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Diary of Jane Dec 2018
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You and I
A miracle




................

Unwritten
In the stars
Diary of Jane Sep 2018
Could there be
anything sadder
than
you and I
existing
in the same universe
but never
meeting
in this life again?
Diary of Jane Oct 2017
What kind of love is this
that can neither be expressed
nor remain hidden?
What kind of love is this
that no matter how hard I repress
still overflows in my veins?
What kind of love is this
that demands nothing
but knows only to give?
What kind of love is this
that tears apart my heart
every time we say goodbye?
What kind of love is this
that makes this heart quiver
even at the thought of a time
when you will not be there in my life?
What kind of love is this
that won’t let me feel anything
else for you except this
irrevocable, unconditional love?
What kind of love is this
that has no destination
but still goes on aimlessly?
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
"Have I lost you?" he asked her that day.

"No," she replied smilingly,




"You never had me, but yes, you have surely lost the chance to ever have me. I don't do second chances."
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
A thousand different scenarios
I build in my head,
laying awake at night,
watching the forlorn sky
and try to conjure up
the reaction you give me
as it finally dawns you.

But the scenarios dissolve
as reality crashes
and it settles in my stomach
like a ton of bricks
that you will always remain oblivious
to what you mean to me.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
I cannot think of a future
where you are there-
all roads lead
away from you.
Diary of Jane Apr 2019
I won't let you
creep into my words anymore
No, I refuse to give you that power.

I will erase every trace of you in my veins,
banish every thought of you from my mind.


I will exorcise the ghost of you from my memory
I will be free of you-
This is I promise
even if it's the last thing I ever do,
I will die trying.
Diary of Jane Nov 2018
It doesn't make a sound
when it breaks
but it hurts the loudest.
Diary of Jane Aug 2018
Stay
with
me

Sit
by
my side

Reach out
your hand

Speak to me
in silence

I will understand
Diary of Jane Sep 2018
If there is a fine line
between love and madness
I know I crossed it
when I loved you.
Diary of Jane Feb 2019
I have this
intense
insane
inexplicable
curiosity
to know you
not to love you
or be with you
but just to know you
to unravel you.
Diary of Jane Mar 2019
Everyone hurts
Everyone feels
Everyone loves
But some does all of these
more than the others.

And I can never decide
if it's a curse or a gift
To feel everything
on the spectrum
so very intensely.

Especially on days like these
when every pinprick feels
like the twisting of a knife
when the slightest sound
makes you jump
when all you want
is a little respite
from the insanity
that reigns inside your head.
Diary of Jane Jul 2019
There are two kinds of death-
One, when the world mourns us
And the other, when we mourn ourselves.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
They say, if someone you loved
didn't love you back,
you should take that love,
and spread it
in the world around you.
I have tried and tried
to do just that
but still, it won't fill the gap
that you left behind,
and all I feel is empty.
Diary of Jane Jan 2019
Sometimes I look around me
and everything feels so fake -
I doubt
if I am real or not.
Diary of Jane Dec 2018
I fall in love
rarely,
infrequently
but when I do
I fall in love
so fast
it spins my head.

One day
I will find you intolerable
and another
I will discover a piece of you
that resonates with me
lights a spark in me
and I will fall for you
in the blink of an eye
with all of you
and build an entire world
for the two of us.

But the world, most often,
turns out to be made of glass
just waiting to break apart
and I will fall down so hard
and hit the ground
just as fast as I fell in love.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Only a fool says, "Follow your heart.."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wise knows the price of it.
Diary of Jane Apr 2018
These eyes still thirst for a glimpse of you
among the millions of strangers,
they come across every day,
hoping by some miracle, fate, or chance -
today would be the day
when the thirst would be quenched.
Diary of Jane Aug 2018
Somedays I wake up
and it feels like
it happened just yesterday
and not ages ago-
the memory is that crystal clear.
Maybe some ghosts
haunt us forever.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Let it out-
all the pain you keep hiding,
all the tears you keep holding inside.
It's okay
if the grief claws out of you.
Just remember-
even if it feels forever,
even if it feels infinite,
even if it feels too much-
it will pass.
You had hit lower than this before
and risen like a phoenix.
You can do it once more.
I promise.
Please don't give up, don't let the monsters in your head win. I know some of us struggle daily with depression, grief, and life and sometimes, it makes zero sense of why we still exist but I strongly believe we exist because we are worth it, even with all of our scars, brokenness, messiness, flaws and what not, we are worth it.
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
He was the poem
she never read loud
but kept in the page of her diary.
He was the song
she never sung out
but hummed when no one was around.
He was the love
she never let grow...
or die.
Diary of Jane Nov 2017
I see you look at me
Then look away instantly
and I follow your lead
afraid it would turn into something more
and we cannot let that be.
Diary of Jane Jun 2018
You will lose people
as you grow older
like coins falling
out of your pocket,
You will lose them
whether you like it or not,
even the ones who promised to stay
and the ones to whom you promised to keep.

Life is a paradox
of holding on and letting go.
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
He was home to her
in a world
that has always felt
like a mighty stranger.
Diary of Jane Oct 2018
I don't talk
about you anymore
like I used to

Before,
I would speak of you
to anyone and everyone in my life,
sharing pieces of you with others
so much that people started wondering
if there was something between us.
It was never intentional
but rather an involuntary response
to the pull of gravity I felt towards you.

I used to like the way
your name sounded in my tongue
I used to practice uttering it
and whispering nothingness into your ears.

I used to say your name
like it was sacred

but now it has become taboo
to even think of your name
Every time it comes up in my mind
I have to hit the mental brakes,
I no longer mention you
to anyone else
it's like you do not even exist,
never did -
you are just the ghost of a name
that resides somewhere in my head,
collecting dust.
Diary of Jane Nov 2017
I have always loved you
I hope you know that
even at your worst
at my lowest,
even when you believed
I could never love someone like you
even when I denied to myself
I could never love someone. Period.
I have always loved you.
I hope you know that. Always
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Happiness is as easy
and as free
as watching three little, cuddly puppies-
one brown, one white and one sandy,
rolling on the sand
on the street side
and breaking out in unexpected smile
at the innocence in nature
after you had a ****** night
of battling your existential crisis.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Concrete jungle
with swarms of people
more like robots,
less like humans,
always running after something,
round-the-clock,
and striving for something,
without even knowing what.
Confused, lost souls
forgotten to smell the rose,
give away time freely
as if time were endless.
Life is measured in-
how many degrees you earned
and the figure you have for your salary.
Families at home,
often neglected,
but we are doing it all for them,
and not for showing off to the society.
Relationships are more for-
status updates and Instagram likes,
but we don't have time for each other,
except may be on Valentine's day,
cause that is mandatory
to glorify our unconditional love to the world.

The cities are filled with buildings
after buildings,
but let's fill up that waterbody too;
there's no room for people after all;
who needs the greenery or nature?
Let's take it all.
We are humans.
We are supreme.
Everything is ours to claim and reign.

What a grand delusion we live with!

What have we done to the world?
What have we made of ourselves?
The title says it all.
Diary of Jane Jan 2019
Because of you
she learned to cry
without making a sound

Because of you
she learned to hide her puffy eyes
with carefully applied concealer and eyeliner

Because of you
she learned to hide the marks on her wrist
with full sleeves and fancy bracelets

Because of you
she learned to not let someone in
through the walls she has built around her heart

Because of you
she learned to be on her own
and be comfortable with it

Because of you
she learned to love herself
in ways you never could.
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Life is not how many years you lived
But how much you lived in those years
Diary of Jane Nov 2017
All seemed to have ended that day
But somehow the sun rose the next morning
And everything went on as yesterday.

Years have passed
between then and now.
Life went on.
With or without you.

The pain I felt that day
is no longer there
I don't scream in the nocturnal hours
or gasp for air as if I cannot breathe
I don't clutch my heart in sorrow
or pray to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's all a memory now
from another lifetime.

I have accomplished the impossible
and learned to live without you.
It was as if learning to take the first step
without stumbling or falling over.

I can live without you.
I can laugh without you.
I can love without you.
But I still carry my hell
of the life I couldn't live with you.
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
Every time someone asks me, "do you still like him?", I can't help but realize  just how trival the word "like" is.
What I feel for him cannot be encompassed in those four alphabets. I  cannot call it "love" either, cause it feels much deeper, much sacred than any other love I have ever felt before.
All I can say is that I care for him, and perhaps I always will even if we were not in each other's lives.
Diary of Jane Sep 2019
Win;
At least I don't have to see you with her everyday now.

Loss;
I don't get to see you either, anymore.
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
Do you think that all the love stories that remain incomplete, all the feelings that remain unresolved and unspoken, all the love that this universe never allows to come alive, do they escape somewhere else?

Away from this universe, may be there is a universe where they are not so forlorn or unrequited. May be they do have a place where they can breathe free, soar high, love to their hearts' content and find their fulfillment.
This was inspired by Lang Leav's Sad Girls and my obsession with parallel worlds
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
I used to think
you were a miracle.
Now I know.
Sometimes,
even a curse
can disguise itself.
"people come into your life either as a blessing or a lesson."
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
She stopped missing him a long time back,
but she couldn't get over mourning the girl she was.
Some people will come into your life and alter you completely.
Diary of Jane Aug 2017
You
the light
to my dark
the sun
to my moon
the exception
to all my rules

You
the miracle
I never expected from life.
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
You have been down this road before
You know it like the back of your hand,
Nothing new waits here for you-
Every stone, every corner is just the same,
Yet you keep coming back to this path,
As if it has changed
and it's now spring instead of winter.
It's still winter here
And all the leaves are still dead.
So go back where you came from,
Cause there is nothing for you,
except the cold winter and dead leaves.
May be life gives us the same story, the same pain over and over again until we have learned the lesson it was meant to taught us. Or may be some of us are just fools destined to repeat history.
Diary of Jane Oct 2018
they say,
as long as there is life
there is hope
but
can you spend your whole life
simply hoping?
maybe some things are just not meant to be
it is better to let those hopes turn to dust
before you do.
Diary of Jane Oct 2017
"People always leave." - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

And sometimes they take you with them too.

The worst kind of people you can lose are the ones losing whom seems like losing yourself too.
Diary of Jane Oct 2017
we live
under the same sky
we look at the same sky
yet we look at it
so very differently-
you might look at a cloud
and see an elephant's trunk
while I look at the same cloud
and see a little boy flying a kite.
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Some days
it takes a lot,
all of me
to filter out your thoughts
from my head,
to erase your footprints
from my mind.

Some days
it is as easy as pie
to separate you and I
as if we were nothing
more than strangers
passing through each other's lives.
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
Is breaking your own heart
to protect someone else's.
Diary of Jane Feb 2019
Over and over
I feel this sadness
settle in my heart
as if it were a permanent home
to a bird that refuses to leave its nest.
Diary of Jane Jun 2017
I wanted to write
something
"happy"
So here you go...
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Spring is
whenever,
wherever,
You and I
are together.
Today is the first day of spring where I live.
Diary of Jane Jul 2019
You and I
A story unknown to the world
But felt by the universe
Every time we were together.

You and I
A love lost
But still alive somewhere
In the corner of our hearts.

You and I
Two roads that run side by side
But never meet.

You and I
Two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle
That never fit.

You and I
A secret buried deep in our hearts
That will never be revealed.

You and I
A blurry memory in our minds
That will perhaps one day be forgotten with time.

You and I
Two lost souls
That yearned for each other
But never found a way to one another.

You and I
A story that was never written in the stars
But still burned the brightest in our lives.
Sometimes, love doesn't conquer all.
Diary of Jane Nov 2017
A lone stray ember
I cannot rekindle
But no matter
how hard I stomp on it
refuses to be put out.
Stubbornly, obstinately
it keeps on glowing.
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
So tired
of living
in a concrete jungle
Filled with too many people
who are nothing
but strangers.
Diary of Jane Oct 2017
You are always so afraid to let go
Because you always invest too much
in every little thing you do
You don't know any other way
So you are constantly afraid
of the sunken fallacy-
what if you give up oranges for apples
and find out you liked oranges better?
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