You and I
A miracle




................

Unwritten
In the stars

"Have I lost you?" he asked her that day.

"No," she replied smilingly,




"You never had me, but yes, you have surely lost the chance to ever have me. I don't do second chances."

I won't let you
creep into my words anymore
No, I refuse to give you that power.

I will erase every trace of you in my veins,
banish every thought of you from my mind.


I will exorcise the ghost of you from my memory
I will be free of you-
This is I promise
even if it's the last thing I ever do,
I will die trying.

Someone once told me
That I indulge in my sadness,
That I treasure it
Like it's some luxury,
I feed it
Like it's my life source,
And I can't help but wonder
If what he said is true?
After a certain time,
Can you get addicted to sadness?

It doesn't make a sound
when it breaks
but it hurts the loudest.

Stay
with
me

Sit
by
my side

Reach out
your hand

Speak to me
in silence

I will understand

Do not cry,
That we didn't end up together,
Smile,
That the universe tried.

They say, if someone you loved
didn't love you back,
you should take that love,
and spread it
in the world around you.
I have tried and tried
to do just that
but still, it won't fill the gap
that you left behind,
and all I feel is empty.

Sometimes I look around me
and everything feels so fake -
I doubt
if I am real or not.

I fall in love
rarely,
infrequently
but when I do
I fall in love
so fast
it spins my head.

One day
I will find you intolerable
and another
I will discover a piece of you
that resonates with me
lights a spark in me
and I will fall for you
in the blink of an eye
with all of you
and build an entire world
for the two of us.

But the world, most often,
turns out to be made of glass
just waiting to break apart
and I will fall down so hard
and hit the ground
just as fast as I fell in love.

Somedays I wake up
and it feels like
it happened just yesterday
and not ages ago-
the memory is that crystal clear.
Maybe some ghosts
haunt us forever.

Let it out-
all the pain you keep hiding,
all the tears you keep holding inside.
It's okay
if the grief claws out of you.
Just remember-
even if it feels forever,
even if it feels infinite,
even if it feels too much-
it will pass.
You had hit lower than this before
and risen like a phoenix.
You can do it once more.
I promise.

He was the poem
she never read loud
but kept in the page of her diary.
He was the song
she never sung out
but hummed when no one was around.
He was the love
she never let grow...
or die.

I see you look at me
Then look away instantly
and I follow your lead
afraid it would turn into something more
and we cannot let that be.

You will lose people
as you grow older
like coins falling
out of your pocket,
You will lose them
whether you like it or not,
even the ones who promised to stay
and the ones to whom you promised to keep.

Life is a paradox
of holding on and letting go.

I don't talk
about you anymore
like I used to

Before,
I would speak of you
to anyone and everyone in my life,
sharing pieces of you with others
so much that people started wondering
if there was something between us.
It was never intentional
but rather an involuntary response
to the pull of gravity I felt towards you.

I used to like the way
your name sounded in my tongue
I used to practice uttering it
and whispering nothingness into your ears.

I used to say your name
like it was sacred

but now it has become taboo
to even think of your name
Every time it comes up in my mind
I have to hit the mental brakes,
I no longer mention you
to anyone else
it's like you do not even exist,
never did -
you are just the ghost of a name
that resides somewhere in my head,
collecting dust.

I have always loved you
I hope you know that
even at your worst
at my lowest,
even when you believed
I could never love someone like you
even when I denied to myself
I could never love someone. Period.
I have always loved you.
I hope you know that. Always

Happiness is as easy
and as free
as watching three little, cuddly puppies-
one brown, one white and one sandy,
rolling on the sand
on the street side
and breaking out in unexpected smile
at the innocence in nature
after you had a ****** night
of battling your existential crisis.

I still remember
Yesterday was your birthday.
Like every other year
I wished you in my mind,
And stopped myself
From making a fool out of myself
For the nth time
And reach out to you
For real.
I would rather cut off my fingers
Than dial your number
Only to be greeted
By a graveyard of silence
On the other side.

I still remember the times
You called me
Before it was 12 am
cause you wanted to be the first
To wish me on my birthday
And for a fraction of time,
I believed you were mine.

Concrete jungle
with swarms of people
more like robots,
less like humans,
always running after something,
round-the-clock,
and striving for something,
without even knowing what.
Confused, lost souls
forgotten to smell the rose,
give away time freely
as if time were endless.
Life is measured in-
how many degrees you earned
and the figure you have for your salary.
Families at home,
often neglected,
but we are doing it all for them,
and not for showing off to the society.
Relationships are more for-
status updates and Instagram likes,
but we don't have time for each other,
except may be on Valentine's day,
cause that is mandatory
to glorify our unconditional love to the world.

The cities are filled with buildings
after buildings,
but let's fill up that waterbody too;
there's no room for people after all;
who needs the greenery or nature?
Let's take it all.
We are humans.
We are supreme.
Everything is ours to claim and reign.

What a grand delusion we live with!

What have we done to the world?
What have we made of ourselves?

Because of you
she learned to cry
without making a sound

Because of you
she learned to hide her puffy eyes
with carefully applied concealer and eyeliner

Because of you
she learned to hide the marks on her wrist
with full sleeves and fancy bracelets

Because of you
she learned to not let someone in
through the walls she has built around her heart

Because of you
she learned to be on her own
and be comfortable with it

Because of you
she learned to love herself
in ways you never could.

Life is not how many years you lived
But how much you lived in those years

All seemed to have ended that day
But somehow the sun rose the next morning
And everything went on as yesterday.

Years have passed
between then and now.
Life went on.
With or without you.

The pain I felt that day
is no longer there
I don't scream in the nocturnal hours
or gasp for air as if I cannot breathe
I don't clutch my heart in sorrow
or pray to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's all a memory now
from another lifetime.

I have accomplished the impossible
and learned to live without you.
It was as if learning to take the first step
without stumbling or falling over.

I can live without you.
I can laugh without you.
I can love without you.
But I still carry my hell
of the life I couldn't live with you.