If I were a cloud, nobody would ever be able to hurt me. They would throw their punches and I would just enclose around their fists. They scream their evil words as loud as they could and the sound would be muffled by mass. I could just stay high in the sky, changing shapes with the wind and ignoring the evil world below me. If was sad everyone would feel my tears like they feel their own. If I were mad they would hear my screams as lightning struck. I wouldn't have to deal with stupid boys and stupid hearts. When I wanted to die, I would just let the wind ******* to nothing, and nobody would noticing me missing.

September is never my month.
My life's been at its worst every single September for the past 3 years.
Threes years ago in this month I found out we would be moving by the end of the school year away from the house I had lived in for 5 years of my life.
I was 11 when we moved.
I lived at the house for a little under half my life.
I slowly watched all of my childhood memories being shoved into boxes and taped up just to be found 10 years later in the attic of the mysterious new house we would move into and that tore me to pieces.
We moved in may and I felt okay about it but then we started school the next year in 6th grade and then September came along and he went out with the cousin I hated the most, the girl that treated me like ****, and even my best friend.
I still loved him and that ripped me to pieces.
He realized how amazing I was in February and We started dating in March that year.
It was perfect all summer.
Then September came along in 7th grade and he broke up with me on the 19th.
I didn't cry.
But I wanted to.
Oh, I wanted to so bad.
I still loved him and that tore me to pieces.
I held on to hope that he would realise he still loved me until March that year.
My cousin was born on what would have been our one year anniversary and that ruined that day for me.
I stopped waiting for him.
He came back to me as soon as I got a boyfriend in April.
We went out for awhile until I realized I didn’t love him the same.
Through all of that there was one person that was there for me and I had the slightest crush on him because I was so focused on the other boy.
I realized I loved him the summer before 8th grade.
When school started we didn't have any classes together and didn't have time to text as much as we used to.
One of my friends Told me how she saw him in the hallway and I started crying because I never saw him during the day.
September started and I decided to tell him that I liked him and he handled it okay.
It turns out that he was actually going to ask me out, but one of my closest friends gave him the whole “what if it ruins the friendship” speech and he changed his mind. He knows that I knew everything and now it's different.
Septembers a *****
and I think now I understand why Greenday wanted to sleep through it.

You're like a headache that doesn’t go away.
When I try to erase you, you scream “No Way!”
All I hear is your throbbing, All I feel is your pain.
All your memories are burning a hole through my brain.
when our eyes meet, I’m the first to turn my head.
When I try to shake you off you only manage to spread.
I’ve only managed to love you, and I think that ruined me.
He was perfect, but my mind said, “If he’s not him we aren’t meant to be.”
I know you hate me, everyone does.
I just wish my love for you would fade away to fuzz.
I don’t only taste blood sometimes I taste microwave burritos or Twix
You ate yours with the cheese that always sticks
But now they only make me sick when I start to chew.
You wrestled your brother and let him win because he’s smaller than you.
I can only blame myself because it's my fault you’re gone.
I shouldn’t have been scared I should just held on.
maybe then I’d have butterflies in my stomach,
Not bees in my mind.

Pictures are lies with faces.
They seem like happy people in happy places
behind the ink, they’re a pile of court cases

Pictures show us what we want to see
they all lock their doors and swallow the key
When the cameras come out they sit down for tea

and pretend nothing happened.

2/22/16
Pictures are lies with faces
They seem like happy people in happy places
behind the ink, they’re a pile of court cases

Pictures show us what we want to see
they all lock their doors and swallow the key
When the cameras come out they sit down for tea

and pretend nothing happened


Pictures are lies with faces
Once the flash is gone it’s wild goose chases
Their lives don’t have room for blank spaces

Pictures show us what we want to see
Their bright smiles line up perfectly
But even dull teeth are deadly

And words and can make a life end


Pictures are lies with faces
All we see are smiles and braces
When people leave they’re the only traces

Pictures show us what we want to see
When the family posed under the birch tree
After the flash, they all disagree

*And argue till’ the point they transcend

Blood is red
veins are blue
I know how you laughed when you were two

I remember fairy daydreams
The way to ticklish screams

When you swallowed your first loose tooth
In a Buffalo Wild Wings booth

You were baptised at nine
Got your first bible and cracked the spine

I was so proud. You let her go
The girl you liked when God was someone you didn't know

I thought you would be better
That when you found God you'd forget her

I mean really, you're only a kid
But your walk with him stopped with a skid

I try so hard to be influential
But you think God isn't essential

You go to church to be with friends
But that won't help you when he descends

You are only eleven
And I'd like to see my baby sister in heaven

Blood is red
Veins are blue
Please remember God loves you

They say that people never change
But they change like the weather
You think it's kinda strange
cause you were birds of a feather

Maybe they get worse
Like an oncoming storm
They used to be your universe
But now you feel torn

When people grow up
fading and drifting away
they keep filling their cup
as you ask them to stay

Old friends slowly turn
into unknown faces
Your whole body yearns
for familiar places

They say that people never change
But they change like the weather
we had a friendly exchange
but there was no tether

for that split second, it was eternity
my body was filled with sudden urgency
our eyes met and I was numb
it felt like minutes but it was none
we stared at each other for hours
it felt as though time had no powers
I sat back down in my seat
I could feel every heartbeat
I didn't know what was happening
for that split second, it was the beginning

then he said those words in the hall
and it felt like a poisoned wrecking ball
I know deep down that what I wish
is completely dumb and utterly foolish
but I want to know what you think
because right now I'm beginning to sink

we talk every now and again
but talking to you feels like a sin
it feels right and of good reason
until my friends all compare it to treason
somethimes I look at you through the corner of my eye,
if anyone asked of course I would lie
I know we have tried and things never work
but in a perfect world I wouldn't have to lurk
in a perfect world, I know we would last
I wish we could go back and redo the past.

kids these days look like notebook paper
and those lines on their skin they never taper

kids these days don't seem to talk
and when they do people seem shocked

kids these days are treated like ****
and all they do is chew on their bubblegum

adults these days, they say they've worked so hard
but they didn't become what they said in the schoolyard

adults these days, they say that kids don't care
but they were the ones who taught us to swear

adults these days, they say we're snotty
but they're the ones who designed our technology

society these days is so backwards
we might have more mutual respect if we checked the records

kids these days may look like paper
but adults these days will just say you're a faker

kids these days may not talk
but adults these days criticise around the clock

kids these days may be treated like ****
but adults these days expect us to be someone

nothing about the world is ******* right
but I guess it's not left either.

When I'm with you
I'm never blue

When you're around all my problems fade
Every color becomes a brighter shade

You're in my head with every love song that comes on
You're the "Hidden meaning" behind everything I've drawn

Every single time you hold my hand
My heart pounds like a brass band

The very first time that we kissed
I thought nothing better on Earth could exist

Every time that we awkwardly hug
I feel like your arms are an addictive drug

When I text you all I get are butterflies
My mind plastered with your blue eyes

Your laugh is the beat of my heart
Your existence is a work of art

The only way I would say "I do"
Is if you're the one saying it too

When thunder booms outside their room
people often convert to gloom

and when the sirens sound
the people gather around

and they listen to the storm as it rattles the walls
and they watch with terror as it shakes the halls

and when the lightning flashes
they think the world is ashes

then they run to take cover
or maybe they even contact a lover

but when the rain falls like it hates the ground
and the clouds cry their booming sound

when puddles form on the pavement
raging with ripples from its replacement

your whole body longs to take part in the storm
since the chaos and anger is already your norm

with the sound in your ear and drops on your skin
you would never have to counterfeit your grin

When dark clouds are crying for you,
you don't always feel the constant urge to

when the sky screams louder than you ever could
you can't find a suitable reason why you should

when the pavement has puddles bigger than your pillow
why only settle with looking out the window?

you  can feel the tears building in your eyes
and just like always, you are one with the skies

The horizon screams its rolling shriek
your homemade rain rolls down your cheek

The power goes out and there is no light
No one can see you so why should you fight

one, two, three, four,
I declare that love's a war
five, six, seven, eight
I thought you were my one soul mate
nine, ten, eleven, twelve
I was taught to "save yourself"
thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, more*
I'm sorry* that I left you sore.

"The day you fall asleep next to me
Is the day I'll finally wake up happy."

How do people know what they're smelling is real
if a scent is just a thing in your nose you cannot feel
How do people believe in ghosts they cannot see
They're gone but they still miss the one who died at sea
How can people trust to fly with a pilot their eyes have never met
and dismiss September 11th like it was never an actual threat
How can people favor a place their eyes have never been
Like high in the mountains where the air may be thin
How can people judge someone their eyes don't even know
and call them fat when the last time they ate was two weeks ago
How do people picture things their eyes don't recognize
Like how a human looks when one dies
How can people go on blind or mystery dates
or develop intimate relationships at rapid rates
How can people say another is their lover
if they've only seen them on a magazine cover
How can people never see, yet still know they have a neighbor
and not believe Jesus Christ is our savior
How can people believe in things of imagination
and not believe in the one responsible for our creation
For those who do believe and trust in our God
I greatly applaud
For those who want to know more about heaven
just open up to him and have your own salvation session

You are literally everything I ever needed.
And I guess, if you were him everything would have succeeded.
I know that you love me, and you want me to want you.
But when i'm around you, I feel like I have the flu.
I get sick to my stomach and nothing feels right.
and when you held my hand a little too tight,
I wanted it to work with us, for me to feel just fine.
But he already stained my heart like a glass of red wine.
I Know we could be perfect if I could just let go.
There's just so many things that I don't even know.
Sometimes I think I love you, and every is perfect.
And then you said something he did, and I was a little conflicted.
I don't want to hurt you, and I know it's too late to say that.
I've already cut through your heart like a scratch from a cat.
Good luck trying to heal your brand new open wound
I'm gonna go hide myself from the world
with some paint in my room

A Bitter Taste is your legacy.
the mark you chose to leave on me;
one of wasted time, and wasted space.
a mark I can't seem to erase;
those words you spoke to me
while laying in my company
over and over and over again.

I used to think you were my cure
But I know now you are my curse
Because I cant forget eyes just like my own
Or a smile as big as yours
We died just in time for our flowers to bloom
And now those flowers are hers

My bees do the work
Taking my mind
To make their honey
And push it through my mouth
To be collected
By their keepers
Whom I cannot see
They hold me still for extraction
They watch me sleep
Incase my bees try to leave
Through my ears at night
But
My bees love me
They need me
For their honey
They'll buzz for me until
They've taken all I have
And then
They'll buzz
Some more