love is this
that demands nothing
but knows only to give?
What kind of love is this
that tears apart my heart
every time we say goodbye?
What kind of love is this
that makes this heart quiver
even at the thought of a time
when you will not be there in my life?
What kind of love is this
that won’t let me feel anything
else for you except this
irrevocable, unconditional love?
What kind of love is this
that has no destination
but still goes on aimlessly?

It is not that
I am not loved.
I know it in my heart.
I feel it in my veins.
Love overflows in abundance
in many forms in my life
Yet my heart is eternally
starved of it.
It started with him-
This affliction of never-ending yearning
That has no cure or respite
And somehow all the love in the world
Is not enough to fill this black hole
That he left behind.

Of all the people
I have loved and lost
You are the one
I remember the most.

You know what ***** the most?
That I miss you
even at my happiest.

A thousand different scenarios
I build in my head,
laying awake at night,
watching the forlorn sky
and try to conjure up
the reaction you give me
as it finally dawns you.

But the scenarios dissolve
as reality crashes
and it settles in my stomach
like a ton of bricks
that you will always remain oblivious
to what you mean to me.

I cannot think of a future
where you are there-
all roads lead
away from you.

Let's burn all the bridges,
Shall we?
So that there is nothing left
Anymore between us
No hope,
No way,
No chance,
That leads us back to each other
So that we cannot
Break each other anymore.

If there is a fine line
between love and madness
I know I crossed it
when I loved you.

I have this
intense
insane
inexplicable
curiosity
to know you
not to love you
or be with you
but just to know you
to unravel you.

Everyone hurts
Everyone feels
Everyone loves
But some does all of these
more than the others.

And I can never decide
if it's a curse or a gift
To feel everything
on the spectrum
so very intensely.

Especially on days like these
when every pinprick feels
like the twisting of a knife
when the slightest sound
makes you jump
when all you want
is a little respite
from the insanity
that reigns inside your head.

Dear Life,
No way in hell
You are going to send me back
To the hell I crawled my way through
No matter how many times you try
You will always fail
Because you only get one chance
To break a heart that is whole...

There are two kinds of death-
One, when the world mourns us
And the other, when we mourn ourselves.

Do you ever wish
that life had given you
some other pain
instead of the ones it handed you?
Do you think
it would have made any difference?
Would you still then be you
or someone else?

Maybe she was born
With a heart
Forever meant to pine
After things
Never meant to be...

Only a fool says, "Follow your heart.."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wise knows the price of it.

Once a fool
Always a fool...

They say
Denial is the first stage of grief
I think I'm going through it.
I still can't believe that
You are gone,
Just like that, Nana.
Growing up,
I have never known a home
That didn't have you.

I can't believe
that the next time I return
You won't be there,
Waiting for me
In your usual arm chair,
With a cherubic smile on your face,
When you see your granddaughter.

The last time I came home,
I was so afraid
of how much you remember,
if my face would even register,
And when I asked with hope and apprehension,
"Can you recognize me?"
You smiled like,
I had said the silliest thing in the world
and replied, "Why won't I recognize you?"

Home
will never be the same without you.
You used to be my North Star, my Superhero,
The one I always looked up to and was in awe of,
No one will ever match up
To your wisdom, your goodness.
It is like the brightest star
has been snuffed out from my life.
Now, who will I call Nana anymore?
Who will ever smile at me like you used to?

Wherever you are -
I hope you are in a better place,
Happier, healthier, and in peace.
I hope you can walk again in fields of meadows,
And breathe fresh air under the open sky.
I hope you get to eat your favorite dishes
and all the sweets you crave,
I hope where you are,
You can listen to your favorite music,
Read all the books you want,
And write all the stories,
You couldn't in this life.
I hope wherever you are,
You can still feel my love for you.

I will always look for you in the stars,
Love you and miss you forever, Nana.

I hate the power
you hold over me
even when you're not there.
The way you affect me
in all the worst ways.
The way this love
consumes me
like no other feeling.
The way my own
heart betrays me
and chooses you,
every time.
But most of all -
I hate the way
I love you
when I know
I absolutely should not.

She poured
All the love
She didn't get from you
And gave you away freely
Into herself now.

I guess it is true
Some people
Come into our lives
To teach us unconditional love
While others are there
To teach us Self-love....

He was home to her
in a world
that has always felt
like a mighty stranger.

Home
Used to be
You

Now
The entire world is a
Mighty stranger

And I don't care about
Fitting in anymore.

If I loved you once,
some part of me
will always love you,
in one form or another,
No matter why
it never worked out
between us,
No matter who
we're with,
No matter how many miles
we're apart,
You will always have
a piece of me-
This is your gift.
This is my curse.

If I can live without you
I can live without anyone else
This much this heart has learnt
This much this heart knows
If it's not you
What does it matter
If it's no one else?

I miss you
in words,
in dreams,
in memories,
in thoughts,
in feelings,
but never
in my life.

A book of
incomplete stories,
almost loves,
unsung songs,
& broken dreams-
sometimes
that is what
her entire life
felt like.

All the pain
Somehow
Finds its way
Back to you.

I wish
I could
Find a way
Out of this
Labyrinth of suffering.